Etiquette for announcing engagement

I want to share a story from my workplace today. Let’s call my colleagues S (male), B (Female) and K (female).

We (me, B and K) have been bugging S regarding his wedding for a long time now. He has been with his girlfriend for over 5 years now and he is in no rush to propose.

Our argument was that if a woman wants to get married then she deserves to be. I really think if both of the people in a relationship are happy living together without getting married that is perfectly fine but if one of the people in the relationship wants to get married then the other should be able to give in.

The wedding doesn’t need to be big, just go to the registry and register but at least respect the wish of the other person in the relationship so that they will stay happy.

Anyway S has been living with his girlfriend for a while and they have even bought a house together. So we always asked him what the problem is, why he isn’t married to her yet. I think he wanted to stay away from all the planning and the wedding headache as long as possible.

Anyway, the good news is that he came back to work after a 2 weeks holiday and told me and B that he proposed and they are getting married next year. It was great news for us as well and we finally think we managed to get it into his head. K was off that day so she didn’t get the news.

Today when K was back at work, I told her excitedly that S is engaged now and they are getting married. I was sure she would like to know about it.

But the scenario changed quickly when B had this shocked expression on her face while I was happily telling K about the engagement. Ohoo I was given this look that I might have murdered someone. I didn’t realise what I had done wrong.

So when the initial shock and surprised expression was over, B told me that it is not right for me to tell K or anyone about S’s engagement. I should let him announce it.

I felt really bad about it as I never knew this rule regarding engagement announcement before. So I went back to S and told him what happen. He being a guy didn’t care at all (Thank god!). He said it doesn’t really matter to him how people find out. I think he is just glad that the difficult part is over and done with.

I always try to follow the etiquette everywhere I go as I know in Nepal we have different etiquettes while in Australia I need to follow different ones. Even when I travel, I try to Google and learn basic etiquette of the place. This must be one of those times when I  had no idea what I did wrong,

I talked to other colleagues at work about it and some think that B is right about the matter while some are either ignorant like me or don’t think it is a big deal. Anyway, I do understand why B wanted S to announce it.

It is funny how things works in the west compare to east.

I remember when me and AS got engaged, we told our parents and they told everyone else.  We called a few close friends to convey the news but for the rest of my friends, after the engagement ceremony, I uploaded mine and AS’s pic on Facebook and captioned it, “ENGAGED”. Also I changed my relationship status from WHATEVER to ENGAGED.  🙂

After that I remember that my Facebook flooded with thousands of likes and comments. Most friends who we went to school with me were shocked about it. As I told you before in many posts, here and here, I and AS are so different  that it was surprising to some people to even think that we would get married one day.

I was the chatty one who had many friends and used to speak with everyone. I never minded attention I get while AS was the quite one who had select friends and didn’t want to have any attention on him. So imagine North Pole and South Pole coming together.  As I explained already before about our relationship here, we were friends first and it took a while for AS to propose to me.

After the engagement me and AS were trying to convince our close friends that we were not a couple from school days; we were just friends but they thought we had lied to them all these years.

I didn’t bother to correct other friends from school who wrote comments like

 “Chhupa Rustam, how did I not see it?”

“I knew it something was on with you guys” and so on.

It was really funny that suddenly when our relationship was out in open, everyone was telling me that they knew AS liked me from the start. I must be the silly one who never saw that before. Anyway I am glad things happened the way they did. I am just happy with my loving husband and still feel butterfly in my stomach every time, I recall the day he proposed :).

So what is the etiquette in your culture regarding engagement announcement?

Lake Como: Italy

On the way to Switzerland, we made our final stopover in Italy in Lake Como.

Lake Como is a glacial lake situated in Lombardy, in beautiful Italy. It is the third largest lake in Italy, coming after Lake Garda and Lake Maggiore. It is one of the deepest lakes in Europe and it is over 400 meters deep and at the bottom around 200 meters below sea level with it being fed by the Adda River.

It is ‘Y’ shaped with the northern branch having beginnings in Colico and the towns of Como and Lecco create the start for the other two branches making views of the lakes ideal from each end and the lake flows out at Colico and Lecco. There is a boat service that runs between the tree inter sections making it a beautiful base to explore the sunning scenery. Lake Como is around 40km from Milan to the South and only a few minutes from the Swiss Border – and George Clooney has a home their too.

Lake Como has been a popular retreat for aristocrats and wealthy people since Roman times, and a very popular tourist attraction with many artistic and cultural gems. It has many villas and palaces (such as Villa Olmo, Villa Serbelloni, and Villa Carlotta).

Many celebrities have or had homes on the shores of Lake Como, such as Matthew Bellamy, Madonna, George Clooney,Gianni Versace, Ronaldinho, Sylvester Stallone, Richard Branson, and Ben Spies. Lake Como is widely regarded as one of the most beautiful lakes in Italy.

When we were there, I was so mesmerised by the beauty of the area as well as the expensive looking villas everywhere. They say money can’t buy happiness and looking at the place there, I thought, if I can buy the place there, I can be really happy 🙂 so go figure.

From the elaborate terrace of Villa Il Dosso Pisani, in the mountains above the lake, to the grand villas curving toward the water and the unspoiled parcels of hilltop land, beauty was everywhere in this place.

The weather was perfect with blue sky and sunshine.

From here we went to Switzerland.

Parramasala 2012

Last weekend we went to the festival in Parramatta called Parramasala.

Parramasala is an international contemporary arts festival that celebrates the global impact of South Asian arts and cultures. The city of Parramatta comes alive with vibrant art and entertainment including music, dance, theatre, comedy, film, markets and visual arts from around the world.

Parramasala is also designed as a destination in the state of New South Wales for tourism and business development. The festival is at the forefront of the promotion of Parramatta as a great city in which to live, work and play.

We went there around 2pm and waited for the program to start in main dance area. In the mean time we went and found lunch which included samosa, masala dosa and chicken biryani. I have to say that the food was not tasty as it supposed to be but I guess it is normal in fairs like this.

There were lots of stalls setup to sell items like Indian style jeweller, Manchester, Indian outfits, book stalls and henna painting area. I wanted to get a henna but then I was going to have a massage afterwards so didn’t seems like a good idea.

The dances were good with some Bollywood, Indonesia, Indian Classical dance as well as modern dances.  There was some Tablatronics program as well which was interesting.

We had fun.The audience for the festival is all embracing, and attracts a wide a varied audience.

But the day was really cold so we decided to leave at 7.30pm. The show was on till 11pm.

Venice under water

Remember a few months ago, I wrote about my travel to Venice, Italy. While we were there our guide, showing a line on the wall, had mentioned that sometimes the water comes up to that level. At that time I was thinking how it would be in Venice when the water is so high up. He said that in 1872, the whole Venice was flooded and still from time to time, the water goes up quite high.

And now I understand what he meant. The water in Venice has risen to be the sixth highest since 1872 and flooded 70 per cent of the city.

Heavy rains and high tides have brought some of the worst flooding to Venice in years. The “acqua alta”, or high water, is common this time of year but this year it went a lot higher than normal. Venice suffered its worst flooding in 22 years as water in the Italian city rose to more than 1.5 metres (five feet) deep before beginning to recede.

Makeshift wooden walkways had to be used to cross areas of St Mark’s square, with transportation proving difficult for residents.

BEFORE

AFTER

I really hope everything will be back to normal soon and the tourists there will be happy to go around and see the beautiful city.

Ani Choying Drolma

Ani Choying Drolma also known as Choying Drolma and Ani Choying is a Buddhist nun and musician from the Nagi Gompa nunnery in Nepal.  She was born on June 4, 1971, in Kathmandu, Nepal.

She is known in Nepal and throughout the world for bringing many Tibetan Buddhist chants and feast songs to mainstream audiences. Ani Choying Dolma is an exceptional singer, admired by fans in Nepal and throughout the world. People are moved to tears by the plaintive purity of her voice, and the haunting melodies of her ancient songs and hymes, passed from master to pupil for many centuries.

She was trained formally in the sacred chants by her Lama, Tulku Urgyen Rinpoche. Her motivation in singing these great powerful mantras to the wider public is to bring benefit to all who hear them. Ani-la tours Europe, North America and many counties of Asia, has released numerous CDs. The funds she raises from her singing are supporting an increasing number of charity projects through her Nuns Welfare Foundation.

Ani Choying has always believed that nuns have a great desire and potential to make the world a better place, if only given equal opportunities. Arya Tara School, opened in 2000, aims to equip nuns to help and to serve their communities in a professional and humanitarian capacity. With a fully developed and realized potential, she believes that her nuns will be able to not only help themselves, but also to help others.

In brief,  aims to help young nuns bring their compassion into fruition, actively, effectively, skillfully and meaningfully. Traditionally, says Ani Choying, women’s education is neglected in Asia. “most of the girls at my nunnery are from rural areas either in Tibet, India or Nepal, patriarchal cultures where women are expected just to cook, clean and bear children. Even in the nunnery, they are taught to read classical Tibetan in order to do the religious practice, but many cannot write their own names.” Her school would educate them in Literacy, Maths, Science, Medical and Nursing skills, and Buddhist philosophy.

To finance her school, Anila generates income through musical endeavors. In 1997, Ani-la began performing and recording Cho for audiences around the world, connecting Westerners to Tibetan culture and music. Ani Choying has gained wide popularity in Nepal as well, after she released her first Nepali CD “Moments of Bliss” in 2004 for which she was bestowed with laurels for her fantastic soothing voice.


A supporter of the school once wrote: “We were invited to see a concert by a Buddhist nun at a 500 year-old monastery in Patan. Thinking this would be a unique experience, we jumped at the opportunity. To our delight we were entertained by a talented, witty and charming woman performing traditional Tibetan songs and chants. At the end of the concert we learned that this humble Buddhist nun was performing to raise money to build a monastery and school for less fortunate woman and children in Nepal, India and Tibet. Her selflessness and commitment was so great that we felt we must help support her cause.”

She is currently here in Australia touring the country. Here is the extract of interview from Sydney morning herald by  Jack Marx.

In person, the 41-year-old has a mesmerising presence, most of which is transmitted by her eyes – big, brown, expressive. To sit just inches from them, immersed in their sincerity, gives a journalist one of those rare moments when he knows he will fail his readers by not having them all there to experience it for themselves.

Drolma is also a trifle disarming for those with stereotypical expectations of a Buddhist nun. She has a fondness for Cadillacs (she was the first nun to drive a car in Nepal) and Whitney Houston, and when asked last year by the Himalayan Times why she had published her autobiography in the first place, she replied: “Honestly, it was money.”

She also betrays a peculiar fascination with Australian immigration officers.

“I do get distracted, like everyone else,” she says, when I ask her how a celibate Buddhist nun combats lustful thoughts. “But there’s a difference between getting distracted for a moment and getting distracted for a lifetime. I mean, if there’s a nice-looking guy then, okay, I will look.

I rejoice that this guy is looking really nice. For instance, when I first came to Australia, I faced the immigration officers, and I really liked them. They looked so … cool.”

Immigration officers? Cool?

“They were! They were happy and whistling while they were checking the passports and stamping them … and the guy I was dealing with had this tattoo and he was a cool dude. And I thought: ‘Wow!’ But that was it.

“You know, romantic love is a very popular habit, but it’s not something I like to practise. When you think carefully about it, it’s really just another addiction – an addiction to a certain person. ‘I love this person so much I can’t let him go!’ It’s not correct.

“If you really, truly love someone, you simply wish the best for them, not yourself. If you’re wishing the best for them on the condition that they’re making you happy, it’s more like a business. That’s not the kind of love we should develop for each other. It will hurt someone in the end, always.”

Drolma claims that the Buddhist faith cannot “do magic” (like, say, cure someone of addiction to the demon drink), but her performances suggest the contrary. Her voice is sweeping, dynamic and entirely in the control of its mistress – like a Himalayan Elizabeth Fraser (Cocteau Twins, This Mortal Coil), Choying Drolma’s voice is an intoxicating experience.

“You should come to Nepal,” she urges me. “You really should! You would love it there, and I think it would be very enlightening for you. And, if not, we have many great bars you might enjoy.”

She was featured in channel 7 morning show recently and click here for the video.

Here is some of her music. Even you don’t understand the wording, I am sure you will fall in love with the melody.

This is my favourite song from her albums.

Her songs and original music has also appeared on various albums, including “Head Massage” by Soul Flip, BMG company and the “Buddha Bar” compilation by George V Company in France.

Ani Choying began recording the melodious Chö songs in 1996, and the first album, Choying Drolma and Steve Tibbetts Chö, was released in 1997. In the spring of 2000 Ani Choying’s second CD was released, Sina Vodjani & Choying Drolma Dancing Dakini. Immediately after this release, Ani Choying began to record her third CD, Choying, in a local Kathmandu studio. Although one hundred copied of this CD were sold in April, Choying’s official release is still in the works. Ani Choying has performed Chö in concert in both the United States, in 1998 and 1999, and in Europe, in 1999. In 2000 she has performed at festivals in both the United States and Europe. Ani Choying recorded her first Nepali CD Moments Of Bliss with local musicians in Kathmandu itself and released her album in 2004. Again in 2004, Ani Choying Drolma released another album with Steve Tibbets- Selwa (meaning “clear” or “awake”) for Six Degrees Records.


In June 2005, she released her second Nepali album titled “Smile” and “Inner Peace” is Ani Choying’s sixth CD and it consists of 4 mantras sung in melody. All of the money raised through Ani Choying’s performances and record sales go directly to the Nuns Welfare Foundation.

At the age of 13, she joined Nagi Gompa, a Buddhist nunnery on Shivapuri Mountain on the northern slope of the Kathmandu valley.  Her education and spiritual training was supervised by the renowned meditation master, Tulku Urgyen Rinpoche.  She was educated in Buddhist meditation, chants, rituals and ceremonies and quickly advanced to the position of the chanting master in the nunnery.

Later, she resigned from this position to become Tulku Urgyen Rinpoche’s personal health attendant and served him until his parinirvana (passing away) in February 1996. From seeing Tulku Urgyen Rinpoche’s altruistic life-style, always giving to others, without considering his own welfare, she developed a sincere desire to use whatever capacities she has to benefit beings as much as possible.  Because Tulku Urgyen Rinpoche himself held nuns in the same regard as monks, Ani Choying Drolma believes that creating more opportunities for nuns to study and to develop their own capacities for skillful and compassionate action is the best way she can dedicate herself to her teacher’s vision throughout her life.  She is committed to do whatever she can to promote the advancement of nuns, not only for their own benefit but because they will then be better prepared to serve and benefit others.