A while ago I blogged about my penpal and told you about one of my penpals named Raja Gurung who is my Facebook friend now. I was shocked to find out from his Facebook that he has passed away recently. I have no details but I am really sad to know about it.
Actually, I was shocked to read RIP messages in his Facebook wall and have no idea how to react.
As I told you before Raja was from Darjeeling, India and he was only a few years older than me. He was happily married, with two kids. I had met him a couple of times. The last time I chated with him was on Facebook which must be more than a year ago. He was telling me his plans of making a new family home and about his kids and now he is no more.
Life is short but looking around everyone seems to think that they will live forever. We spend time and money as though we will always be here. We don’t tell the ones we love how much we love them often enough because we assume there’s always tomorrow. But thinking about him now brings tears to my eyes as I know that he was a good husband and a father who loved his family a lot. But at very young age he has left this earth and his family to go far from all of us.
We think we have got forever and worry about millions of thing. We talk of killing time, passing time, and getting through the week, forgetting we are wishing away the moments that comprise our lives. We say time is money when in fact the time we have is all we have. Money can be borrowed, time can’t. We fear taking risks, unaware that the biggest risk we run in playing it safe is in fact living as long as we hope and never doing the things we dream of. And then it’s too late.
Every time someone around me dies I face the reality of life but when someone so young leave us it really makes me think harder on my choices in life because I know I may not live until tomorrow. So I am vowing to try my best not to piss anyone around me just in case. Also I want to keep my loved one close and tell them I love them a lot so that they know I will be with them even if I leave this earth before them.
I am a planner and I always plan my years in advance and it is working well for me but sometimes I wonder what will happen to my dreams if I don’t wake up tomorrow. Will my ghost haunt the earth and fulfil my dreams or will I be nothing but the ashes after cremation?
Today this is a reminder for everyone that life is short. It must, therefore, be well lived.
This article was published in +977 (a Nepalese Lifestyle Magazine in Australia) in Jan 2013 issue.
I am sure all of us have heard this proverb. It is a very popular proverb in Nepal that translates to, “The one who can talk (eloquently) can sell his flour while the one who can’t talk can’t even sell rice. It considers rice to be better (more important in the Nepalese context) than flour as it can be used as rice as well as turned into flour. I started believing this proverb after a few experiences of mine lately.
I have also heard lots of people saying, just ask and the worst thing that can happen is you’ll get a NO as a reply, but you might also get a YES. If you don’t ask the answer is always NO.
I used to be a bit shy about asking people anything, but I am so glad I did ask the last few times. I got positive results every time I asked so I am sharing that with all of you, hoping it will inspire you as well to do the same.
The first time I asked was to my bank. I still believe that it is their fault but anyway this is what happened.
I have a saving account and a credit card with the same bank and I do most of my banking online. One day I was trying to pay my credit card but their website was down so I couldn’t do it that day and paid it the next day. The next month when I received the Credit Card statement, I realised that they had charged a late payment fee. I was not happy about it but didn’t know what to do because I knew I had paid a day late. It was because the online banking had been down so I wrote an email to the bank explaining what had happened and asking them to refund the late fee they had charged me. It was their website’s fault that I was a day late in making my payment. I wasn’t very hopeful about getting a positive reply but I thought that at least I could let them know the truth. After a few days, someone from the bank emailed me informing that they would refund the money as a good will gesture. .
I was really happy with the outcome and realised that I got more than $100 back just because I took an initiative to inform the bank.
The second time, I used the principle was regarding a deal I had bought online. I had bought a beauty service from a deals website as it was something I wanted to do and it was pretty cheap. It was a multiple appointment service and I had completed my first few appointments. After a few appointments, the beauty parlour cancelled one of my appointments on the same day stating that the beautician was sick that day. As it was the first time they cancelled my appointment, I didn’t do anything but waited for my next appointment. But unfortunately, they cancelled my next two appointments stating that the equipment was broken and they were waiting for parts from overseas. So for three months, I didn’t receive any service that I had paid for in advance. The worst of all, in that time my vouchers expired so there was no way I could use them. I emailed the beauty parlour explaining my situation. I waited for their reply but after a week when there was no response, I decided to write to the deal website instead. I wrote exactly what happened and asked them to refund my money as I was not able to use the deal that was promised. I think the website did some digging, and refunded all my money. It was really nice of them. I am still using the website as I know I can trust them if something goes wrong in the future as well. I was again very happy with the outcome and couldn’t believe how easy was to fix things.
More recently, I used the same principle again. This one was totally my fault but I am glad I still decided to write to them. I pay my credit card on the 11th of every month so last month I paid as usual. After few days, I went online again and suddenly I discovered a big blunder on my part. On the 11th, instead of paying my credit card, I had paid my phone account. It was my mistake and I knew it was going to cost me money. So I went and checked my credit card statement and they had charged me a late fee and interest on the money, a total of $64.98. I was really sad seeing that as I know it was my fault that I didn’t checked properly while paying the card. But it was a genuine mistake and I decided to write to the credit card company and at least let them know what happened. I did so and I even told them I could send them the statement if they didn’t believe my story. Guess what, they emailed me back these words, “Thank you for contacting us. We will credit back the late fee and interest charges as a one off goodwill gesture”. I am so happy with their response and I guess I can go shopping again now 🙂
So three out of three times, when I did contact the relevant company, they were happy to assist me with an outcome in my favour. From these three occasions, I was able to save a total of more than $400. It was all just because I decided to speak out and let them know the real situation. My experiences have definitely proved to me that the principle is so true.
So now I really believe that one should always ask in situations like these. If there is a possibility, you may get a positive response and you have nothing to lose either way but everything to gain if you speak up and ask. . Remember the answer will be a YES only if you ask otherwise it is definitely a NO. If I hadn’t asked, I would be $400 worse off now. So if you are in similar situations and you are holding back on contacting someone, I hope my experiences will encourage you to go ahead and ask.
She was shocked to learn that children were living in Nepali prisons with their parents and so she started the Early Childhood Development Center when she was only 21. Since 2005, she has provided such support as housing, education, and medical care to more than 140 children of incarcerated parents.
Yes, she has won CNN “Hero of the Year” for 2012 making us all proud. I am so happy that my vote counted and it is a great pride for Nepal to have the honour back in Nepal for a second time. Especial thanks to everyone who voted for her after reading my post.
It is a so incredibly deserving recognition for someone who has scarified her life for the young children and their future. Please click here (Pushpa Basnet: Pride of Nepaland Please help Pushpa Basnet to win CNN Hero 2012 )to learn more about this incredible hero and an amazing human being. We are just very lucky to be born in an era where someone does selfless work like that.
Here is the incredible moment when she won the award.
Now Nepal has two great women as CNN Hero of the Year: Aunradha Koirala and Pushpa Basent.
Last year, I did a post called “When is the right time to put up the Christmas tree?” and I want to talk some more about it today because all the malls and shops in Australia have had their Christmas lights and Christmas trees up for more than a month now.
I really think it is a bit too early to start the Christmas decorations but the business minded people don’t care about these at all. They think of all these festivals as a money making opportunity. The impact of commercialization has marred the real meaning of religious and traditional customs. The shops and malls here never followed the values but instead everywhere there’s a lot of hype. During festivals, malls attract you with discounts and people go mad shopping.
As soon as Christmas is up, the shops will be filled with Easter eggs and hot cross buns in January, almost 3 months before Easter.
No matter what religion we follow, any festival has significance and value but when one commercializes festivals, that basic aim is forgotten and everyone involved is thinking, “What am I going to get on this festival?” In fact, in some instances; the festivals have been commercialized so much, that kids do not even know the significance of the festival and consider it just another holiday or just another chance to increase their material possessions.
In this way, festivals lose their real significance since their aim was first, to spread love and peace and second, to celebrate the festival keeping in mind the reason why the festival was being celebrated.
It is not only in Australia, the commercialisation of festival’s happening in Nepal as well. Previously, festivals like Dashain and Tihar were family occasions. Dashain was all about family get together and family feast and Tihar was celebrated by lighting small diyos and candles, having a small puja and burning a few crackers to rejoice the homecoming of Lord Ram from his exile on this day. Nobody cared about what you wore or what you got as a present, but instead all that mattered was having fun and appreciating the day for what it symbolized.
But today, Dashain and Tihar is all about the show of money with what one has bought for the occasion or how big the party was in one’s house, what you got as a gift etc. If parents have their kids overseas, how much money children have sent for the festivals?
Children don’t even know why they have the day off from school to celebrate that day.
Festivals are not meant to be opportunities for financial gain for brands and companies. They are meant to be occasions for religious observance and for people to understand and respect the meaning behind them. I really think, children should be taught about traditional festivals in kindergarten and we should keep the valuable elements of the traditional festivals and preserve them for future generations.
Today I wanted to talk about it again because I read this in the news. I am sure most of you have already read it but for those who haven’t here it is.
Richard Neill complained on Facebook about pad-maker Bodyform; that he felt mislead by their years of advertising about periods. That, in fact, the company had lied to him about menstruation. He had believed that a woman’s period was a fun and exciting experience, thanks to advertising conventions that have become a genre all of their own.
Here are his exact words, “’Hi, as a man I must ask why you have lied to us for all these years.As a child I watched your advertisements with interest as to how at this wonderful time of the month that the female gets to enjoy so many things, I felt a little jealous. I mean bike riding, rollercoasters, dancing, parachuting, why couldn’t I get to enjoy this time of joy and ‘blue water’ and wings!! Dam my penis!! Then I got a girlfriend, was so happy and couldn’t wait for this joyous adventurous time of the month to happen …..you lied !!. There was no joy, no extreme sports, no blue water spilling over wings and no rocking soundtrack oh no no no. Instead I had to fight against every male urge I had to resist screaming wooaaahhhhh bodddyyyyyyfooorrrmmm bodyformed for youuuuuuu as my lady changed from the loving, gentle, normal skin coloured lady to the little girl from the exorcist with added venom and extra 360 degree head spin. Thanks for setting me up for a fall bodyform, you crafty bugger’.
I couldn’t stop laughing while reading it but I do understand where he is coming from. Even in this 21st century, TV advertisers are scared to say period or menstruation and use words like “that time of the month” so of course men will have no idea until they have to deal with it.
Look at some of the ads below.
When I was growing up, period or menstruation was a taboo subject. Until I had my own period, I really didn’t know what it really meant. There was a little information in Sex Ed class but definitely not enough information. I knew women get period for 4 days every month from my mum and aunties but no one told me what it really is or what to expect.
The first time when I had my period, a ceremony was performed called Bahra which I have described in my post here. I had been to Bahra ceremony before but it was all about fun, party and gifts and nothing about period.
In the Hindu faith, women are prohibited from participating in normal day-today life while menstruating. She must be “purified” on the fourth day before she is allowed to resume her normal chores. I have seen all the female member of my family following this rule while growing up.
This follows description in Puranas (Hindu holy book) about Indra’s ‘Brahmahatya’ (act of killing of Brahmin) and the mitigation of the sin. Part of this sin was taken by women and is considered to be active during menstrual period. Therefore menstruating woman are forbidden from performing any rituals and contact with menstruating woman is also forbidden (with exception of small children).
For this reason they forbid women from entering a temple to worship or do any other religions acts when they are on their period, because they are considered “impure” at that time of the month.
I get this logic as in the olden days as there was issues with hygiene as there were no sanitary napkins or tampons available but it is bit silly to follow nowadays as well.
Even in Australia, in a room full of people, when I said, “I am having such a bad day because I am having my period.” I can see so many discomforted faces. Menstruation is completely normal and natural but no only men but women are also uncomfortable to talk about it.
I wonder why they forget that a woman getting her period means she is capable of having children which is the nature of life.
The worst thing is that lots of people ignore that there is PMS (pre-menstrual syndrome) when women has some emotional reaction. It is not lazy or crazy but that women’s body does go through the process that makes her more emotional. I know in some women it is higher than other but deal with it every one and accept the facts.
Imagine if menstruation was for men and not for women. Do you think the same rule would have applied in this society? I am sure it would have been glorified instead of hidden.
Gloria Steinem wrote about what would happen if suddenly, magically, men could menstruate and women could not during the 1970s on this topic and I couldn’t say it any better. 🙂
Clearly, menstruation would become an enviable, worthy, masculine event.
Men would brag about how long and how much.
Young boys would talk about it as the envied beginning of manhood. Gifts, religious ceremonies, family dinners, and stag parties would mark the day.
To prevent monthly work loss among the powerful, Congress would fund a National Institute of Dysmenorrhea. Doctors would research little about heart attacks, from which men would be hormonally protected, but everything about cramps.
Sanitary supplies would be federally funded and free. Of course, some men would still pay for the prestige of such commercial brands as Paul Newman Tampons, Muhammad Ali’s Rope-a-Dope Pads, John Wayne Maxi Pads, and Joe Namath Jock Shields- “For Those Light Bachelor Days.”
Statistical surveys would show that men did better in sports and won more Olympic medals during their periods.
Generals, right-wing politicians, and religious fundamentalists would cite menstruation (“men-struation”) as proof that only men could serve God and country in combat (“You have to give blood to take blood”), occupy high political office (“Can women be properly fierce without a monthly cycle governed by the planet Mars?”), be priests, ministers, God Himself (“He gave this blood for our sins”), or rabbis (“Without a monthly purge of impurities, women are unclean”).
Male liberals and radicals, however, would insist that women are equal, just different; and that any woman could join their ranks if only she were willing to recognize the primacy of menstrual rights (“Everything else is a single issue”) or self-inflict a major wound every month (“You must give blood for the revolution”).
Street guys would invent slang (“He’s a three-pad man”) and “give fives” on the corner with some exchange like, “Man you looking good!”
“Yeah, man, I’m on the rag!”
TV shows would treat the subject openly. (Happy Days: Richie and Potsie try to convince Fonzie that he is still “The Fonz,” though he has missed two periods in a row. Hill Street Blues: The whole precinct hits the same cycle.) So would newspapers. (Summer Shark Scare Threatens Menstruating Men. Judge Cites Monthlies In Pardoning Rapist.) And so would movies. (Newman and Redford in Blood Brothers!)
Men would convince women that sex was more pleasurable at “that time of the month.” Lesbians would be said to fear blood and therefore life itself, though all they needed was a good menstruating man.
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