It was very hot the other day so AS was making drinks for us. He was in the kitchen while I was watching TV.
AS: ”Where’s the umbrella honey?”
Me: (Fully concentrating on what I was watching) “Babe, one is in the car and other is in the store room.”
AS started laughing and so did I after I realised he was talking about the decorative umbrella for our drinks while I was talking about the real one 🙂
I have great news; I am going to Kathmandu again. And yes there is a reason we are going, yet another celebration. My brother in law is getting married. I will be there in a months’ time and it will be a great time to see my parents and in law again. It has been a year since we are back from our last trip but I can’t wait to go again.
Our holiday has been approved at work and we have booked our tickets so it is all set, counting down the days now.
I have even started my shopping for gifts. Amazingly, we say, we will never do a big shopping for gifts each time we return from Nepal. But each time before we go there, we make a list of gifts. This time too the list is long with names of people we want to buy for but I am happy to buy as their smile is worth the trouble we go through. Looks like for the next few weekends that is all we will be going.
In addition, I will be buying things for my future SIL. I already bought things like perfumes, make-up and other items but still there are a few other things still on the list.
I have never met my soon to be SIL but we have chatted a few time on Facebook. She seems to be nice girl and I am sure she will make my BIL very happy.
Wedding always excites me and this time it is at home so it will a be really fun filled event with lots of foods, music, dances, ritual and people. I will definitely report on everything.
As usual every time I plan to go to Nepal I have a long list of things to do and buy and I have never manged to cross off everything. I am hoping this time I will be able to do a lot.
I really want to buy some specific decoration items for our home here so every day I can see them and admire them. I am looking for one big painting (I am not very sure but still want to try before forking out money here) and some traditional masks.
I am also thinking I should look for some traditional cushions .
As usual, I need to buy lehengas and saris for the wedding and accessories to go with them. I am sure until the wedding is over, we will be extremely busy but I have a few weeks after the wedding when I can to do things that I like.
The top one is trekking somewhere in Nepal. I am not even sure that it will be possible, as trekking requires at least a week but I will try my best. My list has grown longer day by day so hope to tick off most of it while I am there.
Anyway looking forward to enjoying the company of my family and friends and be spoiled soon. Hope I might even meet a few of my blogging buddies there like last time.
Take care everyone ,
M from nepaliaustralian
XOXO
Posted in Marriage, Nepali Culture, Nepali food, Newari Culture, Newari Food, Travel, Wedding
Tagged going home, marriage, Nepal, Nepal Basa, Nepali, nepali australian, nepaliasutralian, new SIL, Wedding
If you are worried after reading the title, please do not worry, I am still happily married. But recently I have had friends and colleagues who are either divorced, separated or their marriage is on the rocks. This made me think about marriage in general and of course I and AS.
Most of my friends and colleagues I am talking about have been married for a long time. One of them for 10 years, another 14 and others many more too. Most of them were high school sweet hearts and in love for a long time before they decided to get married and have beautiful kids but after such a long union, they decided to part way and inmost cases, the reason was infidelity. I was actually shocked in many cases, as I knew both people in the marriage.
I have heard about the 7 year itch and read a lot about what happens to sex life when one has kids. Still looking around and finding so many people with their marriage in tatters really made me think about marriage in general seriously.
AS is my best friend first before my husband so I share what I was thinking with him all the time. So while in this topic, I asked him “Do you think we might have a problem like this in our marriage as well?” I am not sure what kind of answer I was hoping to get but I was shocked when he answered “Of course, we will. I am not going to say we will have a perfect marriage.” As much as I appreciate his honestly, it also made me worried about the whole institution of marriage.
I come from Nepal, a country where they teach that marriage is for life but even there things are changing slowly. The divorce rate is still not as high there as in the western world. So when I married AS, I married him for life, for better or for worse. But seeing so many couple heading down the divorce path, I really want to work harder on my marriage to make sure we don’t ever head towards that path.
As everything else in life, I know we tend to take our partners for granted after being with them for few years which means we may not make a special time for him and once kids are in the equation, most mums are really too busy to plan something as a couple. But I still can’t justify someone cheating on their partner because they are bored.
When Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston got divorced many years ago, I was always Team Jen. I used to like Brad Pitt as an actor but I couldn’t stand the fact that he cheated on his wife. I know everyone has their weak moments and relationships go sour but one can always exit the relationship gracefully before entering to another one so why cheat?
Most people who cheat seem to think they will never be found out but living in this modern world where very cell phone has a camera and everyone has Facebook, how can they be dumb enough to go around their partners back to have fun.
While talking to AS, he was making me understand how men think and I know that they don’t have their brain in their head but I still can’t forgive a person who cheats no matter if that’s a man or a women.
But that takes me to my next question. What will do if you find out your partner is cheating?
There are 3 solutions
To be honest, I don’t think I will be able to do first two options. I definitely can’t pretend nothing had happened when I know that my husband is sleeping with someone else. I probably could forgive but for the rest of our life I will wonder where he has gone or whom he had been with and that won’t be the kind of relationship I will like to continue where there is no trust. So the only option that I can manage will be getting divorce.
Therefore, I do understand why all my friends decided to choose that path when they found out that their partner was cheating.
But before we can get to that fork on the road where there are only those three solutions there must be things we can do to make sure we are never in that situation.
Of course, relations and marriage are between two people but each individual makes it work so I am seriously thinking about ways to keep our marriage as happy and healthy as it is now. Here are a few things I think will help for a long lasting relationship.
Please share your tips here so we all can help each other. All I wish is to have AS in my life until I take my last breath and can’t imagine my life without him. Wish everyone a happy relationship.
Take care everyone and have a great weekend,
M from nepaliaustralian
XOXO
Posted in Marriage, Relationship
Tagged Brad Pitt, cheating, divorce, family, husband, infidelity, marriage, relationship, sex, sex after marriage, Wedding, wife
I and hubby were talking about life in general. I am glad that we were both in similar space in our life right now. We said we both are happy with our life and where we are in life right now. We both are doing what we planned with our life.
10 years ago both of us had one goal, which was to finish our study and get a job. Then we had aim and we both worked toward that and it was a great when we finally reached there. Then it was a phase where we looked for a partner and with god’s blessing found each other. At that phase as well we had an aim and goal and we were working towards it. We reached the goal, got married and now are living happily together.
Last few years have been great together trying to fulfill our dreams like traveling the world and buying our dream home. Traveling will never be done for us as I still want to see Africa, South America and heaps of countries that are still on our list but still we are happy the way we have traveled so much. The house is here to stay so no more thinking about it now. We are mortgage owners now and hope one day soon we will be home owners as well but we can’t do a lot about it right now.
That made us think – “What next?” Life has been kind of same with job and home lately. Every time we talk about this with anyone, the only answer seems to be a BABY. As we were talking we also realised that it does seem to be the logical answer to our question. To have little people in our life who will be a part of us.
As I have mentioned many times before I love babies and my cute nephew is 18 months now and is as cute as ever but still I have doubts about myself if I can handle a child.
I know when I have a baby, the baby will be a part of us and naturally I will love him/ her will all my hearts. But when do you really decided if you are going to have a baby. Is it normal to have a phase in every couple’s life where having a baby seems like the natural next step in life. Is it normal to have so many questions regarding the baby before even planning it?
To all of you with a child, I would love to know what made you decide to have a baby when you had yours.
For me, it seems like a scary decision to bring another human being into this world when you are so confused about it. I know almost all my friends have a baby now and they seemed to love it. Everyone I see has this motherly gene in them and they seem so natural with kids. Will I be the same or will I struggle?
As you guys know, both our parents are very far from us in Kathmandu, Nepal. They both will do their best to be with us when we have baby but for some reason, if they are not here, will that be very hard to manage on our own? I have heard so many mums going into depression when they are left alone with the baby for long, how to avoid it?
I know for some people these questions might look silly but definitely I want answers to this question before AS and I sit down to talk about our baby plan. Any suggestions will be surely of great help.
Thanks everyone.
M from nepaliaustralian
XOXO
Posted in Personal, Relationship
Tagged kids, marriage, Nepali, nepali australian, Nepaliaustralian, relationship, when to have baby
As I mention on my previous post “Big ,Loud, Crowded, Nepali wedding”, I know my husband, AS since high school. But our story is nothing like childhood sweethearts with happy ending. We were just friends at that point and never in my wildest dream thought will we end up marring each other. It is so true when they say, “You don’t know what future holds for you”.
I was ready to take next step of my life – marriage and family. The only problem with my plan is I have no plan. I didn’t know what I really want. I have never thought in my whole life I will agree with arrange marriage. But as I can’t find the man of my dream, I thought, I will hand over the duty to my parents. As my parents always nag me about marriage, I thought this will make them busy and I always can say no. They were more than willing to take the charge and was so proud that despite living abroad for almost a decade, I choose to go traditional way.
AS is not a very social person so we used to be out of touch for ages. Our email frequency used to once every 6 months. But thanks to Facebook, which I was genuinely surprised he had one, we start talking again. Our infrequent message turned into more frequent one and it was like high school all over again. We had same memories, same friends and it was easy. During this period, I told him one day what I told my parents about looking for a guy for me. To this he said that his parents are looking for a girl for him as well. And then we used to joke about how life has turned out and may be we will meet again only when both of us will be married and have kids. He used to be in US at that time and I was in Australia.
That year I decided to go home for holiday and I had 12 hours transit in Singapore airport. I told him, if he had any time I will appreciate the company over net as I don’t know what else to do in Singapore in the middle of the night. As the time difference was right for him, we chatted for almost 10 hours out of 12. (He told me later he made a special effort that stage.) I think that probably was the first time I felt more close to him. We made fun of each other and asked silly questions and it was great. I wasn’t bored at all and hoped he enjoyed it too. During this conversation, he told me he is planning to come to Nepal as well and try to make it when I will be there. I was really happy thinking at least we can meet again.
We didn’t meet until next 3 weeks but lots of things changed during that period. We used to Skype a lot and talked about my “Possible husband “. It was not that they were bad but I was not ready to meet anyone new so I just made any excuse not to meet them. And numbers of photo was increasing as my parents were determined to find someone before I leave Nepal.
I think my frequent mention of these eligible bachelor made AS realise that the plan he had to express his love for me after he sees me Nepal can’t wait till then. He has to do something otherwise I may be engaged before he knows it. So while we were talking on phone one day, late at night for me and early morning for him, he expressed his feeling for me. He told me how he was in love with me since our school and I am his first love who he never forgot. I was surprised that I never saw that vibe from him ever but I was happy at the same time. During last few months I felt closer to him but I was so sure he will never fall for someone like me; I even try to set him up with one of my good friend. She will kill me if she finds out now. Anyway that was how we started our journey for our happily ever after :). And after all I am not the “Arrange Marriage Type”.
Posted in Australia, Kathmandu, Marriage, Nepal, Our Wedding, Wedding
Tagged arrange marriage, big nepali wedding, family, love, love marriage, marriage, Nepalese girl, Nepaliaustralian, relationship, US
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