Category Archives: Relationship

From independent, confident strong women to dependent, needy wife

Posted on February 26, 2013 | 31 comments

I am not sure when I crossed the bridge but I recently realised that I have turned from a strong, confident, independent woman into a very dependent, needy wife.

Before I got married, I used to do everything on my own. Most importantly I made my own decisions and went everywhere on my own. I travelled to the US on my own and I was just glad that I had so many friends there. I always went shopping on my own and made decisions on my own. I never felt the need for anyone to be there constantly for me and definitely not to make any decisions for me.

But these days, for even small decisions I need to ask AS for his opinion. Is it really normal or do I really need to pick up my act?

I call AS and ask things like,

“Do you want me to buy a red towel or a maroon one?”

“I really like this dress but should I buy it?”

“I am in the supermarket and I saw this new laundry powder, shall I buy it or buy our regular powder?”

“Do you want to eat lamb or chicken for dinner tonight?”

Some days I even ask him what should I eat for lunch as I can’t make a decision and I am already in front of food court or outside some restaurant.

Seriously, is this normal once you are married or I am becoming overly dependent on him?

It is not only me who has noticed this changed. When AS left from Kathmandu 2 weeks before me, I was on my own. In those 14 days I mentioned that I missed him to everyone. Really, I was telling my cousins and friends so often that they told me the same thing, I have become very dependent. I have really begun to rely on him in so many things that I can’t live even a week away from him.

For the last few years I have told myself that all these changes are because of love. I love him so much that I can’t imagine my life without him. And I thought it was normal to change and feel the way I do but today I feel like asking all of you.

Is this love or dependency?

Do you think I am on the right path?

Do I need to change and start becoming independent again?

Anyone there feels the same as way I do?

P.S: AS consults with me for all his decisions as well.

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Posted in Marriage, Personal, Relationship

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Valentine’s day 2013

Posted on February 15, 2013 | 12 comments

Like every year, Valentine’s Day, the day for love, has arrived this year as well. I am sure you know I am crazy about love from my previous posts here and here.

If you don’t know, I am telling you that I am a hopelessly romantic person and my husband knows that. It is not that I want him to spend lots of money and spoil me rotten on this day but at the same time I don’t want not to celebrate this day like many of my friends who think it is too commercialised to care about. I know Hallmark and florists are making lots of money on this day by selling emotions but I really don’t need roses, romantic cards or heart shaped chocolate to feel spoilt.  Simple gestures like breakfast or home-made dinner will make me super happy for sure. I will even be happy with just a big hug and cuddle.

I am really happy to have a hubby who is so caring and loving in my life. He always makes me feel very special and I am so incredibly blessed to have him as my partner and my best friend. He has endured so much, including leaving everything that he has known his entire life behind and moving to Australia just for me and that means more to me than I can express in words. I treasure the good as well as the difficult moments we have shared together.

This year, as I was still very unsettled from my recent holiday and with a mid-week Valentine’s Day we didn’t really plan what we were going to do. We just thought it will be nice to have a dinner out and that was it.

So like every other day, on 14 Feb 2013, my alarm woke me up at 6:00 am. Lazily I work up and went to the bathroom. I was half asleep when I came back to the room and I saw there was something on my bedside table. When I went closer, I realised that it was a bunch of red roses! I turned around and he was lying there with a big smile, the smile that I fell in love with.

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I kind of knew I would be getting some red roses that day. Normally he comes home with it in the evening. I have always told him not to spend too much on Valentine’s Day roses. I know that it is a big waste of money as they are super expensive that day.

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Anyway, back to Valentine’s Day morning, I was so happy seeing the flowers that I was lost for words. All I could do was hug him tight. I don’t know how he smuggled flowers to our place the day before but he did a damn good job. Even though I didn’t expect this it was such a great feeling to be loved. To top it off, he told me that we were going for a massage after dinner and that was all that I had wished for.

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I really wished it had been a day off but I needed to get out of bed to go to work. As we were going straight from work to dinner, I wore a red dress with matching red shoes.

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Work hours felt long but finally it was time for me to meet my baby again. We met and went for dinner. We chose a low key place over big fancy ones as most of these places would be too crowded. The Thai restaurant we went to was not very busy so we were served quickly. We had Satay Chicken for entrée followed by some curries and special fried rice for main. We skipped desert as we were going for a massage and didn’t want to be too full.

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Also I had bought some really cute cupcakes for my hubby (he didn’t know I had them in the car).

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The massage place was a few blocks walk away from the restaurant so we strolled hand in hand until we reached the place. We had been there before and AS knew I had loved it. I just love the vibe of this place because even as you walk in, you can feel very relaxed because of the ambiance and of the sweet aromas. We waited for a few minutes and it was our time to relax under competent hands.

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We always go for Aromatherapy Thai massage and we went for the same this time as well. As the lady massaged each part of my body; my stress reduced and my body was relaxing. I just loved the feeling you have when you get a good massage. An hour passed so quickly and we were done. But my body was thankful for every minute of the awesome massage.

We drove home and when we got to our apartment, I gave AS his Valentine’s gift; lots of mini cupcakes which were beautifully decorated with a cupid, hearts, and romantic words. He was really pleased with his cakes and enjoyed his desert. I am really happy that he loved it as it tasted so fresh and soft.

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And this is how I spent my Valentine’s day this year. Do share how yours was?

P.S I think I am more romantic than I care to admit as I just realised today that I have a special category called Valentine’s day in my blog. Seriously, who does that!

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Posted in Relationship, Valentine's Day

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My nephew’s Pasni Party

Posted on February 8, 2013 | 8 comments

After the Pasni Puja in the morning everyone was tired including the little one but there was no time to rest as we had a reception organised for 300+ people that evening to celebrate the Pasni ceremony. Pasni ceremonies have become very lavish these days, with large parties of not just close relatives, but also colleagues and friends being invited for the event. As my nephew was the first grand kid for my parents and for my SIL’s parents, they wanted to make sure everyone necessary was invited.

After lunch my MIL, FIL and AS left for home to get some rest and also to get ready for the evening. So as soon as I finished eating, I rushed to my parents’ house to prepare for the evening. There was not much to do as these days you just need to order catering in the party venue and they look after everything for you.

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So I just made sure that mum was ok with what to wear for the evening and she didn’t need any help. My SIL had 2 of her cousins helping her to get ready. We had already decided that my nephew was going to change into a red velvet pasni dress with blue and gold embroidery that I had bought for him.

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So it was my turn to be ready and be there before guest arrived. I first went and did my hair and make-up. I was so excited to wear the special sari I had designed and ordered. It took me more than 2 hours to finally be party ready. When I was done AS picked me up to go to the party venue.

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When we arrived at the venue, most of our close relatives were there already and a photo session was going on with my nephew.

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He was looking really cute and adorable in the red velvet special pasni dress.We made sure we got heaps of family photos as well as photo of the little man.

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Proud Grandparents

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Slowly guests started to come one by one. There were lots of relatives from my mum and dad’s sides so I spent lots of time mingling and making sure that everyone was looked after properly.

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Also AS’s side of the family including his aunts, uncles and cousins were invited. Once they arrived at the party I was even busier as I had to talk to everyone and make sure they were eating and drinking properly.

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By this time, the dance floor was slowly getting busy with my uncles, aunts and cousins dancing. I wanted to join them as well but it was a bit hard for me initially as I didn’t know what my in-laws would think. For me party has always been more about dancing and fun more than food but being a new DIL and having all AS’s close relatives at the party, I didn’t want to  go and jump on the dance floor.

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But then one of AS’s aunt showed her desire to join the dance floor and asked me if we shouldn’t enjoy ourselves too. That was the only excuse I needed so I asked all AS’s relative to join us on the dance floor. And yes, that included my MIL as well. I am so glad my MIL took it well and did show her few moves . It was really fun and nice of everyone to just go with the flow attitude. Also AS and his cousins joined and we had a great time. I had to go away from dance floor from time to time to meet relatives who had recently arrived but I was really enjoying everything. I also had few of my good friend joining us for the celebration.

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The evening went quickly and slowly guest started to leave in ones and twos. By the end of the evening only close relatives were left so we all had our meal as well. We made sure everything was OK and then left for home.

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Proud Grand ma

It was really great to be a part of the celebration and it was nice to meet everyone during the celebration.  One of the nicest memories I had from Nepal this trip.

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Happy Fufu

And my nephew was an angel whole day. He didn’t cry and was smiling at everyone. He was held by more than 200+ hands that evening but he was just smiling and playing with everyone that everyone was so impressed to see such a playful happy baby.

He is growing up so fast and every time I see him, there are some nice changes with him. These days he has learnt how to move his fingers in the “come here” sign so it is so cute to watch him do that. Sometimes he is so amazed that he can do that, he keeps on looking at his own hands. Also he is falling in love with himself. Every time he is in front of the mirror, all he does is smile,

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Posted in Family, Nepal 2012 / 2013, Nepali Culture, Newari Culture

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Celebrating AS birthday in Nepal

Posted on January 21, 2013 | 8 comments

I always wanted to celebrate AS’s birthday in a special way but last few years we were never in Sydney to have a lavish birthday party for him. AS’s birthday falls at the end of December and we always have a holiday around that time and so we are away from Sydney. I always feel guilty that I celebrate my birthday with a bunch of friends invited while his last two birthdays were celebrated by just the two of us if we don’t count the random strangers in the restaurant.

But this year he had a very special birthday and I am really happy about it. First of all we were in Nepal during his birthday which made it extra special.

On 28 December, me and AS went to a restaurant called Transit and celebrated his birthday. It was a special dinner for both of us and we indulge in snacks and pizzas. They had a live band playing some nice classic English songs so we had a great time.

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As the owner of the restaurant was someone I knew, I arranged a surprised cake for him and he was really happy. It was just a piece of his favourite double chocolate cake.  Also he got complimentary drinks on the house. And that was just a start of his birthday celebrations.

Celebrating AS's Birthday

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As I have mentioned many times before, Nepali calendar is different than English calendar. In Nepal, birthdays are not celebrated by date but by teethi (according to position of moon and planets). So he had his teethi birthday again after a week of his birthday as per the English calendar. That day, we celebrated his birthday in the traditional manner.

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His mum prepared puja and sagun for the birthday. In the morning, he sat down and his mum performed the janmadin (birthday) puja. First gods including Lord Ganesh were worshipped. Then, tika was put on AS’s forehead as blessing. It was followed by sagun (egg, bara, chicken, fish) and gifts from his family. It had been more than a decade since AS got to celebrate his birthday according to Nepali tradition so it was a happy moment for all of us.

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That evening, we had ordered a cake. So with his brothers and parents we cut the cake. It was his favourite rich chocolate and we all loved it too 🙂

Then, we went to a restaurant, 8 degrees with his family to enjoy the rest of the evening. The place was not too busy so we enjoyed our time there. The food was flavoursome. It was a great day for AS as he was spoiled with gifts and wishes the whole day.

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Then the next day, we went out again to celebrate his birthday and this time with my family. We took my parents, my brother, SIL and little nephew for lunch to celebrate in a Newari restaurant called Falcha. The food was hot and spicy there but all of us were happy to enjoy each other’s company. My nephew enjoyed his outing as well. We had a good time and my parents and my brother also had a gift for him.

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Overall I am super happy since AS got to have a great birthday in Nepal. I also spoiled him with many gifts and I feel good that he enjoyed his time here in Nepal with our families.

I wish him all the best for rest of his life. Love you dear.

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Posted in Family, Nepal, Nepal 2012 / 2013

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Update from Nepal Part 3

Posted on January 20, 2013 | 10 comments

Skinny and photogenic

90% of the people I meet in Nepal told me that I am too skinny and I need to put on some weight. I am not underweight so I am happy with it and as you all know I try very hard with exercise and healthy food to maintain my figure but most people in Nepal have their own ideas about my weight.

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In the beginning I used to get annoyed about it but now I am so used to it that I ignored all these comments with a smile :). Also if you look around Kathmandu, most gals are either similar weight like mine or even skinnier than me so I have no idea why they think I need to put on weight. I have a feeling being married is one of the factor.

Anyway I am learning to just ignore and concentrate in good eating habit no matter what people say. Also AS is on my side telling me I am OK and we just need to concentrate on being healthy. I am very happy to have such a wonderful hubby who understands me so well. But I think he has an ulterior motive as well. He doesn’t want me gaining weight and buying more clothes as I won’t fit into my current ones then 🙂

Most of the people especially from AS’s side has seen me only during the wedding. That time I was a bride so I was fully made up in the traditional attire. After the wedding, lot of his relatives added me on their Facebook. So that is the only way they have seen me in causal dresses.

Anyway, I have heard from lot of his relatives that I am photogenic. I am not sure I should take that as a compliment or not. I am just wondering because, normally I think photogenic means I look good on photo but at the back of mind I was wondering, does that mean I don’t look good in person.

Anyway I got that comment from many people so just sharing what’s on my mind here 🙂

Maghe Sankranti

According to Nepali calendar, it was Maghe Sankranti (1st of Magh) a few days ago.  Please click here to read more about this festival.

As I am married now, I was invited to AS’s grandparents house to celebrate the festival with my in-laws. AS missed the occasion but I was glad I was there as I got to meet all his relatives again.

As I mentioned in my post, this day we eat laddoos (sesame seeds candy ball), chaku (molasses), ghee (clarified butter), sweet potatoes, yam, khichari (mixture of rice and lentils), ginger and salt  and green leaf spinach. So a big feast was ready in the house when we got there.DSC04802DSC04800DSC04799

First his grandma put mustard oil on our head and blessed us then we all enjoyed the food. It was fun catching up with my new family.

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After a few days of Magh 1, AS’s Mama (Mum’s brother) also invited us for Maghe Sankranti. In Newari culture normally, daughter’s family invites SIL, daughter and their kids after the festival as nakhatya (festival invitation in newari) to celebrate the festival.

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I got to meet more family members in this function as well. As you must have guessed,there was a feast prepared which included laddoos, chaku (molasses), ghee (clarified butter), sweet potatoes, yam, khichari, green leaf spinach and many more  dishes. .

Ma fussy chu ( I am fussy)

Sometime words have two different meaning in different languages and I got caught into that recently.

The other day I was in a departmental store trying on few make-up items. The sales gal was doing her job well convincing me to buy something so in reply I said, “ Ma fussy chu ( I am fussy), so let me think about it.” But she understood completely different thing.

Fussy (pronounced Fashi ) means con in a gentle way in Nepali language. So she thought I was telling her that she tried to con me into buying something else. For a minute I didn’t understand her reply as it was out of context when she said, “Don’t worry I am telling you the truth” but after a while I understood that she thought I thought she was conning me into buying something different.

Now I think before I say something as it might have a different meaning here.

Pasni Party

While AS was here we were invited to a Pasni of one of our friends’ kid along with my parents. They live in Sydney near us but they came here to host the function like my brother. It was nice to go to this function and enjoy Nepali way of socialising. I met a few friends and relatives in this function because in Nepal, somehow everyone seems to be related. 🙂

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Wedding party experience

I am writing this as my own experience and have no intention to disrespect any caste.

As I have told you in my post here, Nepal is a country of four castes and thirty six sub castes which means all of these castes have their own tradition and rituals.

I am from Newar caste and in our culture wedding parties goes till late at night. It is common to see Newari party starting around 6 pm and finish at 12 midnight but other castes like chhetri or bhaunu may have wedding parties that start in the afternoon and finish a bit early like 6-7pm.

One of my friends (a chherti by caste)  had invited me for his sister’s wedding. He asked me if I needed a physical invitation card but I said it’s OK as I didn’t want to bother him. So I went to the party hall where he had told me in that day with one of my cousins.

When we reach the hall, the hall was almost empty so I thought either I mix up the day or the venue. But as I entered, I saw my friend. It was 7 pm at most but there were only a few people left there. Even the bride and groom had left as they had to travel few hours to reach their home.

He informed us that the party was almost over. I was a bit embarrassed because I didn’t know what to say. I had tried to contact him earlier to find out the details but he was unavailable as he was flying in from the US the same day. Even my mum had reminded me to check the time but I just assumed that it would be same as ours but I was so mistaken.

I was happy to meet my friends after a while but it was a bit embarrassing situation and for the first time in my life I reached a party when it was almost over.

Latest update

I am having a great time with my parents. I am spending lots of time with them talking and having a great time. We have been to many temples around Kathmandu which I will post details of later. I am really glad that I extended my 2 weeks holiday to spend with them as they are very happy to have me here and I am very happy to be here.

I still miss AS a lot but I will be seeing him soon. We talk on the phone or Skype everyday so I am happy to be in Kathmandu in my birth home.

Take care everyone till my next post.

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Posted in Family, Kathmandu, Nepal, Nepal 2012 / 2013, Nepali Culture, Nepali Festivals, Nepali food, Newari Culture, Newari Food

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