Do we expect too much from men and vice versa?

Has Disney given us unrealistic expectations about men?

Are romantic movies changing our perspective about love?

Is normal proposal not good enough?

Are there really men out there like the guys from romantic movies?

I am asking these questions because like most girls while growing up I was highly influenced by first Disney movies then by Hollywood and Bollywood romantic movies that life always have happy ending and if it is not happy, end is yet to come. I was waiting for my prince charming to come sweep me off my feet and take me to the fairy land where I will have no worries in the world. The bar was set really high that it is so normal to get disappointed in real life.

After I grew up, I fell in love with this handsome man and was really happy to find my prince charming. Even though he didn’t come on a white horse, he made sure that our wedding was perfect and I got what I wanted in life. He always looked after me and was there when I needed him. He has occasionally surprised me with breakfast in bed, bought me flowers and has never forgotten any special occasion (or maybe I haven’t let him forget any :)). He is always happy to share my dream and let me do what I want in life. But I realised that I expected a bit more from my husband than what he gives me. Don’t get me wrong, I am perfectly happy in my marriage and he is one wonderful husband but occasionally I want more from him. Like the guy from the romantic movie who sweeps the girl off her feet and makes her feel out of this world. I know it is a movie and everything is scripted but sometimes I wish our life was like that too.

I have read many articles and with life experience understand that men and women are from “Mars” and “Venus” so there is no way the things that feels alright with women will be alright with men any time soon. While for woman love is to be hugged, cuddled and be told how much a man loves her as often as possible a man doesn’t seem to have the same definition of love. I know a man will always argue, he is with you because he loves you so he doesn’t need to keep on repeating that three words to prove that he loves you. Also he is working hard to make sure she is looked after. What more should a woman want?

A typical day in most of our household is that we leave the house very early and come home by 6pm tired from work. Then we have to exercise and cook dinner. Then there is TV time and time to sleep. There is not much time left after your daily routine unless we intentionally make it to chat with each other. For a man it seems ok to go on like that in the life as he thinks it is a perfect world. There is family, money, food and there is no problem while for a woman after a while the same routine seems too tiring and too boring. Then she starts to think that may be the man doesn’t love her enough, at least not the way she would like it to be.

The perfect day in most women’s head will be coming home to get a kiss and a hug, then while cooking dinner there is a talk about how day was and how work in going. Not only the man listens to what she is saying but he is responding to the things as well. But for a man that seems too farfetched.

In Eastern society especially, men are so used to women doing things for them, it will take another 100 years for them to just get the idea that women expect other things from them apart from them working hard for money.

So if she is not getting what she wants day in and day out, one day she will get really frustrated with the situation and that is when the nagging and picking starts. These things can easily accelerate if one doesn’t work towards the solution.

The solution seems quite obvious,

  • Man, please talk to your woman and understand their feeling. I know woman has more feelings than your liking but do adjust to it.
  • Woman, please be bit more patience and try to realise that your man loves you in his own way.

But I know these things are easier said than done. But what I have learnt in a year of my marriage is that life is not a fairy tale and the earlier you realise it, the better for you and everyone around you.  You have to be really patient when it comes to a man if you want him to do what you want.  Fighting and yelling is never the solution but if the same things are told in loving way, there is high chance that he will do it. Always remember you are with your man because you knew he loved you and he still does. It is just that he doesn’t know how to show it to you in your way so give him some hints if you want certain things to be done. Also you can always initiate the things that you want to do as a couple and surprise him instead of being disappointed in him.

I know I am very new in this marriage institution and I have a long way to go and learn many lessons that only life can teach me. But I wish we were taught how to have a great marriage (for both men and woman) while we were young. I know why it is not done though. No one knows the answer. So my conclusion is that two people in a marriage are the ones who need to work out what they want from their marriage and work towards it. Don’t expect too much from your man/woman looking at other people lives as you don’t know what happens behind closed doors. It is not only the woman who expects much from a man but the man does expect a lot from their woman as well. The perfect balance is hard to find and only the two of you can find it with patience and love. Always keep in mind , “Man are more practical while woman are more emotional.”

I really like the following art :). Please click on it for clearer view. Please let me know if  you agree or not.

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14 responses to “Do we expect too much from men and vice versa?

  1. Yes. And thanks for the honest admission.

  2. Hi M,
    I just wanted to let you know I have nominated you for the One Lovely Blog award. Check out my post… http://songbirdstudio.wordpress.com/2012/07/10/671/

  3. Yes, I think all these romantic movies have corrupted our minds and driven us to a fancy land far away from the reality. The more so romantic expectations make us selfish and needy. However, instead of expecting it from our spouse, why don’t we try doing the things that we expect. I’m sure it will bring pleasant surprises to the relationship 🙂

  4. I think we like to nurture this “man”, “woman” stereotype so much that we end up being one of them. Just forget that he is a man and you are a women, and think of him as just as your equal companion. i think all these stereotypes will fade away. Dont expect something from him just because he is a man, and vice versa, do things that you are good at and let him do things what he is good at. I think you will appreciate everything he does once you look at him with this new perspective. I am not a marriage counselor (I’m not married yet), but I like to view my relationship that way.

    • You said it to the point. I think it is the exception that is the cause of all the trouble. I started doing what I want form my husband for him recently and it really worked. 😀
      I think,married or not if you are in relationship there are many small things that upsets us and we tend to overlook big happiness we get from the relation while we are down. I like the way you view the relationship , just perfect 🙂

  5. You may be “new to the marriage institution” but it sounds like you’re years ahead of many. It won’t always be easy, but with patience and understanding, you’ll enjoy every step of the way =]

  6. No two people are alike, nor two relationships. Each shapes by what we need from it and what we put into it. I’m not into guys, but the dynamics aren’t any different, because we should work off our partner and ourselves. With truth and candour, two who love and commit can find their way.

  7. Too funny! I think there’s some truth in that, but not always.

    My wife and I have been married for 13 years and are still figuring it all out. I rarely do the Prince on a White Horse thing; maybe I should more… Thanks for the reminder!

    • Sid I thought my marriage will be perfect by year 5 now I need to recalculate my thinking 🙂
      I am sure every woman wants to be surprised every now and then. I am sure your wife will love her prince charming more.

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