Tag Archives: nepali wedding

Engagement ceremony

Posted on September 28, 2011 | 5 comments

After AS told me he loves me (Our unconventional love story), everything went in fast pace. We continued to Skype and phone and by the time he was going to be in Nepal, we both were sure this is what we wanted. Even it wasn’t long, it felt like we been together for life time. I think as we were friends for so long, it helps us to bridge the distance we had.

The next step for both of us was to tell our parents as we want them to stop looking for match for us. We were planning to do that around the same time so we know straight away how things are going to work out or not. Both of us are from same culture, same ethnic background and same cast so it seems done deal. But until we really make that step we were worried. We didn’t have any other plan if our parents said NO for any reason.

With the grace of God, both our family took the news very well and they wanted to meet each other officially. They were happy that we made a good couple. So the date was fixed for meeting where they were going to officially ask my hand for marriage called “Kochi” ( Newari word for fix).This is a tradition in Newari / Nepali wedding.

That was one of the scary days for us as things were happening too fast. We know it was going great but still scared if something will come into picture and ruin everything. But after our family meeting in one of the restaurant in Kathmandu, everything went well.

As both of us were leaving Nepal again, both the family though it is wise to have engagement ceremony to announce that we are engaged to be married soon. For AS and me it was great relief that things were going as we wanted.

Both families agreed that ceremony should be small and for only close family and friends. But I forgot in Nepal, small is not really small and it turned out to be ceremony for almost 150 people. Initially, we were planning to have the ceremony at my house, but with 150 people, it was not possible so a date and venue was arranged.

I was dressed in red sari with golden work. Had my hair and make up done Nepali bridal way. AS was dressed in dark blue suit and I swear he looked so handsome. My mother in law, following traditional way, has brought trays of sweets, fruits and gifts for me.

The ceremony started with welcoming everyone to this big new family. It followed by elder putting Tika (a mixture of rice, yogurt and vermillion) on our forehead. At the end , we had so much Tika on our forehead; it kept sliding to our nose.

Then in front of our families and friends, we exchanged rings and we were officially “ENGAGED”.

After that we cut cake, had photo time with everyone. It was followed by snacks and main meal. And of course there was much-loved dancing.

It was really a great days for both of us. We never expect it to be so easy and quick but we didn’t mind.

This ceremony was followed by

5 Comments

Posted in Wedding

Tagged , , , , , ,

Reliving our Big day

Posted on September 27, 2011 | Leave a comment

It is 95 days since our wedding. I know it is funny I am counting days and I hope to count them in years as time pass by. We had big wedding (Big, Loud, Crowded, Nepali wedding) and I enjoyed every minute of it. It involved lots of culture, tradition and people I never knew. So I decided I should write about my experience before it goes fuzzy in my head. We had Nepali Newari wedding. I am going to write about our engagement and will continue with all the steps of our wedding. The steps were as follows:

  •  Engagement ceremony –  The day we were officially engaged.
  • “Mehendi” ceremony – The day where all girls including Bride get henna tattoo on their hand.
  • “Supari” ceremony (from Groom to Bride) – The day when Groom’s family send lots of gifts like jewellery, Saris, cosmetics, shoes, bags, fruits, Nepali Roti , Masala and much more.
  • “Swayambar” ceremony -The day where all the marriage ritual happens and groom put Sindoor (Vermilion) on bride’s forehead and parting of her hair.
  • Bride side Reception – Reception from bride and her family for all their relatives and friends.
  • “Janti” -The day groom and his family come to bride’s home to take her to their home.
  • Groom side “Supari” – The day where Bride is officially introduced to Groom’s family and they give bride jeweller or money.
  • Groom side Reception – Reception form groom and her family for all their relatives and friends.
  • “Mukh herne” ceremony – The day when Bride’s family come and meet Bride with lots of gifts like jewellery, Saris, cosmetic, shoes, bags fruits, Nepali Roti , Masala and much more
  • “Wanjala” – The newly married couple visit the temple (Kul Deuta)
  • “Jwain Bhitraune” ceremony – Days when Groom is invited to close relative of Bride for Sagun.

Leave a comment

Posted in Our Wedding, Wedding

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Making a cup of tea…

Posted on September 26, 2011 | 1 comment

This post is not another recipe. This is a post from a woman who is recently married and learning about marriage. How simple is it to make cup of tea?Anyone can do it and it takes a minute. But this simple task of making a cup of tea has become so complex in our household.

Both me and AS enjoy our cup of tea hot which means, not microwaved and no electrical kettle of hot water. I am not a big tea drinker but when I have one, I like to boil my water, milk, tea and sugar together. I enjoy steaming hot tea. Before I got married to AS I never made tea for myself unless I have a visitor.

After our marriage, we started having proper breakfast every weekend which means, in winter, tea was a part of our breakfast. So in the beginning, we had our tea as AS liked it since I have no preference. Strong with less milk and less sugar. But after few weeks I realised that every weekend after breakfast, I had mild headache and it lasted for the whole day. It was nothing sever but I just mentioned that to my cousin (who is a doctor) when we were talking. He asked me if I was having tea or coffee and if it happened after I had one. It gave me a clear picture what was happening to me. I tested it one weekend without tea and yap he was right. I am caffeine intolerant. He told me I still can drink tea but mild ones.

I stilled wanted to continue our breakfast ritual for weekends as I loved them. But the problem is that now it takes so much longer to make a cup of tea. This is how we do it. We first boil the water on the stove with 2 teaspoon of loose tea and 2 teaspoon of sugar (one for me and one for AS). After the tea has boiled for a minute we take out half of it into a cup (this is for me) and let the remaining tea boil for a few more minutes. Once it is dark, we filter it into a cup with just a little milk. AS tea is ready now so we rinse the saucepan and add my half of the tea from the cup, add lots of milk and a teaspoon of sugar and boil it. So we have two every different cup of tea ready for two people with different taste.

I know it sounds all complicated and we could have done it in two saucepans and make it simple but this works for us. I am learning a lot about marriage from this simple step in our life. Marriage is all about compromise and I am happy, we both are willing to leave aside our individual differences and strike a common balance between us. It makes me so happy that even though we are worlds apart in personality, we can make things work between us no matter what obstacles life will bring us.

You may also like :

*From independent, confident strong women to dependent, needy wife *Ta, Timi, Tapai and Hajoor *With love, to my dear husband

1 Comment

Posted in Marriage, Relationship

Tagged , , , , ,

What’s in the name (Surname)?

Posted on September 22, 2011 | 9 comments

It has been exactly 90 days we have been married. 🙂

The day I announce my wedding at work, one of my colleague asked me “So you will change your surname, what’s it gonna be?” The question caught me off guard as I haven’t thought about it at all. Taking your husband’s name is the traditional option (especially in Nepal) but we never discuss it. I am sure both our family expect me to take it but I was in no rush. I have seen my friends change their surname in Facebook the day they got married (I am not sure if they have done legally too) or have used both surnames but I have always thought it can wait few years. Many women will say that their husbands/in-laws  wanted them to change their surname. So they did.

I am not against changing surname if you want to as I also want to do it before we have kids. I am planning to be MJS, mine surname followed by his.  My friend AS is the reason, I will defiantly do it before we have baby as I don’t want to go through the same path as hers.

AS decided not to change her surname when she married CJ (Nepali guy). When they have a baby girl, her mother in law came to visit her in hospital. While she was holding her new grand-daughter, she was shocked to see the tag called her, Baby S instead of Baby J. She made sure AS knows, she didn’t approve of that. But in the birth certificate, hospital wrote baby S as per mother’s surname as well. Because it was in birth certificate, they thought it will be easy to use the same surname in other official documents as well .Now the baby and mum have same surname and dad has different. It created lots of confusion in all the legal documents and I don’t want to go through that.

Back to my situation, I am planning to keep my surname until I can as I want to avoid the hassle of alerting everyone and going through all the paper work right now. Its not  easy to change the name on everything from your driver’s licence to your library card. I know I have to do it one day but mentally I am not ready right now. The most annoying change will be for my passport. I love my passport as it has so many stamps and visas I collected travelling over the years. It is like a story to me and has high sentimental value. Once I change my passport, I will lose all my memory.

All this question is coming right now because my in-laws made official document in Nepal(Relationship certificate) and they send us a copy in case we need it. In that document, they have my name as MS not MJ. My in-laws have never asked me to change it but I think they didn’t as by default in their mind, I am MS not MJ but I want to be MJS in future not MS. 

When I talk to AS about it, he thinks it is normal of his parents to think I am MS now as that in what happens in Nepal. I haven’t changed my Facebook name either (I know it is easy but …) I want to do it in my own pace and I hate it if anyone forces me to do it. He knows what I am planning and he is ok with that but of course he can’t control what his parents think.

Just want to put it out there” Am I allowed to wait until I am ready to change the surname or it is expected to change straight after marriage, especially in Nepali culture?”

9 Comments

Posted in Nepal, Nepali Culture, Relationship

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Big, Loud, Crowded, Nepali wedding

Posted on September 16, 2011 | 4 comments

Around three years ago, I decided to get married. From that day, I have dreamt of having a very big traditional Nepali wedding. I know every girl dreams to fall in love with their prince charming and have the biggest celebration possible, and I was no different.

There is a special reason why I mentioned 3 years. It is because before that I always thought marriage, especially Nepali traditional marriage, are made only so that men can transfer the job of cooking, cleaning and looking after them from their mothers to their wives.

I am not a feminist but I hate to be one of those wives so I decided that not getting married was the easiest way out. I even told my decision to my parents and they constantly tried to changed my mind. They always gave me all the reasons why marriage is good for me.

Growing up I was a tomboy with lots of male friends. I always found it is easy to make friends with boys than be with a bunch of girls. I do have some really good female friends but I was never a part of the girl group. Hanging out with boys was more fun and I was learning how to ride motorbike and how to play pool.

But things changed slowly when I came to Australia. I started liking dresses to pants and let my hair grow. I still remember my dad’s reaction when he saw me for the first time when I went back to Nepal for the first time after four years. I think seeing me with big earrings and in a dress made him realise that I was no longer a tomboy who had left Nepal four years ago. His exact words were “My daughter has grown up”.

Around 2006, I started getting invitations from my friends for their wedding. I used to ask them how they knew “he/she” was the one. They told me , they were happy with this person  they have married. Even though marriage is not a piece of cake but it isn’t bad either. The weddings I went to were between Nepali – Indonesian, Nepali – Fiji Indian, Nepali – Pilipino, Nepali – Aussie, Nepali – Italian, or Nepali – Nepali. No matter who they were marrying ,one thing was common , they were all in love and extremely happy to be married.

Most of my close friends got married which meant that I was now hanging out with couples. Then I saw what was missing in my life. I saw the care and love they had for each other. They still had arguments, they still disagreed with each other on some things but at the end of the day, they cared for each other and they loved each other.

I wanted the love and care that you can only get from your partner. I liked the thought that “You are no longer alone and there is always someone looking after you.” When I was sure of what I wanted, I called my parents and let them know my decision. I think that was one of the best days of their life as they had been worried sick that I would end up as an old and miserable spinster.

Fast forward two years and I was in the middle of the chaos of my own wedding celebration. Almost a year of preparation from both the families, a few changes to the wedding dates, a twenty man band, almost 2000 guests, 10 day long celebrations and finally me and AS were getting married. It was loud, it was crowed, it was chaotic but I didn’t mind that. I was actually enjoying it. With the blessing of both the families and all our relatives and friends, we got married. One thing I learnt from this experience is that “marriage is not just about two people but it is about two families” – At least, it is in Nepal.

4 Comments

Posted in Nepal, Our Wedding, Wedding

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,