Ever found yourself caught between two worlds, not quite sure where you truly belong? I think many of us can relate to that feeling, especially if you’ve been born in one country, spent part of your life there, and then moved to another to settle down. The sense of belonging can be incredibly confusing.
When I first came to Australia, I felt like I would go back home to Nepal one day. At that time, Nepal was home. But now, when I think about home, it’s Australia. You know that feeling you get when you reach home? It’s definitely Australia for me.
I’ve touched on this topic before, but as I grow older and add kids to the mix, the complexity of it all only deepens. I’ve been living in Australia for over two decades now, which means I’ve spent more time here than in Nepal, where I was born. So, when people ask me if I’ll ever go back to Nepal to live, my answer is a straightforward “No.” This response often surprises people, as it comes out so easily and without hesitation. But it’s the truth.
My emotions and feelings about this are usually pretty black and white, and in this situation, “No” seemed like the obvious answer. There’s no need to be diplomatic or politically correct about it. Some people might get offended by my answer, while others are simply surprised. But how can I be true to myself if I say “Yes” when I know in my heart that it’s “No”?
Yet, there are moments when I question if I truly belong in Australia. Sometimes due to some people’s reaction to the the colour of my skin I feel a pinch in my heart. I occasionally find myself not getting the humour, which can make me feel like an outsider.
If you ask my Chhori (daughter), she’ll say I’m Nepali and she’s Australian. That’s the general perception people have of us. But then, when I visit Nepal, everyone tells me I’m more Aussie than Nepali because of the way I think, talk, and view life. This contrast only adds to the confusion as I grow older.
The concept of belonging is complex and personal. For me, Australia is home now. It’s where I’ve built my life, my family, and my future. That doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten Nepal or that it doesn’t hold a special place in my heart. It always will. But when it comes to where I belong, where I feel most at home, it’s undeniably Australia. And that’s okay. Each of us has our own journey and our own definition of home.
I think one of the main reasons for starting this blog was because of this same feeling. I want to connect with people in similar situations. As the world gets smaller and we travel and migrate more, sharing how we feel will help us stay grounded and feel like we are not alone in this complicated world.
If you’re in a similar situation, tell me how you feel. How do you manage your emotions? How do you find contentment amidst the confusion? Sharing our experiences might help us all feel a little more at ease in our chosen homes.
M from Nepaliaustralian
XOXO
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