I think being a mum is a really hard job as you are constantly judged. Not by your little ones as you are their world (at least when they are small) but everyone around us. Every time you have a conversation with someone, they will subtly imply that either they are doing a better job than you or that you am doing something wrong.
There are many instances like that but here are some recent examples.
- As I mentioned previously, I normally make Chhori’s jaulo in advance. I make a batch for 3-4 days so I don’t have to cook every day. A mums have a shocked look on their face saying how baby can eat old food. They also mention that, they never even give their kids foods that were cooked in the morning for dinner. So fresh meal is prepared every meal. First of all, good job for doing that but please don’t judge me. I want to spend more time with my daughter when I come home from work every time than spend too long in the kitchen preparing food in advance helps me achieve my goal. It is good that you can manage everything so well but not everyone is the same so let it go.
- I told someone that Chhori is sleeping in our room in a cot and end up on our bed as well. I was told we should make sure she sleeps in a separate room form around 3 months if not from birth. I guess being from Nepal, I felt it normal to have baby in our bedroom. We have made a room for her but I am not ready for her to sleep on her own yet. According to them, making them sleep on the same room as parents, we are not giving them room to be independent.
- I am still breastfeeding (Chhori is 13 months now) as I still have plenty of supply and am thinking to continue it until she is around 18 months. People are shocked that I haven’t stopped already and that I am still thinking to go for so long. These days recommended timeframe here is at least 1 year and longer if you can so I was thinking I was following the guidelines but some mums think I am doing it all wrong.
- I wrote a post recently about Waiting for baby to wake up when she sleeps in a car. Many mums think I am going overboard and someone even mentioned that I should get “Mother of the year” award. But for us, it is necessary as Chhori mostly has short naps like 30-45 minutes and if we wake her up, she won’t even sleep that long.
- I love dressing Chhori up and to my surprise, some people have a problem with that too.
- If you are on my Facebook, you will see lots of photos and videos of Chhori. I frequently update it and it is mainly for our family overseas. AS’s parents haven’t met seen Chhori yet so it is important for them to see all these photos and videos but some people think I am sharing too much.
- When I started going to the gym, initially my mum was here so I used to leave Chhori with her but later I put her in childcare. A few people told me that she is too young to be left with strangers even for 2 hours. It was selfish of me to leave a baby just to exercise.
- I used to take packaged food (purees) for Chhori when we are out and about when she was small. I was judged for buying her food instead of bringing home cooked meal. Now she can eat our food so I try to give whatever she can eat. So now I am judged for giving her adult food and not bringing baby food from home.
These are only a few examples. As you can see, there are so many times that people make me doubt about me being a good mum. I am trying my best and I love Chhori so much that I want the best for her.
Am I being unreasonably upset or this happens to you as well?
Hope you are having better day than I am. Take care.
M from nepaliaustralian
P.S: Do not forget to vote your favorite blog . NEPALIAUSTRALIAN’s Blog Award 2015
You are a mother and you know best what to do with your kid or how to raise her. Every mother and her upbringing is different… you do whatever and however wanna do.. at the end it’s only about you, AS and your baby… it’s a bonding, don’t let that go by people’s comments..
Thank you dear ❤ ❤ ❤
Hun I am a new mum too (my son is 1 1/2) and from the sounds of it ur being an awesome mum! As women and mothers we should help build up each other and support one another instead of constantly judging and tearing each other down. Everyone has their own back story and their own way of being raised, and in turn that helps shape how they raise their children.. Well to each is own .. I wouldn’t let these people get you down Hun! As long as your family is happy, healthy and loved that’s all that matters 💕
Thank you so much Amanda . So true that no one know your circumstance as you do so you need to so what is best for you. I am slowly learning to ignore the negative people in my life 🙂
You have a great blog 🙂
I think breastfeeding is important and you have the right to do so as long as you wish, dear. My sister in-law breast fed for almost 2 years, supplementing as she wished with homemade and store bought baby food. I used both kinds of food when my babies were over 7 to 9 months old. Once they reach a year, “table food” (or adult food) is fine. If you start earlier or later, this is up to parents! You are a beautiful mother, inside and outside.<3
Thank you Robin. You have been so supportive every time. Glad I have come across you in this blogsphere.
I’m not a mother but I see this often. Strangers leaving unsolicited advice on celebrities’ photos on instagram or facebook. People feel strongly about their ideas on motherhood and childcare, and perhaps feel the need to verbalize them because they think they’re coming from a place of concern? That being said, having good intentions behind them don’t make the opinions/criticism less annoying/hurtful. A lot of this is cultural and personal. So, you do you 🙂
I strongly believe that we don’t know the circumstance of any person so it is unwise to comment just by looking at one photo or a video. I find so many negative people round who can see negative in anything. It is better to stay as far away from them as possible.
Unfortunately the judgements do not stop as the children grow and get to school etc. You just learn to shrug your shoulders and get on with what you think is best and not worry about it. Your and your baby’s happiness are always the main thing. Good luck!
Ohoo how wish it is not true but I know it is. I really need to grow thick skin and ignore all the nonsense and focus on helping Chhori to be a fine human being. But I know i will get hurt from time to time and will come here and write about it as well.But I am so glad that everyone here are so nice and supportive giving me hope for future :). Thank you.
There is no right and wrong in terms of raising baby as long as baby gets right nutrition and shows healthy growth. Every one has an opinion and every ones priorities and life are different. So, you needn’t question your way of life so much that it bothers you and that guilt is bad for mental health.
Plus, I feel, you are cool mom with so full of life. I can see that your chorri or any kid for that matter would enjoy your companion.
Thank you so much, I really appreciated that. I don’t know what happens when it comes to babies, everyone has opinion no matter if they have kid 20 years ago or they have never had one. 🙂
I can understand. If you cannot escape their opinions, may be it’s fun to just hear them out just for the sheer fun of it without defending it ..:)
I am learning to do that and slowly getting there 🙂
So strange other mums 🙂
Our son was breastfed until he was a year old, until he turned two years he slept in the same room as us and ended up always in our bed (now he has his own room but comes in the middle of the night to sleep with us), in Germany and Finland it is not unormal for the child to be at kindergarten/ daycare for half day shortly after they are a year old. We also prepare food ahead and Nathan eats it for a few days and he is healthy as a child that age could be
I am so glad to read , you guys did things similar to what I am doing. I know people can be strange sometimes but I need to grow thick skin too so i can ignore all the nonsense. 🙂
Afterall every parent has a different view towards raising a child so I think it is always stupid when people make such comments about how you do it yourself
So true 🙂
I am surprised at the amount of criticism.. It should be nobody else’s business but you and your husband’s on how you raise your child. Besides, I think parenting is too complex and there cannot be a clear wrong or right for every little thing. It’s dependent on too many factors. Ignore the criticism, and carry on with doing the best you can for your lovely daughter! 🙂 I am sure she will turn out fine and appreciate what her parents did for her.
I really hope that Chhori will grow up and appreciate what she has. We are trying our best from now to help her to be fine woman. Only time will tell if we are successful or not 🙂
This really is an excellent blog. I have no doubt that Baby will grow up just fine. I can’t understand why anybody should think it’s wrong for Baby to be in your room and if there’s nothing wrong with making a few days supply of Baby’s food too. In my case I would just close my ears to all adverse comments because I would consider this my business and nobody else’s. I bet you really are an excellent Mum with endless love for your baby.
Thank you dai. I thinking sometimes it is hard not to hear but I am learning and getting there slowly 🙂