Dilemma

I have a friend from school who used to be very close to me. We used to talk and share our dreams together. We used to have sleepover and share a close bond with each other’s families too. 

When I came to Australia we used to talk often and kept in touch. Our friendship was really strong and my parents used to invite her for all the festivals even I was not in Nepal. I was there to support her and she was there to support me even when we were miles apart. 

5 years ago she decided to come to Australia. I helped her in every possible way. She got a visa to come here and stayed with me. I was really happy to have my friend close to me again. It was going well until one day I found out that she was dating my friend, who I had introduced to her. I was a bit hurt as I would have wanted to hear that information from her but I heard it from a third-party. I didn’t say anything to her. I didn’t ask any questions but waited for her to be ready to talk to me. 

From that time on even as we lived together, we hardly saw each other and had really no conversation with each other. I tried a few times to catch up with her but she seemed too busy with her boyfriend and his family. 

Six months went by and we went from good friends to just room mates. Then she told me that she was going to marry her boyfriend. I was really happy for them as I knew both of them well. I did my best to help her with her wedding but whatever I did didn’t mend the distance between us. 

After the wedding she moved in with her new husband and we didn’t really keep in touch. I called her up a couple of times but I got the feeling that she didn’t want to talk so I stopped calling. I have no idea what happened between us but in this unknown way I lost a friend. 

We still meet during functions organised by common friends but we just say hi and that is all. Last weekend when I went to one of the gatherings, one of my girlfriends informed me that she is expecting a baby. I was so happy to hear the news but I don’t know what I can do. I thought of calling her or writing her an email but I am scared. 

What if she doesn’t response to my email?  or What if the phone conversation becomes awkward? are all the questions that are stopping me from reaching out to her.

I am not even sure she wants me to be a part of her life again. 

Just confused on what I can do next. 

Should I leave things as it is? Or Should I reach out to her?

Can anyone help? If you have been in a similar situation, what have you done? 

P.S: I am writing my version of story as her version can be very different from this. 

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14 responses to “Dilemma

  1. I am probably late on replying this to this one. I had a friend too and we were friends since class nursery but now she is in Australia. We were there most of the time for each other. We would even picture ourselves if there were a movie about best friends..hehe but then we grew up. While I would still want that affection from her, she would keep reminding me that we were now grown up. I never really understood what that meant but probably she meant that she wanted to move on with her life. So I had to let her go. Now I don’t know her whereabouts. That is life. We meet many people in our life. Some of them are with us lifelong, some for certain period of time. Nothing we can do about it really, haina? I have never tried to contact her and nor have she ever cared to be in touch. She didn’t even forgot calling me in her sister’s marriage few years back when she was here in Ktm. But I really don’t hold any grudges against her, I just cherish those moments we shared together. 🙂

    • Isn’t that weird that sometimes friends just drift apart for not very big reason? I am sorry to hear about your friend. I didn’t really understand what she meant by ” grown up” either. I always believed friendship should withstand everything in life but in reality that is not the case. I am sure you have lots of friends in your life now who cherish you for who are. Take care.

  2. If you miss her and are still thinking about her, there’s probably a reason why you should get in touch with her again. They are pretty strong feelings you’re having. It sounds strange that you guys drifted apart so strongly, unless there was something major that caused it. Maybe she still thinks you’re angry at her about her marrying your friend. It seems like your over it now so maybe tell her that because that might be the reason why she is keeping your distance from her. Either way, i think you should reach out and try at least. I say this out of regret. I hurt a friend pretty bad many years ago and i still think about her wishing i could patch things up. But it’s too late for me. Best of luck

    • I do miss her because we shared so much dreams and hopes together. I always wished that we were still friends as we used to be so good together. We even live in the same city. She is one of my oldest friends. Hope things will work out for me …

  3. I have been there too. I don’t know why you’re friend is backing out instead of reciprocating but when I was in Oxford, my friends joined me (ones from high school), we were this group of fearless girls and been friends for nearly 10 years.. and when they came over, I was definitely overjoyed so we got a house and started living together (the childhood dream kinda thing) but when I met A, an year down the lane, things were getting sticky at home. I was the only one who worked, had full-time uni and I spent a couple of hours in the evening after college or work with A before getting home and my friends always had weekend plans and worked then, so the distance kept creeping in, I thought they would understand that I am busier and because they are my friends, it would be okay to expect from them.

    Eventually our contract ended and we had to shift, this time A offered me to come stay at his but I opted out of that because of my friends, din’t want the distance to rise but they chose a house way out of my budget so I HAD to make a choice and I moved in with A instead. I knew things would change. It did. We barely met after that, chatted online or texted occasionally. Me and my oldest friend’s relationship was totally hampered, I tried to talk to her to her many times, told her let’s move on, shit happens and she said.. it just wont be the same again. (unfortunately she was out of town when I actually started seeing A so my other friend told her about it, which she felt bad about too). I kept trying to fix things, I still do miss her a lot but things aren’t the same. I always make an initiative to get back in touch but there is never reciprocation. So I just let it be now. I still try talk sometimes but I always get to know her whereabouts from others and I’ve started thinking that I haven’t done something that grave. We all have to make choices and only friends are expected to understand, that too 10 year old friendships. So I just let it be. I knew I would loose one side if I depending on the moving situation, I just din’t know I’d lose it this bad. But Im still content 🙂

    I think you should call her too, make a meeting and go visit her. Talk to her about it and if still things remain stagnant, just move on with it. Its how life is I guess.

    Ps- sorry about the long comment YET AGAIN!. 🙂

    • First of all I really appreciate your comments on my posts so don’t worry at all about it being long. I think I do the same on your post as well so I am equally guilty.
      I think sometimes in life things go haywire without your approval and you are left to pick up the pieces. I am sorry to hear about your friend. May be some friends are not meant to be forever. I am just emotional about my friend right now as she is going to have a baby. It is really sad to think I will never know her baby. When we were young we hoped that our kids would be good friends as we were. Now the irony is we are not even friends so don’t know how our kids can be.
      I am thinking to call her soon, will let you know the outcome.
      Thank you again Tash for your comment. It helps.

      • I know M, I was really emotional about it too. Worse part is that we had planned family dinners and all that for the future, but we only got to the stage of living together and studying in the same city. The rest of the group is still together (which makes me happy and sad at the same time), like I was a part of that. But then I guess we grow up and we prioritise. Also, during school, they were all dating (we were 5) and I wasn’t. Ironically, when I started dating they all demanded the girl attention and I had mine divided. I guess somethings just automate themselves to work a certain way. I’ve come down to accepting that what we do, is what we wanted at some point and there are no regrets. If I had chosen to live with my friends, maybe me and A wouldn’t have worked out. Who knows? We don’t get both sides, if we do, we are exceptionally lucky. I hope it all works with you. Let me know what happens 🙂

  4. You love someone, care them and value them. If they don’t even try to understand, you have come over your distance. You can’t do that from the other end,, advised me in a situation like yours. But you still keep the door open.

  5. Hey, I completely understand your situation having lived in different countries with different circles of friends. My best friend is from Ethiopia and we went to the same high school and university. So we pretty much spent 8 years living together. I haven’t seen her since I came to Canada but we still keep in touch and feel strongly about our friendship. Of course, I have some other friends with whom I have lost touch due to various reason. There were some people who I wanted to keep in touch with and they didn’t. I think you have done enough as you have made consistent effort to contact her. I think if she thinks that you are an important and valuable part of your life, then she should realize it. It may take her a while to realize it or she may never realize it. At the end of the day, not everyone remains friends…..I hope this helps!

    • I don’t even know the real reason why we are not friends anymore which bugs me a lot. From my side it feels like I have done my best but I will be so interested to know her side. I know for sure there must be a reason for our relationship to go south. I am not perfect and would like to learn from my mistake. I think hearing about her pregnancy made me emotional. I remember we used to talk about being married and having kids. Now both of us are married but we are not part of each others life. The worst part is we both live in same city and still we seem to be miles apart.

  6. I think you should reach out to her. If she doesn’t respond, at least you told her how you feel and know you can move on. Or maybe you will rekindle your friendship and have your friend back again. Good luck!

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