Category Archives: Nepal

Our Unconventional love story …

Posted on September 26, 2011 | 6 comments

As I mention on my previous post “Big ,Loud, Crowded, Nepali wedding”, I know my husband, AS since high school. But our story is nothing like childhood sweethearts with happy ending. We were just friends at that point and never in my wildest dream thought will we end up marring each other. It is so true when they say, “You don’t know what future holds for you”.

I was ready to take next step of my life – marriage and family. The only problem with my plan is I have no plan. I didn’t know what I really want. I have never thought in my whole life I will agree with arrange marriage. But as I can’t find the man of my dream, I thought, I will hand over the duty to my parents. As my parents always nag me about marriage, I thought this will make them busy and I always can say no. They were more than willing to take the charge and was so proud that despite living abroad for almost a decade, I choose to go traditional way.

AS is not a very social person so we used to be out of touch for ages. Our email frequency used to once every 6 months. But thanks to Facebook, which I was genuinely surprised he had one, we start talking again. Our infrequent message turned into more frequent one and it was like high school all over again. We had same memories, same friends and it was easy. During this period, I told him one day what I told my parents about looking for a guy for me. To this he said that his parents are looking for a girl for him as well. And then we used to joke about how life has turned out and may be we will meet again only when both of us will be married and have kids. He used to be in US at that time and I was in Australia.

That year I decided to go home for holiday and I had 12 hours transit in Singapore airport. I told him, if he had any time I will appreciate the company over net as I don’t know what else to do in Singapore in the middle of the night. As the time difference was right for him, we chatted for almost 10 hours out of 12. (He told me later he made a special effort that stage.) I think that probably was the first time I felt more close to him. We made fun of each other and asked silly questions and it was great. I wasn’t bored at all and hoped he enjoyed it too. During this conversation, he told me he is planning to come to Nepal as well and try to make it when I will be there. I was really happy thinking at least we can meet again.

We didn’t meet until next 3 weeks but lots of things changed during that period. We used to Skype a lot and talked about my “Possible husband “. It was not that they were bad but I was not ready to meet anyone new so I just made any excuse not to meet them. And numbers of photo was increasing as my parents were determined to find someone before I leave Nepal.

I think my frequent mention of these eligible bachelor made AS realise that the plan he had to express his love for me after he sees me Nepal can’t wait till then. He has to do something otherwise I may be engaged before he knows it. So while we were talking on phone one day, late at night for me and early morning for him, he expressed his feeling for me. He told me how he was in love with me since our school and I am his first love who he never forgot. I was surprised that I never saw that vibe from him ever but I was happy at the same time. During last few months I felt closer to him but I was so sure he will never fall for someone like me; I even try to set him up with one of my good friend. She will kill me if she finds out now. Anyway that was how we started our journey for our happily ever after :). And after all I am not the “Arrange Marriage Type”.

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Posted in Australia, Kathmandu, Marriage, Nepal, Our Wedding, Wedding

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What’s in the name (Surname)?

Posted on September 22, 2011 | 9 comments

It has been exactly 90 days we have been married. 🙂

The day I announce my wedding at work, one of my colleague asked me “So you will change your surname, what’s it gonna be?” The question caught me off guard as I haven’t thought about it at all. Taking your husband’s name is the traditional option (especially in Nepal) but we never discuss it. I am sure both our family expect me to take it but I was in no rush. I have seen my friends change their surname in Facebook the day they got married (I am not sure if they have done legally too) or have used both surnames but I have always thought it can wait few years. Many women will say that their husbands/in-laws  wanted them to change their surname. So they did.

I am not against changing surname if you want to as I also want to do it before we have kids. I am planning to be MJS, mine surname followed by his.  My friend AS is the reason, I will defiantly do it before we have baby as I don’t want to go through the same path as hers.

AS decided not to change her surname when she married CJ (Nepali guy). When they have a baby girl, her mother in law came to visit her in hospital. While she was holding her new grand-daughter, she was shocked to see the tag called her, Baby S instead of Baby J. She made sure AS knows, she didn’t approve of that. But in the birth certificate, hospital wrote baby S as per mother’s surname as well. Because it was in birth certificate, they thought it will be easy to use the same surname in other official documents as well .Now the baby and mum have same surname and dad has different. It created lots of confusion in all the legal documents and I don’t want to go through that.

Back to my situation, I am planning to keep my surname until I can as I want to avoid the hassle of alerting everyone and going through all the paper work right now. Its not  easy to change the name on everything from your driver’s licence to your library card. I know I have to do it one day but mentally I am not ready right now. The most annoying change will be for my passport. I love my passport as it has so many stamps and visas I collected travelling over the years. It is like a story to me and has high sentimental value. Once I change my passport, I will lose all my memory.

All this question is coming right now because my in-laws made official document in Nepal(Relationship certificate) and they send us a copy in case we need it. In that document, they have my name as MS not MJ. My in-laws have never asked me to change it but I think they didn’t as by default in their mind, I am MS not MJ but I want to be MJS in future not MS. 

When I talk to AS about it, he thinks it is normal of his parents to think I am MS now as that in what happens in Nepal. I haven’t changed my Facebook name either (I know it is easy but …) I want to do it in my own pace and I hate it if anyone forces me to do it. He knows what I am planning and he is ok with that but of course he can’t control what his parents think.

Just want to put it out there” Am I allowed to wait until I am ready to change the surname or it is expected to change straight after marriage, especially in Nepali culture?”

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Posted in Nepal, Nepali Culture, Relationship

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Yomari Recipe

Posted on September 21, 2011 | 13 comments

It was my nephew 4th birthday yesterday , so my cousin sister (D) decided to make Yomari to celebrate his birthday in Newari tradition. In Newari tradition, we make Yomari every even birthday (2,4,6,8,12) until a child turns 12. Yomari defined by Wikipedia is “a delicacy of  Newars. It consists of an external covering of rice-flour and an inner content of sweet substances such as  Chaku (Molasses)”

I have helped my mum make Yomari before but never knew the step. Finally I know how to make it and I am sharing here if anyone else want to experiment. So this how we did it.

yomari

Ingredients

  • Rice flour
  • Hot water
  • Sesame seed
  • Chaku(Molasses)

Steps

  • Mix rice flour with hot water and make dough. Make sure you don’t make the dough too soft. Cover the dough with a warm and damp cloth and rest it for 10-15 minutes.
  • Use fry pan to heat chaku (molasses) to get a liquid chocolate like mixture.
  • Mix Chaku and fried sesame seed.
  • In a small bowl pour some water and oil. Now take small amount of dough in a hand and make a round shape.
  • Now press the dough to make a cone-shaped crust as shown in picture.Yomari
  • One side of Yomari should have long tip and other side is hollow.
  • Fill it with mixture of molasses mixed with Sesame seed.
  • Using both hand slowly close the hole and make shape as shown in the picture.

  • Steam it for 15 min.
  • Now it is ready to serve. Enjoy!

 We made 4 with only rice stuffing inside to make Yomari mala (garland) for birthday boy  and rest was made with chaku  (Molasses) . It was yummy.

You may also like :

*Aloo chop *Chatamari *Gundruk Aloo Bhatmas Curry

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Posted in Kathmandu, Nepal, Nepali food, Newari Food, Recipe

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Earthquake in Kathmandu

Posted on September 20, 2011 | Leave a comment

It was end of a beautiful Spring weekend , around 11:00pm, Sunday 18 September 2011 . I was about to go to bed and just browsing my facebook page. My heart sank when I read the status of one of my friend “Earthquake in Kathmandu”. Without thinking, I pick up the phone and dialled my parents’ home number in Kathmandu. I got through but noone was picking up the phone.

I was really scared as I was trying to get more information but as it just happened, there was no information in any media apart from facebook. Now it seems like everyone have calm down in Nepal and updating their status in twitter and facebook. I have read so many times before that Kathmandu is hotspot for big earthquake so my mind was racing 1000mile/hr on why noone is answering phone at my parents house. In the mean time, AS got hold of his family and they were fine.

Seeing me worried, AS asked me to call my dad’s mobile and he picked up the phone in 2 rings. I was so happy to hear his voice and to know everything was fine. He just explained to me that they went to ground floor when earthquake started and they are still there for a while in case aftershock occurs. I talked to my mum for a while before hanging up.

After I hung up the phone, I couldn’t get the fear out of my head . I am so far away from them, the only way I have contact with them is phone and Skype. Imagine if something happened and there is no phone and internet in Nepal for sometime, I won’t be able to be in touch with them. I can’t imagine what would I do .I am trying my best to go there more often and they have come and visit whenever they could but it is nothing like living in next city or next door. We are so far away, 8,028 km according to Google that it make me wonder sometime “Is that really worth coming so far from my parents to find a better life?” Is my life really better now that it would have been if I have stayed and lived in Nepal?

 Sometime I feel really bad thinking my parents have given up so much to make me who I am .Now when I am capable and independent, I am so far and they have noone to look after them. I know they are really happy for me that I am doing well and happy in life but from within I always feel guilty that I let them down. They are growing old everyday and I hope I can be with them when they need me the most. One day I want them to be living  around the corner from them so I can pop in whenever I want but until then thank you Skype for making me feel closer to them. Can’t wait to talk to them this weekend.

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Posted in Kathmandu, Nepal

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Big, Loud, Crowded, Nepali wedding

Posted on September 16, 2011 | 4 comments

Around three years ago, I decided to get married. From that day, I have dreamt of having a very big traditional Nepali wedding. I know every girl dreams to fall in love with their prince charming and have the biggest celebration possible, and I was no different.

There is a special reason why I mentioned 3 years. It is because before that I always thought marriage, especially Nepali traditional marriage, are made only so that men can transfer the job of cooking, cleaning and looking after them from their mothers to their wives.

I am not a feminist but I hate to be one of those wives so I decided that not getting married was the easiest way out. I even told my decision to my parents and they constantly tried to changed my mind. They always gave me all the reasons why marriage is good for me.

Growing up I was a tomboy with lots of male friends. I always found it is easy to make friends with boys than be with a bunch of girls. I do have some really good female friends but I was never a part of the girl group. Hanging out with boys was more fun and I was learning how to ride motorbike and how to play pool.

But things changed slowly when I came to Australia. I started liking dresses to pants and let my hair grow. I still remember my dad’s reaction when he saw me for the first time when I went back to Nepal for the first time after four years. I think seeing me with big earrings and in a dress made him realise that I was no longer a tomboy who had left Nepal four years ago. His exact words were “My daughter has grown up”.

Around 2006, I started getting invitations from my friends for their wedding. I used to ask them how they knew “he/she” was the one. They told me , they were happy with this person  they have married. Even though marriage is not a piece of cake but it isn’t bad either. The weddings I went to were between Nepali – Indonesian, Nepali – Fiji Indian, Nepali – Pilipino, Nepali – Aussie, Nepali – Italian, or Nepali – Nepali. No matter who they were marrying ,one thing was common , they were all in love and extremely happy to be married.

Most of my close friends got married which meant that I was now hanging out with couples. Then I saw what was missing in my life. I saw the care and love they had for each other. They still had arguments, they still disagreed with each other on some things but at the end of the day, they cared for each other and they loved each other.

I wanted the love and care that you can only get from your partner. I liked the thought that “You are no longer alone and there is always someone looking after you.” When I was sure of what I wanted, I called my parents and let them know my decision. I think that was one of the best days of their life as they had been worried sick that I would end up as an old and miserable spinster.

Fast forward two years and I was in the middle of the chaos of my own wedding celebration. Almost a year of preparation from both the families, a few changes to the wedding dates, a twenty man band, almost 2000 guests, 10 day long celebrations and finally me and AS were getting married. It was loud, it was crowed, it was chaotic but I didn’t mind that. I was actually enjoying it. With the blessing of both the families and all our relatives and friends, we got married. One thing I learnt from this experience is that “marriage is not just about two people but it is about two families” – At least, it is in Nepal.

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Posted in Nepal, Our Wedding, Wedding

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