Post marriage attire for women in Nepal

Posted on January 18, 2012 | 28 comments

I was talking to one of my good friends on Skype recently. She is happily married with a 4 years old daughter. We have been friends for a long time but as she lives in Nepal and I live here, talking to her is always a treat. Every time we have a conversation we share our personal life and feelings.

I knew she hasn’t been very happy about a few things after her marriage. But recently I found her really happy and alive. I commented to her how glad I was to see her so happy. She told me she is happy because now she is free to wear what she wants. She said she is feeling better about herself now that she has control over her life.

Right then it struck to me that for the first few years after her wedding, she was wearing only Sari and Kurta. So here I am writing about the marriage attire for women in Nepal after marriage.

I have never lived outside of Kathmandu in Nepal. Both my parents are originally from Kathmandu so whatever I am going to write will most probably be the view of city life in Nepal.

In Nepal, for a long time, girls have freedom to wear what they want. I am not talking about low cut short skimpy dress but still they are allowed to wear what they want to a certain extent. I have seen my mum’s photos from her school and college days where she was wearing bell-bottom pants or big floral print t-shirt or beautiful colourful dresses.. Normally people let their daughters wear what they want and these days fashion in Kathmandu is not far behind western cities. So every time I go back to Nepal, I am amazed to see girls wearing low cut dress, short shorts or boob tube dresses and tops. I remember when I was there even halter dresses were not popular. But these days there seems to be not much restriction on what you can wear.

But things turn 180 degrees once the same girl gets married. Let’s take an example of my friend. She was wearing whatever she wanted for the last 20+ years of her life but as soon as she was married, she was forced to wear only Kurta and Sari for 2 years after the wedding. She did want to wear pants and dresses but her MIL and her husband’s immediate family member were against it so she couldn’t do anything about it. It is like my daughter/sister can do anything but if the girl is my DIL or SIL then they have to be seen as a traditional Nepali woman. I know things have changed a lot in the last few years as most of the women work after the marriage as well so they have to wear a uniform or still wear pants as it is more comfortable. But at the same time I have seen many families that didn’t allow their daughter in-laws to wear what she wants but instead says “You are a daughter in law now so you must wear only traditional attire. What will the neighbours says if they see you in pants or dress!” What a double standard.

I know in Nepal not only the in-laws but your own family will expect you to change how you dress, like my mum expected from me once I was married, but I believe society should accept the newlywed woman even if she prefers to wear pants or any other dress than just laying down a rule that married women must wear a Kurta or Sari. If she chooses to wear Sari and Kurta , let her but don’t make it compulsory. I love wearing Sari and Kurta on occasions as I feel very feminine in them but I can’t wear them everyday. For me it is not practical.

I have a cousin who got married recently and changed her dressing style completely after the wedding. I believe it is all expected from you and if you want no conflicts with your new family, girls just follow the rules.

So the normal accepted attire for women after wedding in Nepal are Kurta and Sari with Sindoor(vermilion) on their head, glass chura(glass bangles) on their hands and pote (Glass beads) around their neck. My mum thought I would be wearing pote and chura after the wedding even here in Sydney. The first time I Skyped with her after our return to Sydney, post wedding, she suggested to me that I should either wear chura or pote now onwards. I told her I do wear them when I am wearing Sari or Kurta but I can’t wear them with my pants and dresses. I am sure she is not very happy about it but she does understand my point and hasn’t said anything after that. My MIL on the other hand has never mention anything close to this yet and  I am very glad because I can’t be blunt with her, like I can with my mum, about my reasons for not wearing them here. But the best thing is that she is very understanding.

After the wedding I stayed with my in-laws for 10 days before leaving for our honeymoon. On those 10 days I wore only sari. Mostly it was my choice as I was having fun being a new bride and loving my saris and also it was expected that a woman to look certain way once they are married.

I am not sure how things will be when I go to Nepal again. To start with, I have to live with my in-laws most of the time. I will be visiting my parents but will be expected to spend more time in my husband’s house. So there will be the problem like what I will be allowed to wear or what is accepted of me.

Here in Australia, I wear whatever I want. I haven’t changed my dressing style after my wedding so I am not sure what I am going to do when I go to Nepal. I am sure I can’t wear shorts and short dresses. Normally I used to wear pants with a not too tight t-shirt but I am not sure what will be expected of me. May be I will just wait for now and worry about it when I book my next flight to Kathmandu. But thinking about it sometimes gives me a headache.

I believe that woman should still have the freedom to choose what they want to wear after getting marriage just like before marriage. I am sure we won’t dress like teenagers when we are in our mid 20s. Otherwise if society forces women to dress in a certain way then it might make them unhappy, like my friend, which will affect the relationship with the in-laws. I hope this will change soon so a woman doesn’t feel obligated to do things she really doesn’t want to. I know society changes according to time so I hope Nepali society will change in this aspect soon and will not differentiate between married women and single women in terms of clothing.

28 Comments

Posted in Nepal, Nepali Culture

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Magic

Posted on January 17, 2012 | 6 comments

Magic: even the word is mysterious. When I was young I loved magical things like Santa Claus, tooth fairy and fairytales. I never question their existence. Also I loved all the magic shows they had on TV, which were mostly simple magic tricks. I remember when I was 10 there was a big magician that came to Kathmandu. My mum took me and my brother to watch the show and I was blown away by it. For me it was all so surreal and amazing.

Then the internet was born so was 100 + different channels which kind of gave away all the fun of magic. They showed us how the magicians do their tricks so nothing is magical any more but all is illusion. It is probably good for the people who wanted to know how things are done but especially for the kids and those who are kids at heart, it destroyed all the fun and imagination of magic.

On Saturday we went to watch a show call The Illusionists in Sydney Opera house. The show was conducted by 7 great magicians of the world who called themselves The Gentleman, The Trickster, The Escapologist, The Grand Illusionist, The Inventor, The Mentalist and The Anti Conjuror.

Their website describes the show as follows

The illusionists are a world first. 7 of the greatest magicians on the planet are coming together for the first time, bringing with them the very best of their individual acts and a whole team of magical assistants. The result is a brand new show packed with thrilling and sophisticated magic of unprecedented proportions.

From never before seen illusions to jaw dropping acts of levitation, mind-reading and escapes, The illusionists is revolutionary, bringing the age old art of magic into the 21st century. Cutting edge and contemporary don’t expect rabbits and top hats, but do expect to be mesmerised by these grand masters of magic and illusion, each with their own speciality and mind-blowing signature act. With over 25 million YouTube hits between them, their solo shows alone sell hundreds of thousands of tickets at sold out arenas around the world. To see them all on the one stage in this unique collaboration is unheard of, creating a whole new genre of spectacular entertainment the whole family will enjoy.

The Illusionists-witness the impossible and be swept away by this worldwide phenomenon.

I was happy to go and watch the show but wasn’t sure what to expect. I haven’t been to a magic shows for years but we wanted to go and see this one as they described this as one of the best shows as there are 7 of them performing great illusions.

The show was in Sydney Opera house so we went their early to collect our tickets. Just before the show started we were allowed to go inside the show hall and were ushered to our seats. We had a box which had a great view. There were lots of kids in the audience as it is school holidays. Just the atmosphere made me happy and was glad we were there.

It started with The Trickster‘s funny jokes and magic which was followed by the rest of the magician. It was humorous and everyone was laughing their guts out. Also they had great audience participation for the show which made it even more real. Some of the tricks they showed were really complex to execute but it was done beautifully.

The best one for me was from The Mentalist who was able to tell what word the audience member was going to pick from a 500 pages English dictionary. I am sure someone can explain that to me but he had it printed out in A4 paper before the show (as he said). It was really good.

Also to see a woman appear floating on the air out of no where and The Grand Illusionist sucked in by the big fan was magical. Overall fun two hours show which was filled with laughter and cheers.

Even when I know it was all an illusion, I believe in magic once again.  🙂 🙂 🙂 

6 Comments

Posted in General

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Maghe Sankranti

Posted on January 16, 2012 | 10 comments

I think many of you know already that from my previous posts that Nepal follows a different calendar than the Gregorian calendar. So the months are different and the start and end of the months do not match with the Gregorian calendar. Also Nepali people have lots of festivals according to their own calendar. 

On Sunday, 15 January, it was 1st of Magh  2068. This day is called Maghe Sankranti. It is the end of winter and start of warmer days in Nepal which is also believed to bring an end to the ill-omened month of Poush when all religious ceremonies are forbidden. 

Normally people go to holy rivers around the country  like Devghat, Dolalghat, Sankhamul Ghat to take a holy dip in the morning and offer auspicious food like laddoos (sesame seeds candy ball), chaku (molasses), ghee (clarified butter), sweet potatoes, yam, khichari (mixture of rice and lentils) and green leaf spinach to the gods. Then in the afternoon and evening there will be a bhoj (get together) to eat all these food they have prepared. 

Chaku (Molasses) is a viscous by-product of the processing of sugar cane, grapes or sugar beets into sugar. 

Laddoos (sesame seeds candy ball) is made with black or white sesame seed and chaku . They are sweet like candy and very tasty. 

In Newari culture, this day is also known as ‘Ghyo-Chaku Salu’ which means the day to eat chaku (molasses) and ghee (clarified butter). 

Days leading to this festival, you will see vendors in the street selling lots of sweet potatoes and yam as well as molasses  and black and white sesame candy balls all across the country. I love the white ones 🙂 

When I was in Nepal, I remember going to my grand ma’s house with my brother and she would put mustard oil on our head and bless us. Then we would be given khichari with melted Ghee and Chaku with sweet potatoes and yam. I really miss those days. 

Happy Maghe Sankranti!!!

10 Comments

Posted in Nepal, Nepali Culture, Newari Culture

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Healthy oat and almond balls

Posted on January 16, 2012 | 8 comments

Post Christmas, I am trying my best to eat healthy and looking for easy and healthy recipes. One of the worst things when you are trying to eat healthy is the urge to snack. I found this oat ball recipe which is easy to make and healthy to eat so I am sharing the recipe here. I tried it and it turned out yummy. It is a very healthy snack which can be stored for days.

 Ingredients 

  • Oat meal – 100gm
  • Almond meal – 200gm
  • Baking powder – 3 teaspoon
  • Honey- 4 tablespoon
  • Oil- 4 tablespoon
  • Carrot -200 gm
  • Crushed almond -100 gm

Procedure

  • Cook the carrot so it becomes soft and mash it.
  • In a bowl, mix oatmeal, almond meal, honey, oil and baking powder.
  • Then add the carrot mash into the bowl and mix everything together and make consistent dough of it.
  • Now take a small amount of dough in your hand and make a ball.
  • Roll the ball in crushed almonds so the ball is fully covered with almond pieces.
  • Make balls out of all the dough and put them in a baking tray.
  • Place the tray in the oven for 25 minutes on 180 degree C.
  • When the balls turn brownish, it is ready to be taken out of the oven.
  • Leave it to cool for 10-15 minutes to harden.
  • Enjoy a healthy snack.

 

8 Comments

Posted in Foodie, Recipe

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My first experience with 000

Posted on January 13, 2012 | 8 comments

000 is the emergency number in Australia and many parts of the world. We have to call it triple zero, not triple O because a while ago when a kid was asked to called triple O; he dialled 666 instead of 000 as MNO was under number 6. I learned that during my Safety Aid Training course. 

This morning the day started as normal. I was just glad that it was Friday and was looking forward to the weekend when I came to work. If you don’t know it, Australians love their coffee but they don’t like filter or homemade ones but they love barista made coffee from the cafés. Every morning at work, one of us will do the coffee round and bring coffee for all of us in the department. It is a kind of routine now and everyone knows what others drink. Actually even the person at the café knows what we drink so all we have to say is 5 coffees please, for H, M, T, S and J. 

I am not a big coffee drinker but still go for hot chocolate sometimes. So this morning when my boss was going for her coffee, she asked me if I wanted my hot chocolate. I said “No Thanks’ and she went to grab her coffee. 

After 10 minutes, one of my colleagues came running inside the office looking for a fist aid kit. She looked panicked so I asked her what happened. She said that on the way back to work from the coffee shop, my boss tripped and fell down on the footpath. Her face hit the concrete footpath cutting her jaw. The hot coffee she was carrying was all over her as well. 

I didn’t know what to do so I went out to check on her. By this time she was in the bathroom with people trying to help her. While I was there, she told us that she was feeling dizzy so we thought it was best if we called an ambulance for her. Someone just picked my name and said call the ambulance. 

I have never called an ambulance in my life before but I’ve been in one of them once. I was a bit panicked but picked up my phone and dialled 000. A lady picked up the phone in 2 rings and asked if I wanted ’Police’, ‘Fire’ or ‘Ambulance’. I told her I required ambulance and then she asked the address. Then she transferred me to another lady who asked me in details how the patience was. I went on describing what happened and how she was looked a bit pale and was complaining of dizziness. Normally I am calm on the phone but today something in my head made words just rush out of my mouth and I don’t even know now what I said. I was still on the phone when I heard the siren. 

I rushed out to bring the ambos inside. It was around 10 minutes from the time of the call and they arrived at the front door so I should say that was not bad. Others were still looking after my boss when I ushered the ambo guys in and they came and checked on her. 

I never knew that my boss has a very strong reaction if she sees any blood. After the check up they said that she was ok and she had dizziness because she saw so much blood. They fixed her bleeding jaw and did some more check up. They had her blood sugar checked, ECG and temperature tested. They said it looked good and unless she felt dizzy again, they could let her rest at office itself. 

After the ambos left, we made sure she had plenty of water to drink until her husband came and picked her up to take her home. We were talking normally when her chin started to bleed again so I put some dressing on the wound. She went home after that. I hope she will be fine soon and will be back to work next week. 

I just completed one part of the Safety Aid course recently. It was so much to learn but was fun as well.  I never thought I would be using some of those skills anytime soon. But today when I was in a real situation I was lost on what to do or where to start. Thank god this wasn’t a life threatening situation and there were many more people around to help but I have to remind myself to be clam and composed if ever I am in that kind of situation. I sometimes wonder if the adrenaline will kick in for me when I have to make a right decision in such a situation. I crossed my fingers and prayed that day would never come in my life. For now, I am just looking forward to spending the rest of the evening and the weekend with my hubby relaxing. Happy weekend everyone. 

8 Comments

Posted in Health

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