Tag Archives: MIL

A Different Perspective

I have read a few blogs from the perspective of a wife, a husband or a daughter in law in an intercultural relationship but never from the prespective of a mother in law.

Yesterday I was talking to one of my colleague and I came to know a bit about the perspective of a mother in law and it was quite interesting so I am sharing it here with all of you. 

My colleague is from Russia and she moved to Australia more than 20 years ago. She has two boys who were both born and brought up here. So they are more Aussie than she wants them to be.  

Anyway, her older son was in a relationship with a Japanese girl for a while. They met when she came to Australia as an exchange student.  

Last month they got married in Japan so my colleague and her family flew to Japan to attend the wedding. 

 She was not very happy about how everything was working out before she left the country. A few things that she mentioned were: 

  • She wanted a Russian daughter in law.
  • She felt that her new daughter in law was not very open when she visited her. (She stayed in the same house with my colleague.)
  • She wanted to be a part of the wedding preparation but she was never consulted about anything.
  • She wanted the wedding to be in Australia especially after the nuclear problem in Japan recently.
  • She was scared that her son was planning to move to Japan after the wedding. 

 Yesterday I saw her for the first time after the wedding. When I asked her how the wedding went, she was positive about her experience. 

 She said she is happy about lots of things after visiting Japan as she can now see that some of the things she was not happy about with her new DIL is more cultural than personal. 

For example, she was a bit sad when her DIL didn’t hug her when they met. Now she is happy that DIL doesn’t hug her mum either which means that hugging is not a part of the Japanese culture. It made her realise that her DIL is not trying to keep a distance from her; it just is not a part of Japanese way of life. 

 Also she was happy that the bride’s family made a lot of effort to make them feel comfortable and welcome in Japan. 

 The most important thing for her was, that her son and DIL spent lots of time with them and made sure that they were looked after while they were there. So now she doesn’t worry about how her DIL is taking her son away from ber as she feels that her DIL is a part of her family now.  

I think all relationships are difficult in the beginning but for intercultural relationship it is more difficult for a man and woman but same goes for their families as well.

My early birthday gift

I am not a very big fan of yellow gold so when we were getting married I wanted a white gold ring but as we were getting married in Nepal, it was not possible. In Nepal, if you wear white gold, people think it is sliver so both our families didn’t like the idea.(I love my wedding ring now).

During our wedding, I received lots of jewellery from my family and AS’s family. I also received some jewellery from my and AS’s relatives. Most of them were of yellow gold .When I was coming here my mum and MIL told me to take a few of them with me. I didn’t want to but still I brought a few rings, a white gold diamond necklace set,  few ear rings, a small necklace, a ruby necklace and a few gold bangles. I left the rest of my jewellery with my MIL.

I never thought I would miss my jewellery but when we returned to Sydney, we had a wedding reception for our friends and family here who couldn’t come to Nepal. I had to dress up as a bride again and that day I missed my jewellery for the first time. I so wished I had my long gold necklace.

After that I had to attend few Nepalese functions where I wore a sari. I missed my jewellery then and of course when it was Dashain where everyone wore their best gold jewellery, I missed mine again.

I was a bit surprised that my preference for gold had changed. I still loved white gold and diamonds but I don’t mind yellow gold any more. Is this only happening because I am married now?


Anyway, I was telling my mum about this while I was Skyping the other day. A friend of mine has just returned to Sydney from Kathmandu recently. I met with him yesterday and to my surprise, my mum sent me a golden necklace with 9 stones (Nav Ratna) with matching bangles as my birthday gift. Oho I just loved it.

Even though my birthday is still 2 weeks away, I received my first birthday gift for this year. Thank you mum!

Our Honeymoon trip to Vietnam which almost didn’t happen

When we were planning our honeymoon, me and AS had different ideas on where we want to go. I always wanted to go to Greek Islands(Santorini) but AS wanted to go to Hawaii. But as AS couldn’t take more than a month off from work and our wedding took so many days, we couldn’t go to either of the places.

AS assured me, that we will do our Greek Islands honeymoon next year but for me it didn’t make sense. I wanted something right after the wedding so it is our honeymoon rather than just a holiday.

Anyway after a few discussions we decided on Vietnam as it would be on our way back from Nepal.

After the wedding, we had a few days to spend with the family. Then we were off to Vietnam via Bangkok and then to Sydney.

Our family in Kathmandu Airport

When we depart from Nepal that was the first time I didn’t have tears in my eyes. Every time when I return to Australia, my family would come to drop me to the airport. When it was time for me to depart, my mum would be teary and that always made me sad. I was always teary when I board the plane.

This time both mine and AS’s family were there to see us off.  I was surprised my mum didn’t cry when we entered the departure gate. She was talking to my MIL and waving us good-bye. And I was not crying either. I think as AS was with me, I felt better. I guess that is one of the perks of being married.

We were to go to Bangkok and then take an Air Asia flight to Ho Chin Minh. We were excited but as soon as we reached Bangkok our excitement turned into disappointment.

We found out only after we reached Bangkok that Air Asia flights depart from the domestic terminal.  When we bought our tickets, there was no mention of this so we never had the idea that we needed visa for Thailand to board our flights. The problem was, with Nepali passport they didn’t give visa on the spot so they didn’t allow AS to go out of the international terminal to go to the domestic airport. We were inside Bangkok international airport and our flight was departing from a few kilometres away. We tried to explain the situation to immigration officer, they just ignored us. Half the time, they didn’t speak good English and other half they didn’t care. I was really pissed with them but I couldn’t do anything.

What was supposed to be our great day was turning out to be a nightmare.

We talk to a few other people but they couldn’t help either. Finally a guy in the Thai airways counter was able to understand our situation (Thank God). He said as we can’t go out, it is best if we take another flight that departs from the international airport to Ho chin Min. So we did. We paid for Thai airways ticket to go to Vietnam(there went my shopping money) but did not fly untill the next morning. So we spent 12 hours in the airport. And the ticket was very expensive as we were buying them at the last-minute. But I was thankful that at least there was a solution, even if it was an expensive one.

Next morning we boarded our flight and we were off to Vietnam. Both Me and AS wanted the whole Air Asia thing behind us and enjoy our stay there. While we were in Nepal, lots of people told us their bad experience in Vietnam so I was really worried. I was even thinking all those problems were an Omen telling us not to go to Vietnam.

When we got off in Ho Chin Min airport it was very hot and humid. We took a taxi and went to our hotel. Thankfully there were no problems and we went to our room.

The room was nicely decorated and we had a buffet breakfast every day. They had lots of things to choose from like toast and cheese or rice, Pho, noodles, variety of eggs, salads, yogurt and all kinds of pastries.

Mingling with locals

We booked trips that took us around city and we went to churches, Presidential palace, museums. We also took a trip to the Mekong Delta, Cu Chi tunnel, Cai Dao temple. The trips were fantastic. Once we were out of the city, there was more greenery and less traffic. There were acres of rice fields with lots of people with Vietnamese hats. I really loved it.

The shopping was great as well. We bought lots of souvenirs and I bought some dresses too. We couldn’t buy much as we already had lots of stuff from Nepal. I loved the food too.

But the best part of the trip was the massage. It was very affordable and it was so good. We went for a massage every day. It cost us aroundAUD$15 for a whole body massage with aromatic oil and hot stones for over an hour. Ohoo, one of the best massages I ever had.

Vietnamese 100,000 dong

The next best thing was that we felt like millionaires anywhere we went. We booked a private tour so we had the diver and the guide to ourselves all the time. The car they got for us had leather interior with air con. AUD $200 is equivalent to a million Vietnamese Dong so you are always paying in hundred thousands or millions.

I found the people friendly and the staff of the hotel very helpful. Like most of the Asian countries I have visited, they always had a smile on their face.

On one of the lunch trip, we even ran into one of the famous Vietnamese actors (our guide told us that but I don’t know his name.) There were people queuing up to get a photo with him.

We spent all the time in South Vietnam so I will have to go back again to go to North Vietnam.

One item crossed from my bucket list for now.

More photos here.