If you have been following my blog for a while, you know that I love my beautiful daughter, Chhori so much. She is one person in this world for whom I can do anything. She has replaced her dad (sorry babe) as the most important person in my life.
But despite the love and care I have for her, she does manage to irritate me from time to time. I know it may sound like I am a bad mumma as she is only one year old. Most of the time it is my fault that I get upset or angry as she is just a baby but she still can make me mad.
I think most of these situation occurs when I don’t know what she wants. After trying every possible solution and if she is still crying, then I don’t know what to do. AS knows about these situations so he sent me this article from news.com.au. It really made me understand the situation a little better so I am sharing some highlight from the article hoping it might help someone else too.
Even as adults, we can be prone to tantrums, tears and wanting to give the world (or particular people in it) an almighty spray sometimes. For the most part, we can hang to the dramatics and anything that might land us in trouble, but even with all of our experience, our fully developed brains, and our capacity to see around corners, it’s hard some days. Imagine what it’s like for our kids.
Understanding what our kids are wrestling with and the developmental goals they are working towards will make their more ‘frustrating’ behaviours easier to deal with. Things will run smoother if we can give them the space and support they need to do whatever it is they need to. Of course, none of this means the total surrendering of boundaries around what’s OK and what isn’t in terms of behaviour. What it means is responding with greater wisdom, clarity and with more appropriate consequences. Life just gets easier for everyone when we are able to take things less personally.
Here are some important developmental stages and the difficult behaviour that might come with them. You’ll often find that their behaviour, though unruly and baffling at times, is completely normal and a sign that your child is flourishing and making his or her way through childhood or adolescence exactly as they are meant to.
INFANTS AND BABIES (0-12 MONTHS)
- Everything will go in the mouth — hands, feet, food, toys, shoes — you name it.
- If they are crying, there is something they need — a sleep, a cuddle, food, changing. They don’t yet have the words to communicate, but crying is a spectacularly effective way for baby humans to get big humans to move mountains for them. One of the beautiful things about babies is that they will never ask for more than they need.
- Wary of strangers and might get upset when familiar people aren’t close by.
- Babies will stare. They love faces and will stare at faces in real life, in books and in mirrors. Oh to be at an age where staring at other people is socially acceptable — and cute.
The support they need
Babies have an important job to do — they need to learn whether or not they can trust the world and the people in it. For their part, they will work hard to give you the opportunities to show them how safe and secure they are. They might not have much of a vocabulary but they are masterful little communicators when it comes to letting you know when something isn’t quite right. Be consistently attentive to their needs so they can feel the world as a safe and secure one for them. Feed them when they are hungry, comfort them when they are scared, cuddle them when they need to be with you. This will form the foundation for their exploration of the world, their independence, their confidence and self-esteem and their relationships.
ONE-TWO YEARS OLD
- Will become more interactive.
- No understanding of intentionality — they see, they do without thinking about why or what it means. For example, when they bite, it is not to hurt, when they grab toys from other kids it’s not to cause upset, it’s to … well, everyone knows that things are for grabbing, right. Or eating.
- Will follow their curiosity and will pull things down or apart to see what happens. Ditto with throwing anything onto the floor.
- Not developmentally able to share.
- Might seem bossy and selfish, but keep in mind that anything they are interested in or considers to be theirs will be seen as an extension of themselves. Of course nobody else is entitled to take it!
- Beginning to understand possession, and developing a strong sense of self.
- Two of their favourite words to say, ‘Mine!’ and ‘No!’
- Two of their least favourite words to hear, ‘Mine!’ and ‘No!’
- Will often wake during the night.
- Towards the end of this stage, they may become more defiant as they start to experiment with their independence. May tantrum because they become frustrated by their lack of words and their lack of ability to communicate.
- Tantrums will also be driven by their experience of big emotions (frustration, anger, sadness, shame) that they don’t have the words for.
- Will be more likely to play alongside other kids, rather than with them.
The support they need
- Their attention span is still fairly short, so use distraction to direct them away from what you don’t want them to be doing.
- When you give them a new rule or direction, it’s likely that the old one will be forgotten. Sometimes you will love their short attention span. Sometimes you won’t.
- Be positive when you see them doing the right thing.
- Start letting them know the things that aren’t OK.
- Ignore the small stuff. There’s so much to learn so it’s best not to overload them. Let them get used to the important things first.
- Your child will be starting to understand what you are asking but for the sake of your own sweet sanity, let go of the expectation that they will do as you ask. Keep asking and guiding, but don’t take it personally if it doesn’t happen straight up. Or at all.
- Be kind and gentle when correcting. They are doing their very best with what they have. If you ask for too much you might end up with a more anxious or more defiant or less confident three-year-old.
- Help them put words to what they are feeling, ‘It’s upsetting when you have to pack your toys away and you want to keep playing isn’t it.’
Give your child the freedom and space to play and encourage their experimentation with physical and imaginative play.
If you want to read the whole article, here is the link.
Take care everyone,
M from nepaliaustralian
XOXO
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