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Our Story: LOVE – Part 9

This is a continuation of my previous post. Please read the previous posts here, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5 , Part 6 , Part 7 and Part 8

The first time I heard the words “I love you” from AS I really couldn’t believe it. I didn’t know what to say so I was quiet for a while. As we were on the phone, AS was worried that he might have misjudged the situation and thought I was offended.

At my end, I had butterflies in my tummy and it seemed my heart stopped and was bursting with so much happiness. I was so happy and confused at the same time that I didn’t know what to say for a while. I wanted to scream aloud with happiness but my parents were in the same room asleep so I couldn’t do anything like that. Instead I said, “I love you too.”

As I uttered those words, tears wear running from my eyes. I was sure they were tears of happiness but I couldn’t hold them back. Something I never thought could ever happen to me had just happened, AS just expressed his love for me. I’m sure there are plenty of you that have experienced that wonderful moment of utter joy in the knowledge that the person you will spend the rest of your life with has just committed himself to you.

Sitting on the bed in the hotel in Sikkim, I could have never thought I would ever hear those words ever but there I was holding the phone, crying like a baby.

I could hear the relief in AS’s voice once he heard those words. I knew he was crying as well even though I couldn’t see his face. For a long time, both of us were silent and I could feel that AS was really happy as well. When he spoke again he told me that this will be the best day of his life forever.

I was so glad that we had reached that point and after some serious conversation started asking silly questions.

Me: So tell me honestly from when did you love me?

AS: From the first day I saw you at school.

Me: No way. Come on tell me the truth.

AS: I am serious.

Me: Then why didn’t you tell me before.

AS: I always thought I am not your type so held back.

Me: Actually a few of my friends told me that you like me but I always told them not to be silly. But I am just very happy that you told me finally.

AS: Me too. I was so scared for a while when you didn’t say anything.

Me: Ohoo sorry. I was just too surprised. Why were you worried anyway?

AS: I thought you don’t love me and saying those words I was going to lose our friendship as well.

Me: Ohoo I am so sorry. I was lost for words. I really couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I didn’t expect you would ever say it.

AS: I was planning to tell you when we met in Kathmandu in a few weeks. But I was woried you would be engaged to some random guy by then and I would be too late. I didn’t plan for it but it felt right to say it today. I am just glad with the result. M, you are my only love. I have never loved anyone like I love you and even all those year when we hardly talked, I always remembered you and loved you with all my heart.

Hearing those words from his mouth was the best of all. He felt at that moment like he couldn’t go another second without telling me how much he loved me. It was very authentic, and true to our relationship.

We talked for another couple of hours and both of us were so happy and it seemed crazy to hang up. I had so many questions for him and I am sure he did too. But it was really late for me and he insisted that I go to bed. We were still talking and I don’t remember when I fell asleep but the last thing I remember was his voice before I fell asleep.

The next morning when I woke up, the mobile was still on my hand. I recalled what happened last night and was beaming with happiness. When I checked my mobile, I had another message from AS that says,” M, I have never been this happy in my life. Thank you for being the reason for my happiness and I love you.”

The message doubled my happiness and I was just over the moon that whole day. As I was getting ready for breakfast, my phone rang. Without checking, I knew it was AS so I answered.

Me: hello (with big grin on my face)

AS: hello my love. How are you, did you sleep well?

Me: Yap I did (still grinning)

AS: So what are you doing today?

Me: Dad told me that we got the permit to go to Changu Lake so heading there soon.

AS: That is good news. Have fun and take care.

Me: I will. BTW there may not be network reception there so we won’t be able to talk.

AS: I am going to bed soon so I will call you when I wake up. By then you should be back.

Me: That sounds good. Sleep well.

AS: Ok take care. I love you M. I wish you were here with me so I can give you big hug.

Me: I know. I wish we can meet soon too. I love you too A. Hope your ticket will work out so I can see you when I get back to Nepal.

AS: Ok go now and I will call you later. Love you dear.

Me: Love you too.

I went to eat breakfast and went to explore the beautiful lake. For me everything was looking more beautiful, greener and more amazing. I was so happy about our conversation from last night and the next morning, I was literally day dreaming. Then I got another sms from AS. It made my day even better and then he sent two more before I got the last one that said have a good day and he is off to bed now. I send him a few messages with some nice words. At that stage, I was in an internal euphoria and I was not able to write many lovey dovey things. There were millions of things I wanted to write in those messages but always decided against them.  By the time we got to Changu Lake, I could see there was no reception at all on my mobile.

The journey there was very interesting. The ethereally beautiful kilometre long 15 m deep Tsomgo / Changu lake is nestled at an incredible altitude of 12,400 ft. TSO means lake and MGO means head in Bhutia language. The vast expanse of crystal clear water is situated on the Gangtok-Nathula highway and is revered by the Sikkimese as sacred. The Nathula pass was part of the famous Silk route connecting the plains of Bengal with Tibet and from thereon China.

Changu Lake (4)The lake is also of special significance for the Jhakris [faith healers] of Sikkim who congregate here annually on Guru Purnima from all over the state to offer prayers.

Around the picturesque Tsomgo Lake is woven a rich legend; Sikkimese folk-lore narrates that Tsomgo was initially at Laten, several km away from the present Tsomgo (lake). One night an old woman of Tsomgo dreamt that the lake at Laten would shift to Tsomgo. She was warned to leave the place as soon as possible. The old lady hastened to inform her other yak herder friends but they paid no heed.

She hurriedly milked her dri (female yak) and poured the milk on the ground for good luck and left the place with her yaks for Lhachungkar near Thegu. Just before leaving, she saw an inordinately fair lady with gleaming grey hairs, entering Tsomgo. Immediately the earth turned into water and formed Tsomgo lake. The two obstinate yak herders are believed to have been submerged in the lake along with their yaks.

In the times gone by, lamas (Buddhist monks) are said to have foretold the future by observing the color of the lake’s water. If the water had a dark tinge, it foreshadowed a year of trouble and unrest in the state.

Changu Lake (7)Nathula area has three lakes – Memonchu, Kupup and Tsomgo – and out of three, reports have shown that the Tsomgo Lake is heavily polluted. Tsomgo wetland is amongst the most productive & biologically rich ecosystems and also amongst the most endangered. This wetland is a lake complex joined by some other water bodies Manju I and Manju II.

Changu Lake (1) Changu Lake (3)

While we were there, we got an opportunity to ride a yak and go around the lake. It was one of the most amazing things I have done and my parents were happy about the ride as well. The ride was slow but very interesting as the Yak owner was trying to direct the obstinate yaks in the right direction every few minutes. Some paths were so narrow that I was scared that both the yak and I would fall off.

Changu Lake (2)

The lake was so bluish green and beautiful. The air was crisp and pleasantly cold and we saw lots of snow melting around us.

Changu Lake (6)I have to say it was one of the most beautiful places I have seen.

Changu Lake (5)After we were done we went to the main area. There were several shops selling snacks, souvenirs, warm clothes and snow boots along the periphery of the lake. We had our lunch (momo) there, bought some souvenirs and got back in our jeep to get back to hotel.

Changu Lake (8)On the way back, when we reached the area where there was mobile reception, I got 3 messages in my mobile one after another. All of them were from AS and all of them were equally heart melting. I guess I had not had those feeling for so long then that I felt like crying reading those words. But I had to stay composed in front of my parents.

As soon as we reached the hotel, I messaged him back and when we all had dinner and everyone went to bed, he called me.

Again we talked for hours. He gave me the good news that he would be coming to Kathmandu on the 1st of January. It was a relief because I was booked to go back to Sydney on 15th of January which meant we could spend 2 weeks together. I was not even sure what the future held for us at that stage but I was ready to give it a go. I hadn’t felt so good about anything for so long that I was scared to think it might just be a dream. But every time I spoke to AS, he made me feel so good each and every moment that I began to relax and was slowly accepted that good things were really happening to me. All of the things that were happening were real and AS loved me.

Every time he utter those four words,” I love you M”, I was over the moon. I have to be honest; until this day when he utters those words to me, I can feel the same feeling I had the first time. I know it sounds crazy but I love him more every day and my life would be empty without him.

We talked about so many things that evening and I fell asleep while on the phone.

I will continue more soon. Until then, take care.

XOXO

M from nepaliaustralian

Go to Part 10

You may also like:

*10 Questions from Yatin on my “Our Story “post *Our Story : The Beginning – Part 1

*Our Story: Good friends again – Part 4

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Our Story: Finding a perfect life partner – Part 5

This is continuation of my previous post. Please read the previous posts here, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 and Part 4.

Not surprisingly after my last email, most of my friends emailed me back except AS. They let me know that none of them were planning to come to Kathmandu as their circumstance was not good to take a holiday. I was a bit disheartened as I thought I might be lonely in Kathmandu. The friends who were already there would be very busy with their work and family. So the best person to give company will be someone on holiday just like me.

My last hope was AS and was hoping at least we would have a week or so together before I left Kathmandu.

In Kathmandu, my parents and family were busy searching for a guy for me. They were scared that I would change my mind again so they were sending information including photo of prospective husbands. I trusted my parents’ choices to find a guy from a reputable family which matched our caste and status but it was me who had to live with this guy for ever. Every time, they sent me a photo, I couldn’t see HUSBAND material in any of them. I started to question myself on what I really wanted from a husband. I was so unsure.

I never talked to any of these guys because I didn’t think I should be the one initiating the communication. When my parents would say “Add him in Facebook or email the guy”, I would tell them if he is really interested, he should add me. I am not taking the first step.

I think in a month, I heard about at least 10 guys and saw photos of a few of them as well. Now the conservation with my parents was more on what they were looking for in a guy and what I wanted. I used to tell them, you guys know better about what to look for as I didn’t have any specific list. The only think I told them was that I needed him to come to Australia after the wedding.

As the days pass by, my parents became less excited about finding a guy as I kept on saying I didn’t like any of them. They though it would be better if I met few guys when I was in Nepal in December. So they stopped sending me the photos and details.

I have to say AS always managed to communicate on the right time. On one weekend after talking to my parents about wedding and marriage, I was just surfing net when he messaged me on Facebook

AS: Hello

Me: hey, how are you?

AS; Doing gud. How are you?

Me: Why didn’t u reply my mail? U r annoying

AS: hahahaha. I was about to mail u

Me: Ya rite. Anyway just got off the phone with my parents. They are asking me what kind of man I want to get married to. They don’t know what to look for anymore as I kept on saying NO to everyone they showed me.

AS: Just trust them and say YES

Me: I am too scared to just say yes. I don’t even know these people. How can I marry anyone?

AS; I have asked my mum to look for bride for me as well. I really don’t care. If they find someone good I will marry her.

Me: Are you serious? Aren’t you worried that you won’t get along together and that will be a big problem in future.

AS: It works both ways so I am cool. But it is funny, they haven’t found anyone yet.

Me: So what kind of bride you looking for?

AS: Don’t know.

Me: Come on, just give me a hint.

AS: Someone who is educated, around my age and from Newar caste so my family will be happy. If it has to be arranged better make sure my family is happy.

Me: So why couldn’t they find anyone yet then.

AS: Don’t know. Let me know if you know someone 🙂

Me: In fact I have a very good friend who is looking for guy as well. I think you will like her. The only problem is she is slightly older than you. (I am sure my friend will kill me if she ever found about this). But I am sure you will be good together.

AS: I am OK with someone older but I am sure my family will not be OK with that.

Me: Ohoo, that is sad. You guys would have been perfect. Anyway looks like we will be getting married soon. Imagine in few years if we meet again, with our partners and kids. God, life will be so different.

AS; I thought u were already married before. Anyway what are you looking for in a groom.

Me: I know it was fun to fool you :).  I really don’t know. I am very confused.

AS: Why?

Me: Coz I have never been married before hahaha..Seriously I am not sure if I am really ready to get married.

AS: I think no one is ever ready but you will be fine.

Me: What happens if I don’t get along with my husband?

AS: You will be fine.

Me: I am not sure what I want from life let alone have someone else with me to make it even more complicated. God why do we even have to get married?

AS: So this world and the human race can go on. Imagine, if no one wanted to get married and have babies, what would happen. You are a nice gal so you will be OK don’t stress out a lot.

Me: Ya right. Are you coming to Kathmandu in December?

AS: Not sure yet. Have to check if I can get time off from work. Also I plan to travel to some more places in the US before coming to Kathmandu so let’s see.

Me: Looks like we will miss each other in Kathmandu like always. 😦

AS: Will let you know the details once everything is fixed.

Me: I am sure we won’t meet as always. Seriously I will be so bored in Kathmandu.

AS: You have so many friends there and you know so many people.

Me: Ya but they all will be busy in their work and family. It was the case last visit.

AS: Time to go for lunch. Keep you posted.

Me: Ok talk to you later. Enjoy lunch.

After that conversation I met AS more on Facebook chat as well as Gmail chat. We used to talk about everything from our future plans to our future partners but we were still friends and just happy to be in touch. Life was going on as normal. I was really excited that my holiday was coming soon and was looking forward to that.

In the meantime, AS decided that he would come to Nepal in January as well after his holiday to the east coast. That meant we might meet in Kathmandu depending on the flight he was able to book. But he was having problems booking a flight as it was holiday season and most flights were booked out. I was still very skeptical about our meeting.

Finally it was December 9 and I was super excited to go home. I hadn’t been to Kathmandu for over 18 months. It was a change I was looking forward to. Also I kept my mind open about marriage and prospective groom.

Before I headed to airport, I checked my mail for the last time and there I had an email from AS.

Hey M,

I have been bg these days. Well 4.5 hrs of sleep is all I got, got up at 7.30

You must be all packed and ready to go. I had hoped to catch you before you left for the airport but work came in between… ke garne… saw your email too late…

Aba ta yahi sochdaichuki Kathmandu chandai jana paun taki (Now I am thinking to come to Kathmandu soon)  I get to spend more time with you…… well tyas pachi shayad ya ta chat ma bhet hola nabhaye Kathmndu ma (Hope we meet in chat or else in Kathmandu)

Airport ma wifi bhaye… yo mail padheu bhane online aaunu ra chat garaunla… Gharma padhdaichau bhane… aba tyasai bela chat garaunla…(Hope there is wifi in the airport so you can read this email and come online otherwise you will be reading this from home in Kathmandu so talk to you then)

You have a safe journey now, Bon Voyage! Have fun! We will meet when we meet!

Always,

AS

I didn’t feel like replying to the email at the last minute so I closed my laptop and made sure everything was in order before I left for the airport.

I took a cab, checked in and cleared immigration. This time I was flying Singapore airlines. I waited outside the boarding gate. I wished I was not traveling alone especially of the 9 hours transit time I had in Singapore before I flew to Kathmandu. But I tried my best to think about my plans in Kathmandu.

I had a holiday planned with my parents to Mirik, Pashupathi Nagar, Illam, Jhapa. Itahari, Kakarvita in Nepal and Sikkim, Changu Lake and Darjeeling in India. I knew it would be one of the best holidays as I would be spending lots of time with my parents. The only topic I needed to remember to avoid was marriage 🙂

The post is getting long so I will write more in next post. Hope you will come back and read more

Go to Part 6

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*Our Story: Back to Sydney – Part 3 *Our Story : LA Airport – Part 2 *Our Story: Good friends again – Part 4

Do we expect too much from men and vice versa?

Has Disney given us unrealistic expectations about men?

Are romantic movies changing our perspective about love?

Is normal proposal not good enough?

Are there really men out there like the guys from romantic movies?

I am asking these questions because like most girls while growing up I was highly influenced by first Disney movies then by Hollywood and Bollywood romantic movies that life always have happy ending and if it is not happy, end is yet to come. I was waiting for my prince charming to come sweep me off my feet and take me to the fairy land where I will have no worries in the world. The bar was set really high that it is so normal to get disappointed in real life.

After I grew up, I fell in love with this handsome man and was really happy to find my prince charming. Even though he didn’t come on a white horse, he made sure that our wedding was perfect and I got what I wanted in life. He always looked after me and was there when I needed him. He has occasionally surprised me with breakfast in bed, bought me flowers and has never forgotten any special occasion (or maybe I haven’t let him forget any :)). He is always happy to share my dream and let me do what I want in life. But I realised that I expected a bit more from my husband than what he gives me. Don’t get me wrong, I am perfectly happy in my marriage and he is one wonderful husband but occasionally I want more from him. Like the guy from the romantic movie who sweeps the girl off her feet and makes her feel out of this world. I know it is a movie and everything is scripted but sometimes I wish our life was like that too.

I have read many articles and with life experience understand that men and women are from “Mars” and “Venus” so there is no way the things that feels alright with women will be alright with men any time soon. While for woman love is to be hugged, cuddled and be told how much a man loves her as often as possible a man doesn’t seem to have the same definition of love. I know a man will always argue, he is with you because he loves you so he doesn’t need to keep on repeating that three words to prove that he loves you. Also he is working hard to make sure she is looked after. What more should a woman want?

A typical day in most of our household is that we leave the house very early and come home by 6pm tired from work. Then we have to exercise and cook dinner. Then there is TV time and time to sleep. There is not much time left after your daily routine unless we intentionally make it to chat with each other. For a man it seems ok to go on like that in the life as he thinks it is a perfect world. There is family, money, food and there is no problem while for a woman after a while the same routine seems too tiring and too boring. Then she starts to think that may be the man doesn’t love her enough, at least not the way she would like it to be.

The perfect day in most women’s head will be coming home to get a kiss and a hug, then while cooking dinner there is a talk about how day was and how work in going. Not only the man listens to what she is saying but he is responding to the things as well. But for a man that seems too farfetched.

In Eastern society especially, men are so used to women doing things for them, it will take another 100 years for them to just get the idea that women expect other things from them apart from them working hard for money.

So if she is not getting what she wants day in and day out, one day she will get really frustrated with the situation and that is when the nagging and picking starts. These things can easily accelerate if one doesn’t work towards the solution.

The solution seems quite obvious,

  • Man, please talk to your woman and understand their feeling. I know woman has more feelings than your liking but do adjust to it.
  • Woman, please be bit more patience and try to realise that your man loves you in his own way.

But I know these things are easier said than done. But what I have learnt in a year of my marriage is that life is not a fairy tale and the earlier you realise it, the better for you and everyone around you.  You have to be really patient when it comes to a man if you want him to do what you want.  Fighting and yelling is never the solution but if the same things are told in loving way, there is high chance that he will do it. Always remember you are with your man because you knew he loved you and he still does. It is just that he doesn’t know how to show it to you in your way so give him some hints if you want certain things to be done. Also you can always initiate the things that you want to do as a couple and surprise him instead of being disappointed in him.

I know I am very new in this marriage institution and I have a long way to go and learn many lessons that only life can teach me. But I wish we were taught how to have a great marriage (for both men and woman) while we were young. I know why it is not done though. No one knows the answer. So my conclusion is that two people in a marriage are the ones who need to work out what they want from their marriage and work towards it. Don’t expect too much from your man/woman looking at other people lives as you don’t know what happens behind closed doors. It is not only the woman who expects much from a man but the man does expect a lot from their woman as well. The perfect balance is hard to find and only the two of you can find it with patience and love. Always keep in mind , “Man are more practical while woman are more emotional.”

I really like the following art :). Please click on it for clearer view. Please let me know if  you agree or not.