Tag Archives: personal experience

Women gain weight after marriage: I am the proof

I know that I am talking about a touchy subject, weight. But I need to talk about it. Just letting you know that I am sharing my personal experience and you may not agree with it.

As you all know, I got married in June 2011 (God, it has been 10 months already), and I realise that I have put on some weight. I really watch what I eat and exercise regularly but this weight gain has shocked me. I keep telling my husband about it but he keeps on telling me that a few kilo is nothing and I look good anyway. But for me, every time I step on the scales, I get disappointed when I see that I have put on  weight.

The funny thing is I am saying NO to all the junk food while AS is enjoying chocolate biscuits and other indulgence. We go to the gym together and he still manages to lose weight easily and I don’t. Some days it makes me so frustrated. I do know that women’s metabolism is lower than men’s but I am not eating as much as him anyway.

We used to have snacks every evening after work and I thought that had contributed on my weight gain so I stopped having my tea and biscuits but still my weight seems to stay put.

I know I am not fat but I am not as skinny as I was before marriage either. I know that because some of my dresses are a bit tight for me now. Ohoo, I can’t even dream of giving all my cloths away if I ever put on weight. Also my husband won’t be happy either as I will have to go on a shopping spree to compensate for that.

The other day,  I was watching a show on TV call THE DOCTORS and it opened my eyes as to why it has been so hard for me to lose weight even after I realised I had put on a few kilo and was trying my best to lose it. They explained that man has more muscles compare to women so when they exercise, it is easy for them to lose the weight quickly than women. I think it is not fair but I guess I just have to work harder.

While doing my research, I also found out that women don’t need to eat as much as men but when one gets married or starts living together, because of the love, ones husband will ask the wife to share food with him every time he snacks on any food (so true in my case) and I am sure that is not helping me right now to lose weight either.

The third and last factor I found out is age. As we get older, our metabolism rate decrease so we need to cut down on our energy intake otherwise there is no stopping the weight gain.

I know I haven’t let myself go after the wedding. I am still health conscious and want to keep my weight in check. My dream is to be a sexy hot grand ma in my 70’s. 🙂

Anyway, once I realised the factors I listed above, I have been doing well and have lost 3 kgs. My aim is to lose 2 more kilos before the start of our next holiday.

I know my husband loves me but I told him not to share his snacks with me. I am also watching what I eat. So if you are having a similar problem as I did, this is what I did and it helps.

  • Eat Less and Move More
  • Don’t eat when you are not hungry even if someone is snacking next to you.
  • Increase your exercise time as you grow older.
  • Have a goal in mind and weigh yourself every week. Keep a record of how you are doing. Remembering how much you have lost/gain will stop you from going for unhealthy lunch. (This worked so well for me)
  • You don’t need to starve to lose weight, just watch your portion size.
  • Be realistic on your goal and work towards it. Any loss in weight is better than none.
  • Ultimately weight loss is about the balance between calories intake and calories burned

Here are some healthy eating tips found on zenhabits (http://zenhabits.net)

  • Water water water. It kick-starts your metabolism. Stop drinking soda.
  • Make one change at a time. Don’t cut everything out at once. For example, cut out fried foods. When you’re used to that, cut out soda, etc.
  • Lay off the rubbish food, apart from one day a week where you can eat what you like – it’ll help you stick to it and you won’t have the temptation to eat rubbish all the time.
  • Be mindful of what you are eating. Keep a food journal or diary. Seeing it in writing always gives it weight and helps reveal patterns or triggers.
  • Stop the evening eating. You don’t want to eat and then go to sleep. All those calories just sit there unused while you sleep.
  • Eat mostly raw fruits, veggies and nuts.
  • Brush your teeth early in the evening rather than just before bed. It keeps you from snacking if you’re not really hungry.
  • Portion control used with a 20 minute wait time — wait 20 minutes after eating the sensible portions, and then see if you still feel hungry. Nine times out of ten, you won’t. If you do, get a little more.
  • Cut out sugar.
  • No fast food. Period.
  • Commit to one diet — and stick to it for life. Start by making a list of low-calorie foods that you love, that you find satisfying; and when you’re hungry make sure you eat lots of those foods.
  • Eat slow and you will only eat as much as you need to be full.
  • Whenever you eat, think about how much food you would waste by overeating. Your body doesn’t *need* all the food that’s on your plate, why waste it? You could eat the leftovers for lunch the next day and save yourself some money, or you could split it with your loved one and have company while you eat. You could give it to the homeless guy down the block who REALLY needs it. Any reason you find not to waste that food is a good one.
  • Everything in moderation. If you really want French fries and a hamburger, or ice cream, or a cookie it’s OK to indulge a little occasionally. Key word is occasionally. Better to indulge a little, than to binge later.
  • Learn to cook, from scratch. That way, you control what you are eating.
  • Observe your hunger patterns. Choose a bedtime that’s early enough to keep you from after-dinner snacking. Stick to that bed-time. If you must snack before bed, have something small and healthful. Maybe a tiny portion of whole grain cereal with milk.
  • Eat lots of fibre, it’s surprisingly filling compared to that cupcake.
  • Eat as soon after you get up as possible. This gets your metabolism working at a higher rate sooner in the day.
  • Cut out alcohol or reduce your intake to one or two glasses a week.
  • If you are hungry between meals, try eating a small portion of food that is high in protein. It can be more effective to eat one piece of cheese or some yoghurt or nuts than to eat bread or crackers or other snack foods.
  • Go to bed early and get up early. If you stay up late, you will overeat, guaranteed. It doesn’t matter if you are a night person; change into a morning person. When you go to bed early, you don’t think about food all night.
  • Instead of counting calories, concentrate on reducing your fat intake. Fat that you eat converts more readily into body fat than does protein or carbohydrate.

Arranged marriage: My perspective

Lately I have been reading lots of blogs that have a lot to say about arranged marriage. Some of the views expressed in those blogs are general ideas while some of them wrote their own personal experience with arranged marriage. I agree with a lot of information while there are some with which I disagree. One of the biggest misconceptions about arranged marriage that I want to clear out is that “Arranged marriage is not forced marriage”.

I was born in Nepal where arranged marriage is common even till today. I wanted to write about arranged marriage for a while but then I had a love marriage so I was not sure if I was right  in commenting about it. Finally I decided to write about what I have seen and learnt about arranged marriage in Nepal. My ideas and views are of Nepali arranged marriage, specifically in Kathmandu. I do understand that it may be different from other South Asian arranged marriages.

Both my parents and parents in law had arranged marriage. Both couple are happily married for around 3 decades now. I see love between them every time I look at them and there is no negative effect of arranged marriage in their relationship.

With my parents, they met 3 times before they decided to get married. Everything was arranged by the two families and they met to see each other and make up their minds.  On their first date, they had company while on the other two they were able to talk to each other by themselves. According to my mum, in those days it was normal to meet your future spouse only a couple of times before getting married.

After marriage, they slowly started to know each other and build their relationship. If you see them now, you will agree with me that they are soul mates who are in love and living their happily ever after.

My dad has 6 siblings and my mum has 3, out of which only 1 of my aunt and 1 uncle had a love marriage and the rest were arranged marriages. All the arranged marriages are going strong. Out of 2 love marriages, one has ended in divorce (not the fault of love marriage of course) and the rest are doing well.

You might say it is an old story but I know people who had arranged marriage just a few months ago and even a few weeks ago. One of them is a good friend while other is my cousin.

With my friend, she is a bit shy so she didn’t want to date anyone even though she had lots of guys after her when we were in college. When the marriage questions were asked by her parents, she told them to find a suitable match. So she was engaged last year and after a year of knowing the guy finally they got married in December.

With my cousin, he lives in US where he is super busy with his work. He never stays in one place for long enough (due to his work) that he gets to meet girls let alone fall in love. So when the family started asking him to get married, he handed down the responsibility to his parents who found a really nice girl and they got married last week in a traditional Newari marriage ceremony. His parents are really happy with this marriage and both bride and groom had 100% say in the decision.

The point I want to make is that just because it is an arranged marriage does not meant that it is a bad thing. It may sound weird to a society where it doesn’t happen but please do have an open mind when you think about it.

Let me put it this way, the modern arrange marriage is like joining rspv.com in the western world. Even I considered having an arranged marriage at one stage (read here for more). So it is not silly or backward thing but just a tradition in most South Asian society.

These days when a girl or guy tells their family that they are OK with arranged marriage, first the family and relatives look for a prospective partner with qualities like

  • Similar caste
  • Similar family reputation
  • Girls/guy’s qualification (study, job)
  • Girl/guy’s qualities  (look, hobbies, background)
  • Cultural and/or religious understanding

It is like RSVP scanning anyone who wanted to join their site. The hard part is done by the family so the girl/guy only meets prospective partners who are suitable.

So as a first step, photos of the prospective partners (already filtered by the family) are shown and they can pick a few they like. Then they will be given either phone numbers or/and email id of the prospective partners so they can talk and chat. These days Skype and Facebook seems to be the way people choose to communicate.

At this stage both guy/girl has time to evaluate the person and if they want, the next step will be dating. They normally meet a few times and stay in touch before they tell their family if they are happy with their prospective partners or not. I found out that at this stage most of the prospective partners fall in love. (I think it is similar in dating world as well anyway.)

If both parties have positive response then the family will get together and have an engagement function. These days I see couples engaged for one or more years before they finally get married. In some cases, marriage happens after only a few weeks after the engagement as well.

So both the boy and girl have full say in who they are going to marry even if it is an arranged marriage. Parents don’t treat their kids like a commodity to negotiate and scrutinize and make them marry just anyone without asking them. Family and society have changed according to time in Nepal so they understand that it is important to get the children involved on making decisions of their life.

Here are some advantages of arrange marriage

  • Financial security

You can call me materialistic but money does matter in real life. It is only in fairy tales that people can live happily ever after in a swamp or jungle. No parents wants their kids to suffer so they make sure when they are looking for prospective partners that they are secure and well off financially and is in the same level as their family.

  • Caste, cultural and/or religious understanding 

Family make sure prospective partner belongs to a similar caste and culture so they can easily adjust into their new life. It is same as RSVP asking what religion or ethnic group you belong to, in their form.

  • Family approval and support

As you know, eastern society live in a close-knit environment, it helps a lot when your in laws approve the prospective partner. This way the couple will get help from their parents physically, emotionally and in most cases financially as well. I think it is not a bad thing to have two sets of families in your life.

  • Avoidance of  (more) pre-marriage relationships/courtship

They say you have to kiss many frogs before you meet your prince charming. We all see and experience that and we have actually gone through a few relationships before we settle with Mr. Right. With arrange marriage, it eliminates the years many waste dating multiple persons, and allow a person to find a good spouse if you choose to follow this path from the beginning. In other cases, you have been there and done that and didn’t not want to go through the heartaches again, this can be a way out to make your life bit easier.

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