Category Archives: Relationship

Should you tell your partner about your past?

Posted on December 16, 2011 | 12 comments

I was watching the movie called “What’s Your Number” starting Anna Faris. It‘s a movie about a woman who looks back at her past relationships in her life. It is just your standard chick-flick. At one point she wanted to lie about her past even to her close friends as she realised that she had too many relationships in comparision to her friends. 

While watching the movie it made me wonder how honest we are with our partners. 

Did you tell everything about your past to him/her?  

Did you leave something out just because it didn’t sound right? 

Do you think not telling is not the same as lying? 

While driving home yesterday, they were asking similar questions on the radio and I was surprised by the number of callers who called in to say that they have hidden many things from their partners even though they are in a long term relationship. Their excuse was that if things had happened in the past and they are not effecting the present, why should they talk about it. Some of them even went  and said that if they do tell their partners about their past, their partners may leave them. Others said sometimes it is best to keep your mouth shut. 

I was really surprised to hear that because I thought everyone talks about their past with their partner especially if they are in a long term relationship. Relationships are built on trust so not telling or hiding doesn’t seem to be an option to me. Openness is what I believe is the foundation of a good relationship along with willingness to show themselves to each other. Many people have skeletons in the closet which they rather keep under wraps but didn’t your past shape and mold you to be the person that you are today? 

For me, I believe that when you start a new relationship, you should start with honestly and it includes telling each other everything including things you are not proud of. Things you don’t know won’t harm you is not an excuse for hiding the truth. And yes not telling is the same as lying if it involves your partner. 

When I first hooked up with my husband, I did tell him everything about my past including things I was not proud of and things I know he won’t be pleased with. As he was leaving his familiar surrounding to be with me where he will be hanging out with my family and friends, I thought he needed to learn the truth about me before he can make a decision that he will not regret in the future. Once I told him everything, my heart was lighter because I knew in the future no matter what comes up from anyone, he can say “Yes I know”. That is what I wanted and I am glad he felt the same. 

He also told me everything (according to him)  🙂  . Somethings were not easy to listen to but I know in my heart it was necessary if we were planning to live the rest of our life together. 

Imagine a situation; you are happily married for 5 years. Then you meet your friend who is married as well. So four of you becomes buddies again and start hanging out. If you had left things out from your past while telling your partner about it, don’t you think there is a big possibility that it may come out at any time in the conversation and haunt the two of you? Imagine your partner’s horror if he was not informed about it. It may not happen but it can happen so why do we need to take that chance. Especially in this age of social networking where you don’t know when, how or where you will come face to face with your past? 

So I believe honesty is the best policy when it comes to your partner especially if you are going to spend the rest of your life with him. Starting with an open book will lead you to the happiness that you deserve, than not telling him the truth and praying for it to stay in the closest for the rest of your life.

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Posted in Relationship

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Dilemma

Posted on December 15, 2011 | 14 comments

I have a friend from school who used to be very close to me. We used to talk and share our dreams together. We used to have sleepover and share a close bond with each other’s families too. 

When I came to Australia we used to talk often and kept in touch. Our friendship was really strong and my parents used to invite her for all the festivals even I was not in Nepal. I was there to support her and she was there to support me even when we were miles apart. 

5 years ago she decided to come to Australia. I helped her in every possible way. She got a visa to come here and stayed with me. I was really happy to have my friend close to me again. It was going well until one day I found out that she was dating my friend, who I had introduced to her. I was a bit hurt as I would have wanted to hear that information from her but I heard it from a third-party. I didn’t say anything to her. I didn’t ask any questions but waited for her to be ready to talk to me. 

From that time on even as we lived together, we hardly saw each other and had really no conversation with each other. I tried a few times to catch up with her but she seemed too busy with her boyfriend and his family. 

Six months went by and we went from good friends to just room mates. Then she told me that she was going to marry her boyfriend. I was really happy for them as I knew both of them well. I did my best to help her with her wedding but whatever I did didn’t mend the distance between us. 

After the wedding she moved in with her new husband and we didn’t really keep in touch. I called her up a couple of times but I got the feeling that she didn’t want to talk so I stopped calling. I have no idea what happened between us but in this unknown way I lost a friend. 

We still meet during functions organised by common friends but we just say hi and that is all. Last weekend when I went to one of the gatherings, one of my girlfriends informed me that she is expecting a baby. I was so happy to hear the news but I don’t know what I can do. I thought of calling her or writing her an email but I am scared. 

What if she doesn’t response to my email?  or What if the phone conversation becomes awkward? are all the questions that are stopping me from reaching out to her.

I am not even sure she wants me to be a part of her life again. 

Just confused on what I can do next. 

Should I leave things as it is? Or Should I reach out to her?

Can anyone help? If you have been in a similar situation, what have you done? 

P.S: I am writing my version of story as her version can be very different from this. 

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Posted in Emotions, Friends

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Penpals

Posted on November 23, 2011 | 7 comments

Yesterday I was just going through my old papers and I came across a pile of letters. They were letters from my pen pals from my school days.

When I was in middle school, we had an English teacher named Sally Baker who encouraged everyone to write. So she had this idea for all of us to have pen pals from different schools around the world. She got around 100 letters from students from US and randomly gave those letters to us.

 I got Emily Roberts from Massachusetts, US. She wrote,

 Hi,

My name is Emily. I love flowers and Unicorns.

Will you be my friend?

There were a few stickers of unicorn.

I felt so special to get her letter so  I send my first letter to her and then we were pen pals. She used to send me birthday and Christmas cards and I sent her Dashain / Tihar and birthday cards. It was fun to know someone so far away. It was really nice and I would tell everyone who listened that I have a pen pal in US.

Around the same time, I also made 2 more pen pals, Ahmed Yakub from Lahore,Pakistan and Raja Gurung from Darjeeling,India.

With Ahmed Yakub, I had a short friendship as he stopped writing to me after few months but with Raja, our friendship is still on. He is my Facebook friend now. He is happily married with 2 kids.

Back then, he used to send me ‘Churpi’ from Darjeeling and it was a big treat for me. Churpi is a dried smoked cheese and they said Darjeeling’s Churpi is the best. He even came and visited me when he was holidaying in Nepal with his parents. It was so weird to see him in person. Even though I had seen hin in photos both of us felt bit awkward when we meet face to face. But I was glad we met. He is one of the nicest persons I have ever met and I am glad he is my friend now.

With Emily, I lost touch after 1998. I am not sure what happened but I didn’t get any reply for 3 of my letters so I stopped writing to her.

I can’t believe I used to use snail mail and wait weeks for the reply to come back. It was really exciting to see the postman coming to my door and deliver the letters from my pen pals. Surprisingly back then my mail was never lost even when it contained birthday gifts and big packages.

If someone asked me to write a letter these days I would never do it but back then I learnt so many things from these pen pals about their country and culture. There was no internet or 1000’s of channels on TV so my source of information was books. I used to go to libraries and read lots of books but to have pen pals had its own adventures. I received first hand information from them. I could ask questions to them and they would write about things in their countries. I used to write about our festivals and send them postcards of Nepal. Emily once sent me the American flag.

While blogging I felt, it is a modernised version of having a pen pal. We don’t know people when we start reading someone’s blog, they are just a name or initial in most of the cases but if we follow their stories, we learn a lot about them. That’s why I guess I started to blog and read blogs.

Happy blogging everyone!!!

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Hen’s Night for my friend AG

Posted on November 20, 2011 | 3 comments

Before I came to Australia, I had no knowledge of Hen’s nights but in the last few years, I have attended many of them with my girl friends. My own hen’s night was organised in a Spanish Club in Sydney. I had a great time with my girl friends, dancing the whole night.

It had been a while since I went out for a girls night out so my friend AG’s hen’s night was perfect excuse for all us to leave our partners at home and go to Vivaz for a great night out.

 Luckily it was a good, sunny day so when we met at the club, everyone was in high spirits. We had bought a package deal for the night so things were already planned for the whole night.

The theme for the night was anything red.

The night started with a live drawing of a naked male model. It was so much fun as I could see how much imagination all my friends had. Everyone was enjoying the class but I felt a bit sorry for the male model who was in a room with more that 20+ girls laughing at him. I guess he is used to that as he had this serious experience the whole time.

The next step was a lesson on how to make a cocktail. It was fun to know what goes in a drink you normally order. The bride to be got a few free shots and was having the time of her life. Even when we all tried to mix the same drink; all our drinks had a different taste. It was wise of us to leave mixing of the rest of our drinks to the professionals.

The next thing was Salsa lessons from a very hot Latino instructor ;). That was my favourite part of the whole night as I love dancing. As there were only girls, one of us had to do the guy’s steps and other one was doing the girl’s steps. The instructor was teaching all these sexy moves, we couldn’t help but laugh. It was so much fun that we didn’t realise we spent one & half hour dancing. Some of the photos we have are so funny that we were laughing our heads off.

Then it was time for our dinner. We were given table with the view of the Opera house and Harbour Bridge. What more could we have asked for? I am not sure for what reason but there were fireworks going on at the Opera house.

We were served a buffet dinner which had a few varieties of pastas, lots of green salads, baked veggies, roast chicken, beef and pork. The dessert was chocolate mouse and fruit salad. We all ate and enjoyed our sweet treat.

Finally everyone headed to the dance floor and had fun for the rest of the evening. We tried lots of steps that we learned earlier. A good night out with my gals!!!

Wishing my friend AG and her fiancé AA best wishes for their wedding. They are flying to Nepal next week and getting married on 2 December.

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Posted in Wedding

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Missing my dear friend

Posted on November 18, 2011 | 6 comments

This post is dedicated to my dear friend SD.

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

It is so true that you meet three different types of people in life. Some for a reason, some for season and some for a lifetime. Today I am missing my dear friend SD who is one of the few friends who is for a lifetime. 

Me and SD in our school uniform

I met SD during my middle school years and  since then we have been very good friends. You know sometimes you meet some people for the first time and get this impression that they are so carefree that you wish you could be like that too. That is my friend SD. She is always daring, carefree, positive and fun-loving.

She is the youngest of 7 kids of her parents but she is the only girl. She has grown up with 6 protective brothers and as they were her mentor, she is very boyish. I think that clicked between us at first as I was a tomboy myself when I was young. 

We used to do lots of things together and one of the good memories from my childhood would be our sleepover. We used to talk through the whole night, no idea about what but it was super fun.

 Life has thrown us thousands of miles apart but we always manage to stay close and keep in touch. When I came to Australia, she was in Nepal. We kept in touch with emails and phone calls.

 The first time I went back to Nepal, she left to Austria after 2 days of my reaching Nepal. It was really sad for both of us.

Me and SD @ Time Square

The next time I visited Nepal, luckily she was there. I had a great time as she took me to  places, we did  things together and she was just there for me. We did lots of talking and caught up on lost time.

After that every time I went home, she was in the US so we didn’t meet for a while. Then I went to US for my holiday in 2009 and stayed with her in NY. It was like old times again and she was my guide there. We went to Time Square at midnight and had our funny photos taken at Madame Tussaud’s. We went to the Statute of Liberty early in the morning and Central Park at midday.

NYPD

She was up for every crazy idea I had as a tourist. She was the one who took my photo with a NYPD cop. I wanted to take a picture but didn’t know how to approach the cop who was working in the middle of street. She went and talked to him and told him there is this crazy tourist from OZ who wanted to take a photo with him. I had fun shopping with her and tasting lots of American food. I met a few of her new friends as well.

Me and SD in Madame Tussaud

As everything had to come to end, my holiday was over too and I had to come back. I was sad to leave but I had no choice.

Then in 2010, when we talked after my engagement ceremony, we decided that we have to attend each other’s wedding for sure.

In early 2011, things were looking great as she had already filed for her Green Card and was sure that the processing would be completed before June so she would be in Nepal for my wedding. We were so excited but then she got a letter from immigration telling her that they lost her paperwork as there was a mix up with addresses. We still hope that things would fall into place and she would be able to fly by June 20 for my wedding on the 24th. The paperwork did not arrive in time and so she missed my wedding.

She was sad and upset that she couldn’t make it but I did understand her situation. If she had left the country for the wedding, she would not have been allowed back so she had to what she had to do.

I had her family expect her parents in my receptions. Her parents didn’t come as her dad was ill. I went to see her parents before I came back. It was always nice to see them as they always treated me as their own daughter.

Finally in August, she got her Green Card so she decided to go to Nepal for a holiday. Out of blue things happened so fast and her wedding was fixed for 2nd of December 2011.

I was so happy for her and at the same time a bit sad that I would miss out on the wedding as there was no way I would be given any more vacation time from work this year as I had taken so much time off for my own wedding.

We were still constantly in touch and I was advising her on what to do and where to go for the preparation of the wedding, from my own experience. Every time we talked she would day “Wish you were here. It would have been so much better.” and I felt very sad.

Few days ago, I saw her online in Skype and this is how the conversation went,

  “Are you free to chat?”

 “I am not SD; I am her fiancée using her account”

 “Oh, how have you been, how is the wedding preparation going? and how is SD doing?”

 “Actually I need to tell you something,”

 “Yes”

 “Yesterday SD’s dad passed away”.

When I read that I didn’t know how to react. I was really shocked that when I was thinking she is in the happiest moment of her life, she was going through the grief of loosing her dad. He had been a bit sick but his passing away was unexpected.

I called her after that and I felt a bit better that she was coping better than I thought she would be. All her family members were with her. She was very calm and was talking to me normally. She said “Everyone is coping well so don’t worry. There are lots of people around.” Then she told me something that I didn’t expect. “I always wanted you to be there for my wedding so I guess now you have to be present for my wedding as it will be in 2012. Make sure you come this time. “

I couldn’t say anything but I admire her positivity in the rough time she was going through. All I wanted to do at that point was give her a big hug. I wish I was with you there my dear. I am missing you a lot. And I promise to be with you when you get married in 2012. 

P. S: In Nepal, if someone dies in the family, the family will not celebrate any festivals or birthdays for a year and there will be no wedding or any other happy celebrations for that year.

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Posted in Friends, Relationship

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