Who to please?

A saying as goes “You can’t please everyone” and I know that but there are times when you have to make a decision to please other people or do what you like. The way I think is if I can make a small sacrifice and make someone happy, I don’t mind but when there are big things then I really have to think about it.

There are so many times in our life when we have to choose who to please and make happy. Normally within the family, I choose to please them like AS, my parents, my brother or my in-law. They are my priority in life so if I need to make a small sacrifice, I think it is worth it. With my parents and in laws, we are so far away that I don’t want to do anything that will make them upset. Both of our parents are open-minded so I didn’t have to do a lot till date to please them but still there are times when I make small sacrifices to see a smile on their face.

When it comes to friends, pleasing them and sacrifices comes in different forms. If he/she is a good friend and the person has been there for you I am happy to sacrifice do stuffs when in need but if he/she is not a very good friend, I make my decision according to the situation. In some situations, I do what they expect me to while others I don’t.

But sometimes when I think about life we spend so much time and energy pleasing people around us. When we are small we try to please our parents and try to do everything they expect, when we grow up we do that for teachers, friends then boyfriends, then husband and in laws and finally your children.

Is it the normal way of life or I am thinking too much. As I get older and with company of AS, I am getting much better not stressing in situations which I can’t control but still there are times when I worry about others, wondering if I could help in any way.

Is it normal to make changes in your plan just to please others? Is it normal to feel guilty when you don’t do what is expected from you? At what stage should we stop thinking about others and make ME a priority?

How do you deal with situations when you have to make a decision to please others? Please share.

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14 responses to “Who to please?

  1. It’s a natural progression… the more life you live, the more experiences you have, the more you start to see things through a wider lens. I spent a lot of life in hiding, fearful someone would figure me out, with all the consequences of a public outing at a time of entrenched homophobia. Obviously that fear no longer exists in me.

  2. Hmm I wonder how many people gets that thought when thinking about me?

  3. Hi M, Nice Blog!
    This can be a very complicated situation that everyone has been in at some point in their lives; You don’t want to disappoint others but you still want to be true to yourself. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to help others, but sometimes you need to take a step back and access the situation. Ask yourself is this becoming a habit; if I was in a similar situation would others help me; Am I doing this because I want to or am I being guilted into it? Be true to your helpful nature without being a doormat.

    Rick Nelson said it best, “But it’s all right now, I’ve learned my lesson well. You see, you can’t please everyone, so you’ve got to please yourself.”
    Best, Emily

    • Hello Emily,
      Thank you for dropping by.
      As I was thinking sometimes it is hard to draw the line on when to stop. As I grow older, I am learning more but still there are times when you are so confused.
      Thank you for your wonderful insight.

  4. Thought-provoking post, M! However, it would seem that culture and family background play a large part and what seems right for a person from one country would not work for a person from another country. What do you think?

    • You are so right.I feel that in our Nepali culture, it is taught that you need to please people from very young age and that does stick to you for life. It is a good thing but it can be bad sometimes when one doesn’t to where to draw the line to stop.

  5. I think that it is challenging to please others, sometimes we lack the energy to work on our own lives. It is very important to choose who you feel will benefit from your help and try to please some people who will reciprocate. But best of all, love yourself, take care of yourself so you will be strong enough to help others, when you decide you want to. I am a giving person, you sound like one, too! Take care, Robin

  6. When I moved to India, a lot of my family (grandparents, aunts…) we’re complaining a lot, saying that they will never see me again, India is dangerous etc.

    My grandmother upset me by saying she will never see me again because she is going to die (she is perfectly healthy)!!! My immediate family however, parents and sisters, even though they were sad I was going they were happy for me because they knew I was making a choice that would make me happy.

    I reassured my grandmother that I plan to visit England often, but still, she was insisting she will die. I then told her how unhappy I was in England without my husband and how much I miss him, she then said ‘well, if you have found your true love, it is worth walking to the end of the Earth for’.

    I think if we are open about what we want to do to the people we love, even if it might not please them, if they know it is what we truly want, they will be supportive and happy for us. 🙂

    • You are so right, communication s the key. Most circumstance will be alright with communication but sometime all you have to choose . I am glad things work out so well for you and I can see that you are so happy in India. You have amazing family . I will keep this in mind for future. 🙂

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