I am sorry to bring the topic of babies again to my blog but my life revolves around babies these days. Only last week one of the friends who had a baby girl in December has a Pasni (Rice feeding ceremony), Nepali version on Christening. It was a fun event and I was happy for the excuse to wear sari and also to share in their happiness.
I am attending another Pasni tonight for another friend’s baby boy. I have more baby showers, Pasnis and babies’ birthdays this year than I can ever remember.
I am always happy to be a part of my friends’ happiness which includes their little ones. It is so nice to see the babies growing up so cute and adorable. It is nice to listen to their experience and share their joy. There are at least five of my friends pregnant right now.
But what I do not like when I go to these functions is everyone asking me when I am going to have a baby. I think that is a valid question but I still don’t want to be constantly bothered when I have already told then that it’ll still be a few years before I have a baby.
One of my friends who is pregnant said, “There is a right time for babies so if you don’t have in now, you may regret it later”. I was really annoyed when she said that because it is my and my husband’s choice to decide on when to have a baby and we decided to wait a few years. Come on, I haven’t even had my first marriage anniversary yet. Why don’t everyone leave me alone and let me enjoy my time with my husband. Just because she is pregnant now and heading towards motherhood, doesn’t mean I need to follow in her footsteps. And just because she thought that it is the right time for her, my choice of not having a baby right now doesn’t make me wrong.
The other day, in a similar conversation, another friend of ours told us that she got pregnant because she thinks that it is the right time and implied that we need to think about it as well.
My friends may think that they are doing us a favour by suggesting to us to have a baby but I don’t want to be pressured into having a baby just because they are pregnant now. Me and my husband have a plan and we want to move according to this plan. We don’t want to follow other people’s plan and definitely don’t want to be pressured to have baby.
When I got married last year, I thought the pressure of having a baby will come from my parents and his parents. But amazingly other than his grandfather, no one else has nagged me about not being pregnant yet. We had told both our families that we have a plan and they are happy for us to follow the plan and have babies when we decide to. But we are getting more pressure from our friends and only from those friends who are already pregnant or have a baby.
I’d love to be a mum one day. I believe that motherhood is a wonderful experience but at the same time I want to be well prepared before we have a baby.
Right now I just want to be with my husband and enjoy my life. And I will have a baby when I am ready. Please don’t tell me that our decision not to have a baby right now is wrong.
If you have a baby please do keep this in mind when you suggest someone else to have a baby. If you’re married and don’t have a baby yet I’m sure you know how I’m feeling 🙂
nepaliaustralian 
By the way, when are you having a baby? Its time… HURRY!!!
Just Kidding LOL
Soon missy…Don’t worry you will be first to know about it 🙂
And you are right ! ! This is my Mom’s advice too. Enjoy the ” married” togetherness while you can before you start having babies. Having a baby is so life-altering.
Thank you so much dear :). I will definitely take her advice.
I do not think there is any “right” time to have a baby. There are always responsibilities and other events in our lives that may cause excuse as to why it is not the right time to have a baby. If you and your husband choose to wait…good for you two! I think when a couple has a child, they make it the “right time” somehow, someway.
Thank you Frances. I really hope I will be a good mum one day but till then I just want to enjoy what I am doing 🙂
I know this questions too, from all of my friends.
First enjoy you life with you husband and make the dessiion self when you want a baby. If you are parents then the time to spend with you husband will be so short.
And in traditionel nepali clothes you look like so pretty…
Thank you so much basundhara. I am trying to enjoy as much as I can with my husband. 🙂
This is a pet peeve. Before we had children, people were relentless in teasing about kids, which I believe to be quite uncouth. We do not know the wishes and circumstances of others. After our first, the teasing changed to ‘when are you going to have another’.
You are wise to put an end to this, otherwise it will never stop.
Looks like this one is not going to stop unless I have a baby every year. :O (
Thanks nelle so much for always supporting me 😀
When I meet my bachelor friends I tell them, just because I am married doesn’t mean that you have to jump in too! I ask them to take their own time before committing to someone.
On a serious note though, yes having baby is your own decision & an important one. Parenting is a full time job and it is not easy to balance priorities if both are career oriented. People argue that kids are God’s gift & they come with their own destiny but in reality it makes a big difference when parents take active role in raising a child. Take your time as long as age is not a factor. Motherhood after certain age causes complications. You’re far away from that to worry, but keep that in mind because time flies. Congratulations in advance on your first & wish you all the luck in making that important decision.
Switching back to lighter mode,
I like the title of your post. I’ll start saving on courage to gather enough & say that loud and clear at least once at home. (If it backfires I’m gonna blame it on you) Wish me luck.
Yatin , you reminded me of my friends from your comment. She told me that I can just have a baby and she will help me to look after the baby. I was going to laugh aloud as I know that that will never going to happen. No matter what people tell me now, when it comes to real thing I will be on my own with my husband. Hope when I am ready to be a mother in few years, God will bless me one with out any complication 🙂
Thanks for liking the title of the post but I am not sure how you went while using that at home.(You need to share that with me plz). I don’t think I will like it if I was told the same by my husband even if I know I was wrong 😉
Makes me think of my eldest sister who has been married for more than five years now and my two other friends. It breaks my heart when I overhear people asking them such questions. Thank you for this reminder, M. Sometimes, unknowingly I just vomit words out I tend to hurt other feelings.
Your sari is very pretty!! Nepali(an) culture is so interesting. Thanks for sharing the bits and pieces. 🙂
I am so glad to know that I am not the only person this is happening with Addie. I know it is normal to ask questions like that but still that gets annoying over the time .
Thanks gal, I love wearing sari. I feel very feminine when I wear one. And you are right, Nepali culture is so diverse and interesting,
Take your time! Life is short! You are young! I met my husband at 22, married at 28 and had my first at 33. I never regret one single minute of waiting. Once you have children, your time together is limited. Many marriages end in divorce. Enjoy your time together now. Discover who you are. You will be a much better parent, wife and person! Don’t let your friends persuade you! Ok…hope that helps! 🙂 nicole
Thank you so much Nicole. I am so glad to see you, enjoying your life and travelling. Hope to do the same 🙂