Tag Archives: relationship

My money, your money

Everyone dreams of a perfect marriage and a perfect partner but not everyone is lucky in life. There are many factors that might rock the boat of marriage and money can be one of the main factors.

In the past, money was mainly the responsibility of the man and few women had access to money and as a result money didn’t play a vital role in marriage, as men worked hard to earn money and women looked after house and kids. However, these days more and more women are working, making most household a dual income house.

This has brought lots of question to newly married couple.

Are we going to combine all the finance so your debt is my debt and so is the money?

Are we going to keep your money as your money and my money as mine but share all the expense?

These decisions in life play a vital role on which direction the marriage will go.

Growing up in Nepal, I have seen most of the couples live in dual-income marriages where each has full access and control of their own and their partners earnings. But in Australia, I have seen the couples living happily in both arrangements.

One of the reasons why people are hesitant to combine their finances is because they are scared to lose control over their money. They don’t want another person to tell them how to spend their money or what to do with their money.

I can’t tell you whether or not you should combine your finances with your significant other; it has a lot to do with individual comfort levels, trust, and many other marital issues. However, it is a decision that all couples face, particularly if they choose to marry or agree to a long-term commitment: should we combine our finances or not?

I can only tell you what I do and why I made my decision. From the day, my husband and I got together, we combined all our finances. It was not an easy decision but we made that decision together because we thought that was the path we wanted to take moving forward. We were both honest about what we had and what we wanted in future.

Both of us have the same goals like getting married, buying a house and travel. I have to admit travel was number one on my list and somewhere on the bottom on his but we made a decision that we don’t travel all the time but will have at least one big holiday a year. That sounded realistic to me so I agreed.

By combining our finance I was answerable to my big purchases so I can’t just go and spend $500 on a bag and another $200 on a dress in one day. Even before I take my credit card out of my wallet, I will have to come up with a good reason why I spent so much. It proved to be a good thing for me because I always think before I make a big purchase and when I can’t justify it, I don’t buy it. It was not that he was controlling my purchase but I knew we have a goal to reach to and buying whatever I feel like whenever I feel like was adding unnecessary obstacles in reaching our goals. And the same thing was happening with my husband which meant our saving was growing steadily.

Luckily enough our arrangement is working well for both of us and both of us are happy with what we have achieved so far. We have a long-term plan like where we want to be financially when we retire and when we have babies and we can see that if we stick to our plan. We can reach our goal and that is a very happy feeling.

Regardless of how you arrange things, you should discuss your money at least monthly with your partner. This will definitely give a real overview of your financial situation. Otherwise, imagine your surprise when you find out that your partner is in $20,000 debt.

This can be as simple or as detailed as you like, depending on your comfort level, but there should be at least some time set aside regularly so that each person can be as informed about your shared finances as possible.

I do believe that transparency and open discussions is very important in a marriage, as it will strengthen the bond of shared responsibility. When there is financial transparency and common goals, it facilitates two people pulling together rather than away from each other and marriage gets redefined as a partnership between two contributing adults.

Do share how you mange your money?

Take care and have a great weekend,

M from nepaliaustralian

XOXO

Marriage on the rocks

If you are worried after reading the title, please do not worry, I am still happily married. But recently I have had friends and colleagues who are either divorced, separated or their marriage is on the rocks. This made me think about marriage in general and of course I and AS.

Most of my friends and colleagues I am talking about have been married for a long time. One of them for 10 years, another 14 and others many more too. Most of them were high school sweet hearts and in love for a long time before they decided to get married and have beautiful kids but after such a long union, they decided to part way and inmost cases, the reason was infidelity. I was actually shocked in many cases, as I knew both people in the marriage.

I have heard about the 7 year itch and read a lot about what happens to sex life when one has kids. Still looking around and finding so many people with their marriage in tatters really made me think about marriage in general seriously.

AS is my best friend first before my husband so I share what I was thinking with him all the time. So while in this topic, I asked him “Do you think we might have a problem like this in our marriage as well?” I am not sure what kind of answer I was hoping to get but I was shocked when he answered “Of course, we will. I am not going to say we will have a perfect marriage.” As much as I appreciate his honestly, it also made me worried about the whole institution of marriage.

I come from Nepal, a country where  they teach that marriage is for life but even there things are changing slowly. The divorce rate is still not as high there as in the western world. So when I married AS, I married him for life, for better or for worse. But seeing so many couple heading down the divorce path, I really want to work harder on my marriage to make sure we don’t ever head towards that path.

As everything else in life, I know we tend to take our partners for granted after being with them for few years which means we may not make a special time for him and once kids are in the equation, most mums are really too busy to plan something as a couple. But I still can’t justify someone cheating on their partner because they are bored.

When Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston got divorced many years ago, I was always Team Jen. I used to like Brad Pitt as an actor but I couldn’t stand the fact that he cheated on his wife. I know everyone has their weak moments and relationships go sour but one can always exit the relationship gracefully before entering to another one so why cheat?

Most people who cheat seem to think they will never be found out but living in this modern world where very cell phone has a camera and everyone has Facebook, how can they be dumb enough to go around their partners back to have fun.

While talking to AS, he was making me understand how men think and I know that they don’t have their brain in their head but I still can’t forgive a person who cheats no matter if that’s a man or a women.

But that takes me to my next question. What will do if you find out your partner is cheating?

There are 3 solutions

  1. Do nothing and pretend nothing happened
  2. Forgive and work on the marriage
  3. Get Divorced/Separated

To be honest, I don’t think I will be able to do first two options. I definitely can’t pretend nothing had happened when I know that my husband is sleeping with someone else. I probably could forgive but for the rest of our life I will wonder where he has gone or whom he had been with and that won’t be the kind of relationship I will like to continue where there is no trust. So the only option that I can manage will be getting divorce.

Therefore, I do understand why all my friends decided to choose that path when they found out that their partner was cheating.

But before we can get to that fork on the road where there are only those three solutions there must be things we can do to make sure we are never in that situation.

Of course, relations and marriage are between two people but each individual makes it work so I am seriously thinking about ways to keep our marriage as happy and healthy as it is now. Here are a few things I think will help for a long lasting relationship.

  • Never take each other for granted
  • Do nice things for each other from time to time
  • Make time for each other and hug, kiss, hold each other.
  • Respect each other
  • Think before you speak (I need to practice this more)
  • Compromise to make him/her happy
  • Do things together
  • Be aware of each other’s need
  • Take time out to talk
  • Don’t withhold intimacy as a punishment
  • Never compare your relationship with other couples because you don’t know their real relationship (behind the fake smiles maybe)
  • When your partner does something that upsets you, stop, sit down, and explain to your partner why what he/she is doing is bothering you
  • Accept your partner for who he/she is, after all you married him/her because you loved the way he/she is
  • Respect the fact that your partner is going to need alone time
  • Be positive and work for your future together

Please share your tips here so we all can help each other. All I wish is to have AS in my life until I take my last breath and can’t imagine my life without him. Wish everyone a happy relationship.

Take care everyone and have a great weekend,

M from nepaliaustralian

XOXO

What next?

I and hubby were talking about life in general. I am glad that we were both in similar space in our life right now. We said we both are happy with our life and where we are in life right now. We both are doing what we planned with our life.

10 years ago both of us had one goal, which was to finish our study and get a job. Then we had aim and we both worked toward that and it was a great when we finally reached there. Then it was a phase where we looked for a partner and with god’s blessing found each other. At that phase as well we had an aim and goal and we were working towards it. We reached the goal, got married and now are living happily together.

Last few years have been great together trying to fulfill our dreams like traveling the world and buying our dream home. Traveling will never be done for us as I still want to see Africa, South America and heaps of countries that are still on our list but still we are happy the way we have traveled so much. The house is here to stay so no more thinking about it now. We are mortgage owners now and hope one day soon we will be home owners as well but we can’t do a lot about it right now.

That made us think – “What next?” Life has been kind of same with job and home lately. Every time we talk about this with anyone, the only answer seems to be a BABY. As we were talking we also realised that it does seem to be the logical answer to our question. To have little people in our life who will be a part of us.

As I have mentioned many times before I love babies and my cute nephew is 18 months now and is as cute as ever but still I have doubts about myself if I can handle a child.

my nephew

I know when I have a baby, the baby will be a part of us and naturally I will love him/ her will all my hearts. But when do you really decided if you are going to have a baby. Is it normal to have a phase in every couple’s life where having a baby seems like the natural next step in life. Is it normal to have so many questions regarding the baby before even planning it?

To all of you with a child, I would love to know what made you decide to have a baby when you had yours.

For me, it seems like a scary decision to bring another human being into this world when you are so confused about it. I know almost all my friends have a baby now and they seemed to love it. Everyone I see has this motherly gene in them and they seem so natural with kids. Will I be the same or will I struggle?

As you guys know, both our parents are very far from us in Kathmandu, Nepal. They both will do their best to be with us when we have baby but for some reason, if they are not here, will that be very hard to manage on our own? I have heard so many mums going into depression when they are left alone with the baby for long, how to avoid it?

I know for some people these questions might look silly but definitely I want answers to this question before AS and I sit down to talk about our baby plan. Any suggestions will be surely of great help.

Thanks everyone.

M from nepaliaustralian

XOXO

Our Story: Memories from the past – Part 7

This is a continuation of my previous post. Please read the previous posts here, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5 and Part 6.

After I finished chatting with AS I boarded the plane to my destination, Kathmandu.  My fight to Nepal was around 3.5 hours. During the 8 hours conversation with AS at one point I was thinking, I wish life was simple and I could get a man like AS. At that point I didn’t see any possibility of AS being my partner as I was 100% sure there was no way AS would ever go for a gal like me. I knew him in school and talking in chats and Skype, I got to know him better.

I knew he was a family orientated simple guy who was an introvert while I was an extrovert who laughs loud and talks all the time. A blind person would have easily seen the differences between us.

But that conversation had cleared my mind. I was mentally prepared to get married with someone nice and fulfil all my dreams. I decided that it was time for me to get married and settle down so that I could plan of my future. The marriage thing definitely was blocking my life from moving ahead as I didn’t know what to expect in the future so didn’t plan anything at all.

The flight to Kathmandu was smooth and I was finally in Nepal. When I landed in Nepal, it was very exciting. It was nice to meet my parents after over a year.

My mum had cooked my favourite dishes and I was delighted to eat all the yummy food. I was really looking forward to going on holiday with my parents.

It was Sunday afternoon and we were going to catch a flight for our Nepal and India tour the next afternoon as from Tuesday there was a Nepal Bandh (Nepal closed down due to political reason). It was really annoying that I didn’t get to rest well but if we didn’t fly out on Sunday we might not be able to go on holiday as we didn’t know how long the Nepal Bandh was going to last.

That afternoon I called AS and told him that I was going out of the valley for holiday and may not be in touch for a while. I gave my new mobile number and asked him to message me when his flight to Kathmandu was finalised.

That evening I was going through my old stuffs in my room when I stumble on a box from school and it had lots of old pictures and my memo book.

The old photos were so awesome, so many stories, so many memories and so much fun to look at. It felt like that it was just yesterday that I was enjoying going hiking, going to restaurants or just mocking around with my friends from school. It is true what they say that school days are the best time of your life.

Our old photos (2) Our old photos (1)

One of the things I did on the last week of school was made a memory book and asked all my friends to drop a few words for me. I knew it would be a great memory for future.

Going through that memo book was bringing back lots of memory. Most of my friends wrote few words or half a page but when I reached the page that AS wrote, I was surprised that he managed to write 3 pages. Seriously, I didn’t notice that much before but going through that I was feeling good. He always knew what to say. It felt really good to read it again.

 memo book

I had dinner and spend some time with my parents. Unpack stuffs from Australia and packed a smaller suitcase to take with me for our next holiday.

Next morning, as I was getting ready to go to the airport, AS call me on my phone.

AS: hello

Me: hello

AS: glad I caught you before you left for the airport

Me: Ya, just getting ready to go now. Waiting for mum to finish.

AS: Just want to wish you a great holiday. I know you’re gonna enjoy it

Me: I hope it will be fun as planned. Both my parents are excited to go and I am just happy that I will be with them 24 x 7 for the next 2 weeks.

AS: I think I can call you while you are still in Nepal but when you cross the border into India, I may not be able to.

Me: Let me see if I can buy a sim in India. Let you know if that is a possibility. Either way give me the good news when I return.

AS: Hope so .OK, take care and have a safe journey .What time is your flight?

Me: At 2pm

AS: OK have fun

Me: Thanks. Take care.

He hung up the phone. My parents were ready to leave so we went to the airport to board our flight to Bhadrapur airport. There we would be met by tour guide who would take us around Darjeeling and Sikkim in India and to Illam and Pashupathi Nagar in Mirik in Nepal.

It was a nightmare at the domestic airport in Nepal. It didn’t even look like an airport. It was chaos everywhere and we didn’t even know when to board the plane.  We just waited in the waiting area and hoped that we will hear the announcement for our flight.

I heard someone shout our flight number so told my parents to get ready to board. At that time, AS sent me a text,” Remember to enjoy your holiday. Have fun for me as well.”

It definitely brought a smile to my face and was thanking god for sending a good friend back into my life.

I replied “Thanks and I will have a great time 🙂

We boarded the plane and took off for a nice holiday away from everyday life. It was my first time to Darjeeling and Sikkim and I was really looking forward to all the nice things the places have to offer.

I will write more about the journey to Darjeeling and Sikkim next so do come back for more. Till then take care.

XOXO

M from nepaliaustralian

Go to Part 8

You may also like:

*Our Story: Singapore airport – Part 6 *Our Story: Back to Sydney – Part 3 *Our Story: Good friends again – Part 4

Our Story: Singapore airport – Part 6

This is a continuation of my previous post. Please read the previous posts here, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 and Part 5.

It looks like airports played a big role in our story. Anyway when I landed in Singapore, it was midnight local time and the place was not very busy. I had a hand carry bag, a laptop bag and my own bag so sleeping was not an option. I just started walking around to searching for an internet connection. I found a kiosk where they had a computer with internet connected. The only bad thing was that there was no chair so I had to stand and use the internet and on top of that it would log out after every 15 minutes, how annoying.

Anyway as I had nothing better to, I checked my email, Facebook and decided to write a reply to AS’s last email.

Gud morning
hope u have better sleep tonite
it is 12am in Singapore and I just got here. Will be here for another 8hrs
need to figure out what to  do 🙂
anyway hope ur ticket is working out. I can’t wait to see the surprise gift

u r not online. if u see this mail c if u can come online .
I will be checking it from time to time
take care
M

I was so bored but didn’t know what else to do. So with my trolley and luggage I made a makeshift chair and just surfed the net. There were not many people online for me to chat with. It was an awkward time in Nepal and Australia then.

After 15 minutes I was logged out so I logged in again and SUPRISE SUPRISE, AS was online on gmail.

Me: Hello hello

AS: hi

Me: How are u? Where r u?

AS: I just reached office, saw your mail and came online.

Me: (I was a bit disappointed that he would be too busy to chat with me) Ohoo, its ok then, maybe we chat later during your break.

AS: I can talk for a while so it’s ok. When I have to go I will let you know.

Me: The internet disconnects itself every 15 minutes so if I go offline, wait and I will come online again

AS: Sure no problem. How was your flight?

Me: It was good. Watched a few movies. I am trying to connect the wifi in my laptop it doesn’t seem to be working. Looks like I have to use this computer to chat with you.

AS: Ok. At least we can chat.

Me: That is great coz I am really bored. There is nothing to do here and I have 8 hours to kill.

As: that’s why I am here…

Me: hehehe so nice of u. thank u thank u

AS: ani airport ma garne kehi chainata? (So there is nothing do at airport?)

Me: nope :(.  That’s why I am talking to u

AS: oho… nothing more interesting to do…

Me: : everything is closed  but I am not comparing:)  come on,  I am just glad to talk with u.   no comparison

AS: la la… maska marnu pardaina (it’s ok… no need to flatter me)

Me: hehhe   hoina.  I luv talking to u 🙂 nabaye ta uti uti k garne ni (otherwise why I should I chat standing)

AS: well and I return the sentiment 100%

Me: timro ticket k hudai cha (what’s going on with your ticket)

AS: problemai cha…(there’s a problem)

Me: so bad. try ur best to spend ur new year eve in Kathmandu

AS: that is what I wanna do too..

Me: did u have breakfast???

AS: yes had b’fast. timi le flight ma dinner gareko ho? (Did u had dinner on flight?)

Me: yes, I did. ani u got only few days at working hoina

AS:ho… (yes)

Me: still bg

AS: a litttle… nothing i can’t handle..

Me: that is gud 😀

AS: but chatting with you is icing on the cake..

Me: D 😀 😀   my 32 teeth r showing

AS: u have 32 teeth?

Me: nope hahaha. Just realise I think 28 only

AS: hahaha. I so so glad even after such a gap we can talk so freely and comfortably

Me: me too why don’t u tell me things that happen with u in last yrs.  i mean things i missed that were  imp

AS: went through college… like a breeze, made some great friends.. new perspectives…

Me: gud to hear that

AS: but am bad at keeping in touch… but am trying to change that..  anyways..

Me: 😀 luving the word trying..  i am sure u r getting better. How was uni?

AS: It was great.

Me: that’s really nice

AS: the best part was..  I told you I visualised… before exams right? And it worked.

Me: I am very happy 4 u

AS: well I pretty much kept that up the rest of the time..

Me: that’s gud.  Do u do that 4 ur future too. I mean, what u want,   where u gonna live.

AS: are those questions?

Me: ya

AS: wait let me get some water…

Me: ok

AS: talking so much is difficult 😉

Me: hehehe

AS: am back

Me: waiting for answer

AS: before coming here I was still not so sure… but slowly the pictures are starting to materialize in my mind…  all of that has one or similar answers… a home … a wife… life go together… I pray that I can make that happen…  I imagine… visualize…

Me: I was making a list as you told me about visualizing.  My list goes like this

  • get a better job
  • fall in luv
  • travel the world
  • get house
  • get married
  • live happily ever after
  • more travel

Now when the list is here what can I do next to make it work

AS: good u have a list.  Now to make it work

Me: I try to be positive.. But it’s not as easy…  still I think I’ve been ok… I’ve done ok…

AS: u did. Don’t think bad of your past… be they happy or sad..

Me: I have always thought of my past as learning experience   if that was not there I won’t b who I am so no regret

AS: yes… Never a failure… always a lesson..

Me: yap def it is  I think I am lot +ve than before   I am learning hard way but trying my bet   I see glass half full

AS: now imagine it as filling up.. With everything u do… and the full glass is the wish, dream that u have…

Me: when I talk to u u make me believe more 🙂

AS: wanna know a secret…

Me: ya

AS: after meeting you here… I think I started opening up more… now I wonder why I was closed up do much..

Me: that’s nice to hear

AS: : life is funny sometimes.. now I’m building bridges… I had neglected so long…

Me: better late than never

AS: yes…

Me: really we been frds for so long and only now we got to know each other  better

AS: true

Me: my school version of u is smiling and frdly guy and I think that is it

AS: but so much has happened… to change us to shape us…

Me: but from LAX airport I got to know so much about u  and last few weeks has been blessing. life has taught us a lot

AS: and I think all of that was for the best… to get us where we are now..

Me: ya

There is so much I want to write but the post is getting long . I promise there will be lot to come in next posts. Take care till then.

P.S.: That day we talked for so long that I have 38 pages of chat. When I was reading through the chat, it still brought a smile on my face. Even though we were not in a relation at that time, it was great to know we were so good friends before we decide to be in a relationship.

Go to Part 7

You may also like:

*Our Story: Back to Sydney – Part 3 *Our Story : LA Airport – Part 2 *Our Story: Good friends again – Part 4