Monthly Archives: November 2011

Hen’s Night for my friend AG

Posted on November 20, 2011 | 3 comments

Before I came to Australia, I had no knowledge of Hen’s nights but in the last few years, I have attended many of them with my girl friends. My own hen’s night was organised in a Spanish Club in Sydney. I had a great time with my girl friends, dancing the whole night.

It had been a while since I went out for a girls night out so my friend AG’s hen’s night was perfect excuse for all us to leave our partners at home and go to Vivaz for a great night out.

 Luckily it was a good, sunny day so when we met at the club, everyone was in high spirits. We had bought a package deal for the night so things were already planned for the whole night.

The theme for the night was anything red.

The night started with a live drawing of a naked male model. It was so much fun as I could see how much imagination all my friends had. Everyone was enjoying the class but I felt a bit sorry for the male model who was in a room with more that 20+ girls laughing at him. I guess he is used to that as he had this serious experience the whole time.

The next step was a lesson on how to make a cocktail. It was fun to know what goes in a drink you normally order. The bride to be got a few free shots and was having the time of her life. Even when we all tried to mix the same drink; all our drinks had a different taste. It was wise of us to leave mixing of the rest of our drinks to the professionals.

The next thing was Salsa lessons from a very hot Latino instructor ;). That was my favourite part of the whole night as I love dancing. As there were only girls, one of us had to do the guy’s steps and other one was doing the girl’s steps. The instructor was teaching all these sexy moves, we couldn’t help but laugh. It was so much fun that we didn’t realise we spent one & half hour dancing. Some of the photos we have are so funny that we were laughing our heads off.

Then it was time for our dinner. We were given table with the view of the Opera house and Harbour Bridge. What more could we have asked for? I am not sure for what reason but there were fireworks going on at the Opera house.

We were served a buffet dinner which had a few varieties of pastas, lots of green salads, baked veggies, roast chicken, beef and pork. The dessert was chocolate mouse and fruit salad. We all ate and enjoyed our sweet treat.

Finally everyone headed to the dance floor and had fun for the rest of the evening. We tried lots of steps that we learned earlier. A good night out with my gals!!!

Wishing my friend AG and her fiancé AA best wishes for their wedding. They are flying to Nepal next week and getting married on 2 December.

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Different looks of Nepali people

Posted on November 18, 2011 | 81 comments

Newar girl

When people realise that I am from Nepal, they always tell me I don’t look anything like the last Nepali they met. I am from the Newar ethnic group but  I have Aryan features so even people from Nepal tell me that I don’t look like a Newar as I have bigger eyes than Newar people normally have.  This is because Newars are a community of mostly Tibeto-Burman and some Indo-Aryan ethnicities and my family seems to lean towards the Indo-Aryan side of the community in our features.

The other day I met a friend of my friend (Gurung) who was from Italy and she told me that I looked just like one of her Italian cousins. She was surprised that I and my friend (Gurung) look so different even though we both are from the same country. There are times when I meet Indian people and they think I look like an Indian.

Gurung girl

The main reason for Nepalese people having such a diverse features is due to the geography and the climatic in Nepal.

Don’t worry if you get confused after reading this post because even Nepali people sometimes can’t say for sure if someone is from Nepal or some other countries as our features match people from so many other countries. I also can’t tell for sure as well.

Brahmin man

Here is one of the funny incident. A friend of mine  was traveling in a train when a group of Nepali guys came and sat on the seat in front of her. She is from the Rai ethnic group so she looks more Asian. The guys did not think that she was a Nepali so they start talking in Nepali about anything and everything. And there were some things you normally won’t say in front of women. Anyway, my friend was very uncomfortable in hearing this but she tried to pretend that she didn’t understand the language. She couldn’t wait to get off the train.

Chherti girl

At next stop, her cousin caught the same train and saw her sitting there. So she came and joined her and started speaking in Nepali. Then the guys realised that she was Nepali. They were very embarrassed by their activity so they changed the carriage. It happened a lot to my friends when people mistake them to be from India, Sri Lanka, China, Indonesian, Brazil, Korea, Italy etc.

When me and AS were on our holiday in Vietnam, a few people came and talked to us in different languages because they thought we were either Thai, Vietnamese or Pilipino so I am not surprised if you are confused by the Nepali look.

Thakali women

Nepal is a country of four castes and thirty six sub castes and they are a mix of Aryan and Mongolian people. Aryan normally have fair or dark skin, long pointed nose, big eyes, broad chest and shoulders while Mongolians are normally white or fair skin with small eyes and medium built. Brahmin and Chhetri looks Aryan where as Rai, Gurungs, Tamang, Magar looks Mongolians. I find Newar are a mix of both.

Of course it is just a guideline as there are so many inter-caste marriages, it is getting even harder to tell people’s ethnicity apart just by their looks.

 Still confused? I thought so  🙂

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Missing my dear friend

Posted on November 18, 2011 | 6 comments

This post is dedicated to my dear friend SD.

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

It is so true that you meet three different types of people in life. Some for a reason, some for season and some for a lifetime. Today I am missing my dear friend SD who is one of the few friends who is for a lifetime. 

Me and SD in our school uniform

I met SD during my middle school years and  since then we have been very good friends. You know sometimes you meet some people for the first time and get this impression that they are so carefree that you wish you could be like that too. That is my friend SD. She is always daring, carefree, positive and fun-loving.

She is the youngest of 7 kids of her parents but she is the only girl. She has grown up with 6 protective brothers and as they were her mentor, she is very boyish. I think that clicked between us at first as I was a tomboy myself when I was young. 

We used to do lots of things together and one of the good memories from my childhood would be our sleepover. We used to talk through the whole night, no idea about what but it was super fun.

 Life has thrown us thousands of miles apart but we always manage to stay close and keep in touch. When I came to Australia, she was in Nepal. We kept in touch with emails and phone calls.

 The first time I went back to Nepal, she left to Austria after 2 days of my reaching Nepal. It was really sad for both of us.

Me and SD @ Time Square

The next time I visited Nepal, luckily she was there. I had a great time as she took me to  places, we did  things together and she was just there for me. We did lots of talking and caught up on lost time.

After that every time I went home, she was in the US so we didn’t meet for a while. Then I went to US for my holiday in 2009 and stayed with her in NY. It was like old times again and she was my guide there. We went to Time Square at midnight and had our funny photos taken at Madame Tussaud’s. We went to the Statute of Liberty early in the morning and Central Park at midday.

NYPD

She was up for every crazy idea I had as a tourist. She was the one who took my photo with a NYPD cop. I wanted to take a picture but didn’t know how to approach the cop who was working in the middle of street. She went and talked to him and told him there is this crazy tourist from OZ who wanted to take a photo with him. I had fun shopping with her and tasting lots of American food. I met a few of her new friends as well.

Me and SD in Madame Tussaud

As everything had to come to end, my holiday was over too and I had to come back. I was sad to leave but I had no choice.

Then in 2010, when we talked after my engagement ceremony, we decided that we have to attend each other’s wedding for sure.

In early 2011, things were looking great as she had already filed for her Green Card and was sure that the processing would be completed before June so she would be in Nepal for my wedding. We were so excited but then she got a letter from immigration telling her that they lost her paperwork as there was a mix up with addresses. We still hope that things would fall into place and she would be able to fly by June 20 for my wedding on the 24th. The paperwork did not arrive in time and so she missed my wedding.

She was sad and upset that she couldn’t make it but I did understand her situation. If she had left the country for the wedding, she would not have been allowed back so she had to what she had to do.

I had her family expect her parents in my receptions. Her parents didn’t come as her dad was ill. I went to see her parents before I came back. It was always nice to see them as they always treated me as their own daughter.

Finally in August, she got her Green Card so she decided to go to Nepal for a holiday. Out of blue things happened so fast and her wedding was fixed for 2nd of December 2011.

I was so happy for her and at the same time a bit sad that I would miss out on the wedding as there was no way I would be given any more vacation time from work this year as I had taken so much time off for my own wedding.

We were still constantly in touch and I was advising her on what to do and where to go for the preparation of the wedding, from my own experience. Every time we talked she would day “Wish you were here. It would have been so much better.” and I felt very sad.

Few days ago, I saw her online in Skype and this is how the conversation went,

  “Are you free to chat?”

 “I am not SD; I am her fiancée using her account”

 “Oh, how have you been, how is the wedding preparation going? and how is SD doing?”

 “Actually I need to tell you something,”

 “Yes”

 “Yesterday SD’s dad passed away”.

When I read that I didn’t know how to react. I was really shocked that when I was thinking she is in the happiest moment of her life, she was going through the grief of loosing her dad. He had been a bit sick but his passing away was unexpected.

I called her after that and I felt a bit better that she was coping better than I thought she would be. All her family members were with her. She was very calm and was talking to me normally. She said “Everyone is coping well so don’t worry. There are lots of people around.” Then she told me something that I didn’t expect. “I always wanted you to be there for my wedding so I guess now you have to be present for my wedding as it will be in 2012. Make sure you come this time. “

I couldn’t say anything but I admire her positivity in the rough time she was going through. All I wanted to do at that point was give her a big hug. I wish I was with you there my dear. I am missing you a lot. And I promise to be with you when you get married in 2012. 

P. S: In Nepal, if someone dies in the family, the family will not celebrate any festivals or birthdays for a year and there will be no wedding or any other happy celebrations for that year.

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Value of Electricity

Posted on November 17, 2011 | 4 comments

It is getting really hot in Sydney these days. It was 34-37 C the day before. After a very hot day I went home thinking it will be a cool evening with the AC on and I can relax but to my annoyance the electricity went off. 

I couldn’t believe how much our lives depend on having electricity here. The lift in the building stopped working so we could hear fire exit doors opening and closing all the time. The building in front of us had people stuck in the lift so there were two fire trucks and police car to rescue them. 

People couldn’t go inside the car park as the roller doors are electric so there were long queues of cars waiting in the street. 

Inside our apartment, AS and I didn’t know what to do. Our internet didn’t work, no TV, the laptop battery was on 35%, no light so nothing to do. Luckily we have a gas stove which was the only thing working. But still we didn’t cook anything as it was too dark so we ordered takeaway. I remember my cousin K, mentioning power outage in June for hours when I was in Nepal, and as they have electric stove, they had to go out and eat. 

I have been in Nepal when they had 18 hours of load shedding. Luckily my house has an inverter so we had some light during those times. But I can’t imagine how everyone in Nepal live everyday more than 9 months a year without electricity. It is good that my parents are not dependent on the fridge as they cook fresh meal everyday. Also they buy their milk every morning and meat on the day, they are cooking. They always buy fresh fruits and veggies every other day so they can have fresh supply of most essential things. I can’t imagine people here living without a fridge and a microwave. We wouldn’t know what to do.

 Most of the houses in Nepal don’t have air conditioning and lift so you are not stuck when load shedding happens.

Sometimes I forget how much better facilities we have than people in Nepal. I was complaining that power was out for a few hours but then I remembered for people living in Nepal that is a part and parcel of their life. I see Facebook and Twitter updates from my friends and family in Nepal like

 “ No power cut for last 24 hours 🙂 🙂 🙂 “

 “ Load shedding is reduced to 10 hours a day :)”.

 “ Felt so lucky to wait only 15 minutes in line for petrol’.

“ No water for last two days 😦”

“ Nepal bandh again today, walking to work” (Nepal closed/no vehicles on road due to strikes)

 I promise from now on I will appreciate how good I have it here and stop complaining about small things that I don’t have.

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Widows in Nepal

Posted on November 16, 2011 | 13 comments

I want to start this post by saying; whatever I am going to write in this post is solely my opinion and understanding and hold no disrespect for any culture or tradition. 

In Nepal, if a Hindu woman loses her husband, she has to wear a white sari for a whole year. She also has to give up all signs of marriage like pote, glass chura and sindoor. 

After one year, she is allowed to wear clothes with colours other than red or shades of red or other bright colours and she still can’t wear pote, glass chura and sindoor. They are also forbidden from remarrying. It is believed if a widow marries another man; her deceased husband’s soul goes to hell. I know it sounds ridiculous but that is what the widows are led to believe. 

In ancient times, there used to be ‘Sati’ practice in which if a married man died, the widow is coerced to join her husband in his funeral pyre. My grandma used to tell me the stories about how she knew people who she lost due to this practice. This was outlawed only around 70 years ago. 

I don’t know why the husband is never made to undergo such cruel customs on the death of his wife. And men can remarry if they want. 

My paternal grandmother was widowed when she was quite young. Her youngest child was only 2 years old at that time. I know she suffered a lot as a widow in a conservative Nepali society. She was not invited for many religious ceremonies and considered an outcast for lots of Pujas. My grandma is a survivor and she managed to ignore all the brutal treatment from the society and brought up all 7 kids all by herself. She made sure that all the kids went to school and were well-educated despite the fact that she was uneducated and alone. All the kids grew up to be successful in their lives and all the credit goes to my grandma. 

I never saw my grandma wearing any bright colour saris even after 50 years of the death of my grandfather nor did she wear any glass chura. She used to have a few golden bangles and that was it. She told me lot of stories where she felt like an outcast from the society after her husband passed away. 

I know an aunt who lost a husband in a freak accident after just 3 years of marriage. At that time she had a year old baby boy and she was only 26 years old. I really thought it was cruel that she couldn’t enjoy her life just because her husband had passed away. Her MIL blamed her for her son’s death and made her life into hell. I am sure she missed her husband terribly and on top of that she had to deal with the cold behaviour from relatives and the society. I strongly believed that she should have been allowed to remarry and live the rest of her life happily but I was just a kid and my opinion would have brought an outburst among my relatives. 

Recently, I read news that the Nepali government are giving RS 50,000 (AUD 600) to the couple if a man married a widow. I find this wrong in so many levels. A widow is a woman and not some broken furniture which you pay the removalist to discard. No one should be given monetary incentive to marry; it should be purely out of love. I also read lots of news later that people were marrying only for the money and it was not helping the problem of widows in Nepal. 

I know there are so many human rights organisations that are fighting for this cause and I salute them but this problem is not going anywhere until we are able to educate people and make them understand that death is a natural process so no woman should suffer her whole life just because her husband died. 

I know things are changing slowly but still the majority of Nepalese people do not accept widows as a normal woman. I want them to think what they will do if the window is their own daughter or sister. I am sure they want them to be treated as equal to any normal woman and allowed to remarry if they wish to and live their life happily.

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