Tag Archives: big nepali wedding

Being a good mum

I think being a mum is a really hard job as you are constantly judged. Not by your little ones as you are their world (at least when they are small) but everyone around us. Every time you have a conversation with someone, they will subtly imply that either they are doing a better job than you or that you am doing something wrong.

Chhori (3)

There are many instances like that but here are some recent examples.

  • As I mentioned previously, I normally make Chhori’s jaulo in advance. I make a batch for 3-4 days so I don’t have to cook every day. A mums have a shocked look on their face saying how baby can eat old food. They also mention that, they never even give their kids foods that were cooked in the morning for dinner. So fresh meal is prepared every meal. First of all, good job for doing that but please don’t judge me. I want to spend more time with my daughter when I come home from work every time than spend too long in the kitchen preparing food in advance helps me achieve my goal. It is good that you can manage everything so well but not everyone is the same so let it go.
  • I told someone that Chhori is sleeping in our room in a cot and end up on our bed as well. I was told we should make sure she sleeps in a separate room form around 3 months if not from birth. I guess being from Nepal, I felt it normal to have baby in our bedroom. We have made a room for her but I am not ready for her to sleep on her own yet. According to them, making them sleep on the same room as parents, we are not giving them room to be independent.
  • I am still breastfeeding (Chhori is 13 months now) as I still have plenty of supply and am thinking to continue it until she is around 18 months. People are shocked that I haven’t stopped already and that I am still thinking to go for so long. These days recommended timeframe here is at least 1 year and longer if you can so I was thinking I was following the guidelines but some mums think I am doing it all wrong.
  • I wrote a post recently about Waiting for baby to wake up when she sleeps in a car. Many mums think I am going overboard and someone even mentioned that I should get “Mother of the year” award. But for us, it is necessary as Chhori mostly has short naps like 30-45 minutes and if we wake her up, she won’t even sleep that long.
  • I love dressing Chhori up and to my surprise, some people have a problem with that too.
  • If you are on my Facebook, you will see lots of photos and videos of Chhori. I frequently update it and it is mainly for our family overseas. AS’s parents haven’t met seen Chhori yet so it is important for them to see all these photos and videos but some people think I am sharing too much.
  • When I started going to the gym, initially my mum was here so I used to leave Chhori with her but later I put her in childcare. A few people told me that she is too young to be left with strangers even for 2 hours. It was selfish of me to leave a baby just to exercise.
  • I used to take packaged food (purees) for Chhori when we are out and about when she was small. I was judged for buying her food instead of bringing home cooked meal. Now she can eat our food so I try to give whatever she can eat. So now I am judged for giving her adult food and not bringing baby food from home.

These are only a few examples. As you can see, there are so many times that people make me doubt about me being a good mum. I am trying my best and I love Chhori so much that I want the best for her.

Am I being unreasonably upset or this happens to you as well?

Hope you are having better day than I am. Take care.

M from nepaliaustralian

XOXO

P.S: Do not forget to vote your favorite blog . NEPALIAUSTRALIAN’s Blog Award 2015

Reliving our Big day

It is 95 days since our wedding. I know it is funny I am counting days and I hope to count them in years as time pass by. We had big wedding (Big, Loud, Crowded, Nepali wedding) and I enjoyed every minute of it. It involved lots of culture, tradition and people I never knew. So I decided I should write about my experience before it goes fuzzy in my head. We had Nepali Newari wedding. I am going to write about our engagement and will continue with all the steps of our wedding. The steps were as follows:

  •  Engagement ceremony –  The day we were officially engaged.
  • Mehendi” ceremony – The day where all girls including Bride get henna tattoo on their hand.
  • Supari” ceremony (from Groom to Bride) – The day when Groom’s family send lots of gifts like jewellery, Saris, cosmetics, shoes, bags, fruits, Nepali Roti , Masala and much more.
  • “Swayambar” ceremony -The day where all the marriage ritual happens and groom put Sindoor (Vermilion) on bride’s forehead and parting of her hair.
  • Bride side Reception – Reception from bride and her family for all their relatives and friends.
  • Janti -The day groom and his family come to bride’s home to take her to their home.
  • Groom side “Supari – The day where Bride is officially introduced to Groom’s family and they give bride jeweller or money.
  • Groom side Reception Reception form groom and her family for all their relatives and friends.
  • Mukh herne” ceremony – The day when Bride’s family come and meet Bride with lots of gifts like jewellery, Saris, cosmetic, shoes, bags fruits, Nepali Roti , Masala and much more
  • WanjalaThe newly married couple visit the temple (Kul Deuta)
  • “Jwain Bhitraune” ceremony – Days when Groom is invited to close relative of Bride for Sagun.

Our Unconventional love story …

As I mention on my previous post Big ,Loud, Crowded, Nepali wedding”, I know my husband, AS since high school. But our story is nothing like childhood sweethearts with happy ending. We were just friends at that point and never in my wildest dream thought will we end up marring each other. It is so true when they say, “You don’t know what future holds for you”.

I was ready to take next step of my life – marriage and family. The only problem with my plan is I have no plan. I didn’t know what I really want. I have never thought in my whole life I will agree with arrange marriage. But as I can’t find the man of my dream, I thought, I will hand over the duty to my parents. As my parents always nag me about marriage, I thought this will make them busy and I always can say no. They were more than willing to take the charge and was so proud that despite living abroad for almost a decade, I choose to go traditional way.

AS is not a very social person so we used to be out of touch for ages. Our email frequency used to once every 6 months. But thanks to Facebook, which I was genuinely surprised he had one, we start talking again. Our infrequent message turned into more frequent one and it was like high school all over again. We had same memories, same friends and it was easy. During this period, I told him one day what I told my parents about looking for a guy for me. To this he said that his parents are looking for a girl for him as well. And then we used to joke about how life has turned out and may be we will meet again only when both of us will be married and have kids. He used to be in US at that time and I was in Australia.

That year I decided to go home for holiday and I had 12 hours transit in Singapore airport. I told him, if he had any time I will appreciate the company over net as I don’t know what else to do in Singapore in the middle of the night. As the time difference was right for him, we chatted for almost 10 hours out of 12. (He told me later he made a special effort that stage.) I think that probably was the first time I felt more close to him. We made fun of each other and asked silly questions and it was great. I wasn’t bored at all and hoped he enjoyed it too. During this conversation, he told me he is planning to come to Nepal as well and try to make it when I will be there. I was really happy thinking at least we can meet again.

We didn’t meet until next 3 weeks but lots of things changed during that period. We used to Skype a lot and talked about my “Possible husband “. It was not that they were bad but I was not ready to meet anyone new so I just made any excuse not to meet them. And numbers of photo was increasing as my parents were determined to find someone before I leave Nepal.

I think my frequent mention of these eligible bachelor made AS realise that the plan he had to express his love for me after he sees me Nepal can’t wait till then. He has to do something otherwise I may be engaged before he knows it. So while we were talking on phone one day, late at night for me and early morning for him, he expressed his feeling for me. He told me how he was in love with me since our school and I am his first love who he never forgot. I was surprised that I never saw that vibe from him ever but I was happy at the same time. During last few months I felt closer to him but I was so sure he will never fall for someone like me; I even try to set him up with one of my good friend. She will kill me if she finds out now. Anyway that was how we started our journey for our happily ever after :). And after all I am not the “Arrange Marriage Type”.

Big, Loud, Crowded, Nepali wedding

Around three years ago, I decided to get married. From that day, I have dreamt of having a very big traditional Nepali wedding. I know every girl dreams to fall in love with their prince charming and have the biggest celebration possible, and I was no different.

There is a special reason why I mentioned 3 years. It is because before that I always thought marriage, especially Nepali traditional marriage, are made only so that men can transfer the job of cooking, cleaning and looking after them from their mothers to their wives.

I am not a feminist but I hate to be one of those wives so I decided that not getting married was the easiest way out. I even told my decision to my parents and they constantly tried to changed my mind. They always gave me all the reasons why marriage is good for me.

Growing up I was a tomboy with lots of male friends. I always found it is easy to make friends with boys than be with a bunch of girls. I do have some really good female friends but I was never a part of the girl group. Hanging out with boys was more fun and I was learning how to ride motorbike and how to play pool.

But things changed slowly when I came to Australia. I started liking dresses to pants and let my hair grow. I still remember my dad’s reaction when he saw me for the first time when I went back to Nepal for the first time after four years. I think seeing me with big earrings and in a dress made him realise that I was no longer a tomboy who had left Nepal four years ago. His exact words were “My daughter has grown up”.

Around 2006, I started getting invitations from my friends for their wedding. I used to ask them how they knew “he/she” was the one. They told me , they were happy with this person  they have married. Even though marriage is not a piece of cake but it isn’t bad either. The weddings I went to were between Nepali – Indonesian, Nepali – Fiji Indian, Nepali – Pilipino, Nepali – Aussie, Nepali – Italian, or Nepali – Nepali. No matter who they were marrying ,one thing was common , they were all in love and extremely happy to be married.

Most of my close friends got married which meant that I was now hanging out with couples. Then I saw what was missing in my life. I saw the care and love they had for each other. They still had arguments, they still disagreed with each other on some things but at the end of the day, they cared for each other and they loved each other.

I wanted the love and care that you can only get from your partner. I liked the thought that “You are no longer alone and there is always someone looking after you.” When I was sure of what I wanted, I called my parents and let them know my decision. I think that was one of the best days of their life as they had been worried sick that I would end up as an old and miserable spinster.

Fast forward two years and I was in the middle of the chaos of my own wedding celebration. Almost a year of preparation from both the families, a few changes to the wedding dates, a twenty man band, almost 2000 guests, 10 day long celebrations and finally me and AS were getting married. It was loud, it was crowed, it was chaotic but I didn’t mind that. I was actually enjoying it. With the blessing of both the families and all our relatives and friends, we got married. One thing I learnt from this experience is that “marriage is not just about two people but it is about two families” – At least, it is in Nepal.