I had read somewhere that bad moments don’t make bad mammas but now I have my doubts.
As a new mum, I doubt myself lots of times; I am not sure whether I am the doing right things; whether I am taking care of my baby properly, whether my way of feeding is correct, whether I am changing her correctly and similarly there are many more doubts in my head when I am looking after my daughter. I worry that what I am doing will affect her later in her life.
Most of the time when Chhori smiles or holds onto me it makes me feel great and I forget about all the doubts. But then something happens that breaks that momentary illusion and make me again thing that I’m not as good a mum as I should be and that is one of the worst feelings to have.
A few weeks ago, I was home with my mum as usual. We were in our living room, mum was watching a movie and I was checking something on the laptop and Chhori was just lying on the ottoman. This was typical of my afternoons. The ottoman was next to me and from time to time I was talking to and playing with Chhori.
Then suddenly from the corner of my eyes I saw Chhori sliding off the ottoman and she fell on the carpeted floor even as I rushed to pick her up. It felt as if my heart leapt out of my body at that moment. The next second she started crying loudly like never before.
That was the first time Chhori rolled onto her side and we were not expecting it at all. I didn’t know what to do. I just tried to console her and checked her to make sure she was not hurt. I was almost crying myself and my mum was trying to help me calm Chhori down.
To make sure that she calmed down I fed her for a few minutes until she stopped crying. After that my mum took Chhori from me and felt her head, hands, legs to see if Chhori would cry when any specific part of the body was felt. Thankfully Chhori did not cry and we hoped that nothing was injured In that mean time I called our local GP to take her there but as it was Friday and our normal GP was fully booked and suggested I take the baby to emergency instead.
I called AS and told him what happened. I assured him that there was no injury so he wouldn’t freak out. But I still asked him to meet me at the hospital just in case.
My mother and I took Chhori to the emergency and waited for the doctor. By then Chhori was already her normal self, smiling and looking about with interest. I was kind of sure she was alright but still wanted to be 100% sure.
After a few minutes wait, it was our turn. The doctor did some normal check and told us that she was OK. He also told me that it is normal for kids to fall and they have many cases like that every day. He assured me that I am a good mum and accidents do happen sometimes so not to feel as if I let Chhori down.
He still wanted us to remain at the hospital for 4 hours for observation. He wanted to make sure that there was no brain injury from the fall. It was the longest 4 hours of my life as I was worried. I was praying that everything was OK with Chhori. She looked happy and was playing with her daddy and grandma.
Finally the 4 hours were over and Chhori was officially fine. She got the all clear from the doctor. We were all so relieved.
It was one of the scariest experiences I have had after having Chhori. I hope not to have to visit the emergency department ever with Chhori.
I am sure I am not the only mum who has been in such situations so please share your story and make me feel a bit better.
Hope you had a great weekend and take care, everyone.
M from nepaliaustralian