If you are in Sydney and feel like a mud cake, do go and visit Maisy’s café in Neutral Bay. They sell the best mud cake and open 24 hours. I have been their fan for 10 years now and recently I took AS there and he agreed with me too :). The cake just melts in the mouth and they have good coffee as well. They serve cake with chocolate sauce, ice cream and strawberry.
I know I am writing about a very sensitive topic but I need to say something about it. I want to express my view and I’m not expecting anyone to agree with my opinion. If you have a different view, I am happy to hear about it.
For the last few months, the issue about same sex marriage is up in air in the Australian media. Prime Minster, Julia Gillard is pushing for a conscience vote on the subject as a compromise where as Christian groups are against any change to the marriage law which some people in the government want.
We say Australia is a developed country but people here still can’t be open enough to accept gay marriage as a part of normal society.
Growing up in Nepal, it was a very foreign concept to even know anything about gay and lesbian, forget about meeting one. I am sure there are gay people in Nepal but they are too scared of society and family to come out of the closet.
When I was studying in TAFE, I became good friends with an Italian guy RG and he is gay. For me he is like any other male friend so him being gay never is an issue in our relationship. Honestly in two years, I never made any judgement for or against him just because he is gay. Being friends with him I came to realise that being gay wasn’t a choice and I don’t think it should matter to anyone what his sexual orientation is unless they are his partner.
It is so strange that society impose things on us since the day we are born. Like pink for a baby girl and blue for a baby boy. Then when we are young, girls are meant to play with dolls while boys play with cars. Simple things like wanting to have short hair as a girl or loving nail polish as a boy is looked down as weird. All the fairy tales have a beautiful princess who falls in love with a prince charming. Even in most movies, it is a story about a man and a woman so it is normal for people to believe that heterosexual marriage is the only normal thing.
But seriously, normal is defined by society. You may have found that in different culture and different countries, there are sharp contrasts in what they call normal. For example: for Christians and other religions, a bride wears white for wedding while in Hinduism, bride wears red during wedding but wears white as a window. So which one is normal and which one is not.
Please look at the video.
If this video was shown to you randomly, the only thing you will see is a guy falling in love, having emotions and having a relationship that has ups and downs. Until you see another man at the end, did you feel that it was so normal and romantic? So just because it was with another man not a woman, why do people think it is wrong.
Who are we as a society to tell someone that their feeling is not real just because it doesn’t meet the society’s conventions. If they want to get married and live together as a couple, why are there so many organisations and individuals opposing that? We really don’t care when two heterosexual people get married so why is it such a big deal that two same sex couple decide to get married. If same sex couple get married, does anyone get hurt? Definitely not, so why is it so hard to pass the law to allow same sex couple to unite in the joy of marriage with the blessing of their family and friends.
If Holland, Sweden, Spain and South Africa can accept same sex marriage, why do Australian people have a problem? If you know anyone who is gay around you, you know that they are real people with real hearts who pay their taxes and live by the law so why are we discriminating against them just because of their sexual preference.
I know many religions consider being gay as a sin but that is your choice. Just because you follow and believe in that religion, doesn’t mean that the rest of the world needs to follow you as well.
They recently conducted a poll which showed that 60% of Australians support gay marriage but the government is still in a limbo. I really want the government to do something about it soon and pass the law for gay marriage so we live in a discrimination free society.
Marriage is all about love and commitment so it doesn’t really matter if that is between a man and a woman or a same sex couple. We should all just wish them happiness and support their decision to live their life together.
As I mentioned in my previous post ‘Ihi’, every Newar girl have to perform the ritual called ‘Ihi’ and after ‘Ihi’, they have to perform the ritual called ‘Bhara’.
‘Bahra’ is also known as ‘’Bahra tyagu” in Newari and Surya Darshan or Gufa rakhne in Nepali. In this ceremony, the girl is married to the sun.
In some culture, this ceremony is done when the girl has her first menstruation and in other cultures, it occurs after they get an auspicious date from a priest .
It is believed that the girl is protected by the sun from bad people and the evils after this ceremony.
For this ceremony, a girl will stay in a room of her house for 12 days without seeing sunlight and not meeting any male person. ( I still don’t know the reason for this so please share if you know).
In the room at one corner, a cloth is put as Bahra Khayak (ghost) and worshipped by the girl as she is believed to be in possessed by evil. Before she eats anything, one portion needs to be separated for Khayak. If the ritual is not followed, it is believed, the Khayak will scare the girl at night.
My Bahra ceremony
The hardest part of the ritual is not to eat salt during the first 6 days. I was only 13 years old when I had my Bahra and I remember crying for salt everyday as food doesn’t taste good without salt. As this culture is different among different families, I am writing about how members of my own family go through this tradition.
After the sixth day, close female relatives like maternal uncles (mama), dad’s sisters (fufu) and other relative will come and meet the girl with food like popcorn and Rotis and fruits. Also from the sixth day, there will be powder called ‘Koaa’ which is used by all the women to make them look beautiful. You have to follow a special direction to use this and it is meant to clean the skin. It is used especially by the Bahra girl to look good when she come out of hiding on the 12th day.
Step to use Koaa.
Alha during Bahra
In these 12 days the girl will be entertained by her female friends and relatives. While I was in my room we had ludo, snake and ladder and dolls to play with. As my family was ok for me to hear male voice we had radio so we used to play it loud and dance.
Some days went really quick as I had many visitors around and then there were days which were so long, I couldn’t wait to go out.
On 12th day there will be a big celebration of the ending of this ceremony.
Surya darshan during Bahra
In the morning, the girl purifies herself by taking a bath. Then she is dressed in bridal sari and make up. She will then be covered my shawl and take to the open space where Puja is performed. There will be Ganesh Puja first and then Surya Puja followed by Surya Darshan. It will be the first time the girl will see the sun in 12 days. Also Sindoor is put on the girl’s forehead as a symbol of marriage to the sun and a yellow string is put around her head.
Like in Ihi, there will be a special person who cuts toe nails for the girl and then paints the feet with red colour called ‘Alah’. Also, ‘Thaa bu’, a plate which has eggs, yogurt, wine, fruits, Roti, meat, fish and much more for the girlsto eat is served like in the real wedding.
Then she will be given Sagun and gifts by family and relatives. Also after this Puja, the girl will go with her relatives to a nearby temple and do more Puja.
In the evening of that day there will be a big bhoj (party) and lots of relatives and friends are invited.
After this ceremony the girl becomes an adolescent.
Posted in Nepal, Newari Culture
Tagged Alah, Bahra Khayak, Bahra tyagu, fufu, Ganesh Puja, Gufa rakhne, ihi, Koaa, mama, menstruation, Puja, Sagun, Sindoor, Surya Darshan, Surya darshan during Bahra, Surya Puja, Thaa Bu
According to Newari tradition, girls are married three times in their lives.
First one is called ‘Ihi’ then ‘Bara Tayegu’ and then the real human marriage.
I am writing about the first marriage in Newar girl’s life which is called ‘Ihi’. “Ihi’ is also known as Bel Bibaha in Nepali. It is performed before a girl turns 13 years old. It is a compulsory ceremony every girl has to go through in most Newar community.
I too had the ceremony held for me but I can’t remember a lot about that day. I was quite small, I think 7 or so years old when the ‘Ihi’ was held for me.
In ‘Ihi’ ceremony, the girl is married to Lord Vishnu with the bel fruit (wood apple) as a witness. This ceremony is performed to save the girl from evil and malicious spirits but the most important reason is to protect the girl from unpleasant humiliation of widowhood. As I mention in my post Widows in Nepal, it is really hard for the women in Nepal when they become widows. They had to take part in ‘Sati’ process in the old days, so in order to save their daughters from ‘becoming Sati’, Newars started a tradition in which they married their daughters to Lord Vishnu first. So even if her human husband dies in the course of her life, she doesn’t need to take part in ‘Sati’ ritual since her first husband, Lord Vishnu is still alive.
Some also believed this tradition allowed women to be more independent of their husbands. They can divorce or become widows without losing reputation.
Ihi is performed in mass over two days. It is normally organised by priests in their own house or backyard or someone can choose to host it in their house.
The first day is called Dusala Kriya. On this day, young girls have to bathe with pure water and are dressed like a bride in ankle length skirt, blouse and shawl. These days, you will see them as mini versions of traditional Nepali brides. Then all the girls will gather in the priest’s house. They sit on the floor in a long line with their mothers. Then the Puja begins where these girls go through sequences of ritual actions of purification. They have to worship images of Suvarna Kumara, the golden Bachelor which is an aspect of Lord Vishnu. It normally takes 5-6 hours for this ceremony to be over.
The second day is the most important day of the ritual ‘Kanyadan’ (giving away of the daughter by the father) is performed on this day. For this day as well, the young girls are dressed as brides and taken for the Puja. On this day, they wear some special ornaments as well.
There will be a special person who cut toe nails for all the girls and then paint the feet with red colour called ‘Alah’. Also at the end of the day, ‘Thaa bu’ , a plate which had eggs, yogurt, wine, fruits, Roti, meat, fish and much more for the girls to eat is served like in the real wedding.
There will be more Puja performed and the day will end by the father doing a ‘Kanyadan’ and giving away his daughter to Lord Vishnu in marriage with the Bel fruit as a witness.
‘Ihi’ is one of the many tradition the Newar community in Nepal follow and is unique to them.
Posted in Nepal, Newari Culture
Tagged Alah, bara tayegu, bel bibaha, bel fruit, Dusala Kriya, gufa, ihi, Kanyadan, lord Vishnu, newari culture, Suvarna Kumara, Thaa Bu, wood apple
Wikipedia defines Pap test as (also called Papanicolaou test, Pap smear, cervical smear, or smear test) a screening test used to detect pre-cancerous and cancerous processes in the endocervical canal (transformation zone) of the female reproductive system. Changes can be treated, thus preventing cervical cancer.
I have know about Pap test for a while as there are so many ads in the tv about the importance of getting a Pap test .
The information I am aware of so far about Pap smear is
Look at the ad below for Pap test.
I had booked one test a while ago in April 2011 but for some reason I couldn’t go. Everytime I visit my GP , they would ask me if I had one done but I kept telling them that I would do it soon.
On Wednesday , I wasn’t feeling well so went and saw a GP near work. She was a young female doctor so I thought I will mention to her that I will need a Pap test as well. She asked me if I had one done before and my answer was no.
So after so many months of putting it off, I had my first Pap test.
It was really quick and I didn’t fell as uncomfortable as I thought I would. She just asked me to lie on a bed and examined my cervix. She place an instrument called a speculum and took two swapes with wooden spatula which will be sent away to a lab for a test. All it took for the test was 5 minutes of my time.
I feel like a fool now for not doing it sooner. My result will be available by next week.
I am writing this post hoping that if any of my female reader is putting off doing a Pap test, then my experience will encourage you to go and book the appoinment. As I said before it is not as bad as it sounds and it can save your life.
Posted in Health
Tagged cervical cancer, cervical smear, chhora said, endocervical canal, Pap smear, pap test, Regular Pap test saves life, smear test, speculum
nepaliaustralian 