Should you tell your partner about your past?

Posted on December 16, 2011 | 12 comments

I was watching the movie called “What’s Your Number” starting Anna Faris. It‘s a movie about a woman who looks back at her past relationships in her life. It is just your standard chick-flick. At one point she wanted to lie about her past even to her close friends as she realised that she had too many relationships in comparision to her friends. 

While watching the movie it made me wonder how honest we are with our partners. 

Did you tell everything about your past to him/her?  

Did you leave something out just because it didn’t sound right? 

Do you think not telling is not the same as lying? 

While driving home yesterday, they were asking similar questions on the radio and I was surprised by the number of callers who called in to say that they have hidden many things from their partners even though they are in a long term relationship. Their excuse was that if things had happened in the past and they are not effecting the present, why should they talk about it. Some of them even went  and said that if they do tell their partners about their past, their partners may leave them. Others said sometimes it is best to keep your mouth shut. 

I was really surprised to hear that because I thought everyone talks about their past with their partner especially if they are in a long term relationship. Relationships are built on trust so not telling or hiding doesn’t seem to be an option to me. Openness is what I believe is the foundation of a good relationship along with willingness to show themselves to each other. Many people have skeletons in the closet which they rather keep under wraps but didn’t your past shape and mold you to be the person that you are today? 

For me, I believe that when you start a new relationship, you should start with honestly and it includes telling each other everything including things you are not proud of. Things you don’t know won’t harm you is not an excuse for hiding the truth. And yes not telling is the same as lying if it involves your partner. 

When I first hooked up with my husband, I did tell him everything about my past including things I was not proud of and things I know he won’t be pleased with. As he was leaving his familiar surrounding to be with me where he will be hanging out with my family and friends, I thought he needed to learn the truth about me before he can make a decision that he will not regret in the future. Once I told him everything, my heart was lighter because I knew in the future no matter what comes up from anyone, he can say “Yes I know”. That is what I wanted and I am glad he felt the same. 

He also told me everything (according to him)  🙂  . Somethings were not easy to listen to but I know in my heart it was necessary if we were planning to live the rest of our life together. 

Imagine a situation; you are happily married for 5 years. Then you meet your friend who is married as well. So four of you becomes buddies again and start hanging out. If you had left things out from your past while telling your partner about it, don’t you think there is a big possibility that it may come out at any time in the conversation and haunt the two of you? Imagine your partner’s horror if he was not informed about it. It may not happen but it can happen so why do we need to take that chance. Especially in this age of social networking where you don’t know when, how or where you will come face to face with your past? 

So I believe honesty is the best policy when it comes to your partner especially if you are going to spend the rest of your life with him. Starting with an open book will lead you to the happiness that you deserve, than not telling him the truth and praying for it to stay in the closest for the rest of your life.

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Dilemma

Posted on December 15, 2011 | 14 comments

I have a friend from school who used to be very close to me. We used to talk and share our dreams together. We used to have sleepover and share a close bond with each other’s families too. 

When I came to Australia we used to talk often and kept in touch. Our friendship was really strong and my parents used to invite her for all the festivals even I was not in Nepal. I was there to support her and she was there to support me even when we were miles apart. 

5 years ago she decided to come to Australia. I helped her in every possible way. She got a visa to come here and stayed with me. I was really happy to have my friend close to me again. It was going well until one day I found out that she was dating my friend, who I had introduced to her. I was a bit hurt as I would have wanted to hear that information from her but I heard it from a third-party. I didn’t say anything to her. I didn’t ask any questions but waited for her to be ready to talk to me. 

From that time on even as we lived together, we hardly saw each other and had really no conversation with each other. I tried a few times to catch up with her but she seemed too busy with her boyfriend and his family. 

Six months went by and we went from good friends to just room mates. Then she told me that she was going to marry her boyfriend. I was really happy for them as I knew both of them well. I did my best to help her with her wedding but whatever I did didn’t mend the distance between us. 

After the wedding she moved in with her new husband and we didn’t really keep in touch. I called her up a couple of times but I got the feeling that she didn’t want to talk so I stopped calling. I have no idea what happened between us but in this unknown way I lost a friend. 

We still meet during functions organised by common friends but we just say hi and that is all. Last weekend when I went to one of the gatherings, one of my girlfriends informed me that she is expecting a baby. I was so happy to hear the news but I don’t know what I can do. I thought of calling her or writing her an email but I am scared. 

What if she doesn’t response to my email?  or What if the phone conversation becomes awkward? are all the questions that are stopping me from reaching out to her.

I am not even sure she wants me to be a part of her life again. 

Just confused on what I can do next. 

Should I leave things as it is? Or Should I reach out to her?

Can anyone help? If you have been in a similar situation, what have you done? 

P.S: I am writing my version of story as her version can be very different from this. 

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Posted in Emotions, Friends

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Transformation of my social life

Posted on December 14, 2011 | 7 comments

There used to be time when I was young and carefree!!! 

I feel so old now and my social life may be to blame for that. 

Once upon a time not so long ago, I used to look forward to social gatherings and outings. It used to be all about us going out and having fun. All of us were young and most of us were single. Then slowly, everything started to change as one by one all my friends started to get married. 

Then my social events mostly included couples and their wedding parties followed by their anniversary parties and baby showers soon after. 

Now I am going to kid’s party so often. Being recently married, we are not thinking of kids yet but we are surrounded by them. Last Sunday one of my good friend’s daughter turned 3 and there was a BBQ party in a park. It was an afternoon event so when we reached the park, there were lots of kids there with their parents already starting the party. 

There were kids playing on the swings while a few were running around and shouting. Most of the men were around the BBQ while there were ladies who were sitting in the picnic area talking.

 After a brief hello to some people and wishing the little girl a happy birthday, I was left surrounded by lots of woman mostly married with kids while AS was chatting with some guys . 

While hanging out with the mums, I realise that most of the conversation revolved around babies so I had nothing to contribute. 

I used to say things like “ohoo. it is so hard once you have a baby” then every mum had the same answer for my comment “Not at all, it is so much pleasure than pain”. So I started saying “That is so great to have a baby, so much pleasure.” which was an even worst statement as they gave me a look that said, “You don’t know what you are talking about.” So I realised that both of the statements weren’t totally accurate so it was better to keep my mouth shut.

Back to the table, I heard them talking excitedly about how Jonny did in school sports or how Nina has started to walk now. They started amm… and aaaahaaaa…. about each others’ babies and the events surrounding them. All I could do was just smile and nod. 

I was remembering how BBQ used to be before but now that is my social life. I think I will fit in perfectly with all these women when I have my own baby but until then I don’t know how many functions and BBQs I will have to attend where all I will be doing is lots of nodding of my head. 

I absolutely love babies but I guess untill I am a mother myself, I won’t know what to say and when to ammmm.. and aaahhaaa… 

This weekend I have a baby shower, a one year’s birthday party and a wedding to attend. I am really hoping I will have at least a few people in these events who I can relate and talk to.

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Posted in Personal

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Liebster Blog Award : The Karma continues…

Posted on December 14, 2011 | 6 comments

Thank you Tash from Life through Kaleidoscope for Liebster blog  award . “I am honoured and happy to get the award from you.”

What is a Liebster Blog Award?

It’s an award to draw attention to blogs that are terrific but have less than 300 followers but deserves a lot more recognition and is all in the spirit of fostering new connections.

 

Liebster means dearest, favorite or sweetest in German. This award is presented to the blogs which are your favorite, meaning, if you receive this award from a blogger then you are among their favorite blogs.

The Rules for the Liebster Award are:

  • Show your thanks to the blogger who gave you the award by linking back to them.
  • Reveal your 5 top picks for the award and let them know by linking to their blog.
  • Post the award on your blog.
  • Bask in the love from the most supportive people on the blogosphere – other   bloggers.
  • Best of all – have fun and spread all that good blogging karma.

I would like to take this opportunity to award following blogs Liebster blog award. You are not obligated to do anything. This is just my way of showing my appreciation for your blog and letting you know that I love the way they write.

Pumba and Simba 

You were the first one to comment on my blog when I started to write so thank you KC for your support. It is really nice to read your view on intercultural relationship and Nepal. Earlier I used to enjoy your writings but these days, being married I can relate to them too. 🙂 

Diary of a White Indian Housewife 

I have read almost all the post you had Sharell but I haven’t left many comments. One of the main reasons is that there are usually many comments in that post from fellow bloggers expressing similar views as mine. Anyway, I love the way you write about your life in India as it is incredibly interesting. 

Huncha Badar 

I like the way you write and my favourite post so far is “frustrated”. It was so true and straight from the heart. Thank you Amanda for your comments and support. Hope you are enjoying your time with your better half. 

i Scribble

I found your blog by chance but I am so glad I did. I just love the wittiness and humour you have in your post Meengma. And your frequent use of Nepali proverbs helps me not to forget them. Keep up the good job. 

taswin12

Your blog is thoughtful and appealing. I can easily relate to your post about migrant and cultural difference. Thank you for your comments and support .Love to hear more from you. 

6 Comments

Posted in General

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So called Miss Tourism Queen International

Posted on December 13, 2011 | Leave a comment

I have seen lots of beauty pageants over the years as there are beauty pageants for babies as young as a few months to toddlers and big girls. But this particular pageant caught my eye when I saw the way they were conducting the pageant.

I am not too sure how reputable Miss Tourism Queen International is as I have never heard about them before. The only reason I am writing about this contest is because I find it ridiculous to see that a beauty pageant is getting away with doing ridiculous things.

I think any country can send a representative for this pageant but looks like only the girls who can get more money from sponsors to vote for them will advance to the semi final round. Read Rule No 3. It states” A minimum 10 votes cost USD 3.00, 50 votes cost USD15.00, 100 votes cost USD30.00, 400 votes cost USD100.00 and 1200 votes cost USD300.00 with Credit/Debit Card payments only.”

 I am not a big fan of these pageants and I find the statements of the beauty pageants winners to be the same no matter which contest I watch. But to find the above  rules in a pageant seems so wrong. It is clearly a rip-off to organise the contest and ask every one to pay money to vote. Also small countries will have no chance against big countries so I don’t see the point of this whole contest.

 

Look at the girl on the left.

The girls that will be competing for the crown will be there not because they have talent or beauty but they have people who have lots of money behind them. It is so wrong and unethical.

I am not sure what I expect form these beauty pageants but when I see these kinds of pageants blooming left, right and centre, I wonder if there is any legal obligation these pageants have to fulfil before registering themselves as a company. Otherwise I might start my own pageant and charge money to vote and call it “Miss Skin and Bones” pageant.

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